She said yes to drinks but set a time limit. Red flag?

[Sega Genesis]

He did not escalate, despite her clearly wanted that

Perhaps... I'm not her and wasn't there. So it's possible.

However, she further wrote:

>>I do feel there needs to be something on a first date—curiosity, intrigue, a sense of connection. I didn't feel that way.<<

Not sure if him escalating physically would have accomplished that.... since she wasn't feelin it, it may have actually repulsed her!

Been there myself.

OR

Like you said it may have served to pull her towards feeling that "sense of connection" it's so difficult to say!

First meets are a bytch to figure out sometimes BUT if @holidayad_ is still interested, he could try one more time.

Again her response will tell him everything he needs to know..

 

[holidayad_]

However, she further wrote:

>>I do feel there needs to be something on a first date—curiosity, intrigue, a sense of connection. I didn't feel that way.<<

What? Who wrote that?

 

[Sega Genesis]

What? Who wrote that?

Woman on another forum....

Requote

fwiw below is an excerpt of a post from a woman on another forum explaining why she decided to not go out with a man again after first meet....

Fairly typical of many women in today's dating culture.

>>When we first met I was attracted to his optimism, his positivity and his…energy, maybe even his leadership. I found him physically attractive but not …emotionally magnetic in a lasting way.<<

She is still single by the way and admittedly an "avoidant." Which is also not uncommon in today's dating culture.

I just used it as a comparison to your sitch.
Again fairly typical.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Thanks for your input.

Given the circumstances, would you choose option 1, 2 or 3?

Didn’t you say you didn’t like her attitude especially at the end of the date?

What changed? Why are you asking guys here essentially how you should feel about this woman? Would you ask guys here to choose dinner for you on a menu at a restaurant also?

I was going to put time in at some point today (I haven’t had time to, in the last three days) but why would anyone attempt to parse this for you if you don’t even know yourself what you want.

You’re on a bad path here, with this thought process and also the circular reasoning you’re going down with a couple members of this thread.

Figure out what you want - do you think, maybe, your lack of conviction is what turned this woman off, either directly or indirectly?

 

[Bigpapa]

She sat across from me, not next to me. So I'm not sure if she wanted that as we already discussed.

Still, I touched her thigh and her hands.

And I escalate by the end of the date, kissing her.

It was a reply to what @Sega Genesis was saying in regards to a Reddit post that was quoted

 

[Sega Genesis]

It was a reply to what @Sega Genesis was saying in regards to a Reddit post that was quoted

It wasn't from Reddit...

 

[holidayad_]

Didn’t you say you didn’t like her attitude especially at the end of the date?

What changed? Why are you asking guys here essentially how you should feel about this woman? Would you ask guys here to choose dinner for you on a menu at a restaurant also?

Again. This is a forum. Normally, we debate in forums. If it's not possible to ask questions and talk, it's better to end it. Weren't you the one who told me I was unhumble because I wasn't asking questions?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Again. This is a forum. Normally, we debate in forums. If it's not possible to ask questions and talk, it's better to end it. Weren't you the one who told me I was unhumble because I wasn't asking questions?

You lack humility because you have an answer for everything and refuse to stop and learn from mistakes you made. You took her out on Thursday for instance, when she canceled on you and she told you that, you ‘owed her a date.’

I would have told her she blew me off and she owed me a blowj0b, which frankly she was probably trying to give you, if you played your cards right. This woman is an attention seeking wh0re if you really want my opinion, and she probably took your wallet and your emotions for a ride while I would, almost assume, is hooking up with someone else.

I just wanted to see how this went - and I planned on giving you a thorough answer, but it’s not worth it. other guys should take this as a case study in why leading an interaction is so key, and how much you can spin your wheels and lose self esteem as well as your hard earned money, from letting the other party so clearly disrespect you and run the show, and I have been there too and it sucks

so start with, not letting a stranger on a message board convince you to take some skank out that you knew in you gut, blows c0ck, because she couldn’t even thank you for the drinks

Good luck buddy

 

[Clockwerk50]

Thanks for your input.

Given the circumstances, would you choose option 1, 2 or 3?

Follow your gut.

In the book Psycho-Cybernetics, it elaborates that being less cautious and more spontaneous, in which what it calls disinhibition, it helps reveal your true self and unlock your true personality. Overthinking and second-guessing only buries your natural instincts. By acting on your first thought, you learn to trust yourself and show up more authentically. So go with what feels right.

However, that said, don’t confuse being true to yourself with losing yourself in others. Avoid being a doormat, which is someone who clings too quickly or copies others to fill a personal void. Real confidence means being secure in your own identity, not attaching your worth to someone else's approval.

 

[Bearnest]

^^I never said she lost interest or changed her mind based solely on the kiss.

And yes it may have been other stuff or maybe it was nothing at all - nothing he did or said; for whatever reason it just wasn't happening for her.

There doesn't always have to be a specific reason, we're either feelin it or we're not.

That said...

@holidayad_ you can answer this, how was that first kiss?

Did you sense she was feelin it, into it? Were you?

How long did it last and who pulled away first?

It's virtually impossible to know where or why things went sideways, first meets can be so precarious and things can literally change on a dime!

Typically I do wait for a man to reach out after the first meet or date when HE is interested...

However in this case given her low vibe towards the end, the lackluster second/final kiss and her not thanking you, I think she was sending the message that she just wasn't feelin it. That elusive 'spark.'

And the ball is in her court.

Again JMO; I could be totally wrong!

Yea.. you think so

It wasn't from Reddit...

goofy