Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

She said she would call but didn't

Cancerian

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Happy New Year guys!

Friday, I told the woman at work that I've been flirting with "If I don't talk to you before then, Happy New Year." She replied "I'll talk to you before then, I'll call or text you." She never called, and sent a generic happy new year text at midnight last night (probably sent it to everyone in her contact list). I'll see her tomorrow. Should I mention that she didn't call, or just leave it alone? Either way, I had a great weekend and last night was cool. I'll be talking about how much fun I had when I'm at work tomorrow! I could have gotten a number or two at an after-hours party, but it was at a place I had never been to before, and I was drunk and I didn't want to step on any toes.

Anyway, the woman's interest level has been increasing as far as I can tell, but I think she is on the fence. I have her laughing a lot lately, even at sh1t that isn't that funny. She is also getting more playful, like lightly punching me in the arm, or lightly throwing one of those donut-hole things at me when I was being C+f with a light neg. Also, I was going to go to the mall to exchange an item, and I invited her to go with me and we could get a couple of drafts afterwards, but she said she couldn't because family was coming over after work. She then says "I feel bad because I haven't gone out with you, I feel bad... The next time I will!" I said something like "Ok, whatever. Don't feel bad." I was trying to convey that I wasn't bothered that she didn't want to go. Also, I am pretty much the alpha-male at work as I have been able to pretty much do what I want, but that is another story!
 

Jay Jay

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Bust a move already.

Don't worry about her not calling. You sound like a *****. She likes you. She wanted you to call her.

She is giving you IOI all over the place.

Oh, and if you are the alpha at (work doing whatever you want) it is completely natural for you to go after her.

Plan to do something. Invite her along. Bust on her. When she gives you a hit grab her an wrestle her then kiss her.

JJ.
 

Cancerian

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Jay Jay said:
Don't worry about her not calling. You sound like a *****. She likes you. She wanted you to call her.
I've called her 3 times since I started to pursue her. The last time she didn't answer and I didn't leave a VM (which she mentioned to me with a tone like "Why didn't you leave a VM?"). I don't want to be the one to keep calling her, plus there was no way I was going to try to make plans with her this weekend. Also, she is a talker, and its hard to get off of the phone with her. Not that I mind talking to her, but I'm trying to follow advice to keep convo's short and about dates. I feel that calling her when she said she would call me, on a weekend like New Years, would seem pushy.

She is giving you IOI all over the place.
It certainly seems that way. The more I'm near her and be myself, the more IOI's I seem to get. Sometimes its hard to tell though. I am learning by flirting with woman lately that they are very different from each other.

Oh, and if you are the alpha at (work doing whatever you want) it is completely natural for you to go after her.

Plan to do something. Invite her along. Bust on her. When she gives you a hit grab her an wrestle her then kiss her.

JJ.

I think that she is on the fence because I am younger, and I have read that sometimes it takes women longer than men to get over a LTR and re-adjust to the single life. She may like me on one hand, but not want to do anything that she perceives could lead to another LTR (she's been single 8 months as far as I know).

She mentioned that she didn't think she was interested in anything serious right now, so when I talk to her alone again, I'm going to try to convey that I'm not looking for anything serious either. I'll be C+F with it, like "You said you might not want anything serious, so what are you looking for? Something silly?" And "Look, its not like I want us to live together and pay each other's bills or anything like that, but that doesn't mean that we can't have some fun" or something like that.
 

ryannath

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She didn't lie to you at all. She is a woman of her word. She said she would call or text you, so she texted you! She told the truth! So, don't bring that up, cause she will say, hey, i did text you!
 

Cancerian

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ryannath said:
She didn't lie to you at all. She is a woman of her word. She said she would call or text you, so she texted you! She told the truth! So, don't bring that up, cause she will say, hey, i did text you!
Good point, except she was supposed to call before New Year's Eve.;)

If I do bring it up, I will by being C+F.
 

Jay Jay

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Okay

1. Chicks expect a VM. Period. It doesn't count if you didn't leave a VM, even if she has caller ID and found 999999999 missed calls. In chick logic it doesn't count if you don't leave a VM.

Secondly she sees you as the alpha. The thing about being alpha is girls expect you to take what you want.

2. Yah, flirting can be different from girl to girl. But hitting and throwing things at you are very big signs. In some languages the word "hit" is the same as the word "****."

Don't get too bogged down with the advice bull****. You are the man in the field. You have to make the calls depending on the situation. Just coz it USUALLY works better to do something doesn't make it an absolute rule.

3.

Don't worry about being younger. Doesn't matter. Just be a man.

8 months? Dude she will be desperate for some lovin! 8 MONTHS!!! Dude....

Okay, sit down.

Chicks talk a lot of ****. You gotta ignore what they SAY and look at how she ACTS.

It sounds to me that her impression of you is a much sexier more confident man then the way you view yourself. She sees you as the prize. She isn't going to set herself for potential embarrassment by chasing the "alpha male" at work without enough interest from you.

Sure keep playing it cool.

But.

Bust a move...

Remember good comes to those who wait. But all is lost to those who are late. (Ben Harper)

JJ.

*RANT*

8 months! 8 MONTHS!!! The poor woman is nearing the "I could have given birth to a baby from my last ****." No woman likes to be on that statistic. Dude you are so in! Please bust a move. If not for yourself then for her...
 

Cancerian

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Jay Jay said:
1. Chicks expect a VM. Period. It doesn't count if you didn't leave a VM, even if she has caller ID and found 999999999 missed calls. In chick logic it doesn't count if you don't leave a VM.

Secondly she sees you as the alpha. The thing about being alpha is girls expect you to take what you want.

2. Yah, flirting can be different from girl to girl. But hitting and throwing things at you are very big signs. In some languages the word "hit" is the same as the word "****."

Don't get too bogged down with the advice bull****. You are the man in the field. You have to make the calls depending on the situation. Just coz it USUALLY works better to do something doesn't make it an absolute rule.

3.

Don't worry about being younger. Doesn't matter. Just be a man.

8 months? Dude she will be desperate for some lovin! 8 MONTHS!!! Dude....

Okay, sit down.

Chicks talk a lot of ****. You gotta ignore what they SAY and look at how she ACTS.

It sounds to me that her impression of you is a much sexier more confident man then the way you view yourself. She sees you as the prize. She isn't going to set herself for potential embarrassment by chasing the "alpha male" at work without enough interest from you.

Sure keep playing it cool.

But.

Bust a move...

Remember good comes to those who wait. But all is lost to those who are late. (Ben Harper)

JJ.

*RANT*

8 months! 8 MONTHS!!! The poor woman is nearing the "I could have given birth to a baby from my last ****." No woman likes to be on that statistic. Dude you are so in! Please bust a move. If not for yourself then for her...
I have asked her out twice now, both times not knowing that she had plans with her niece. I have been waiting a few days in bewteen asking her out so that I don't look to eager. I can't "bust a move" if I can't get her isolated. I guess I could call her more, but shouldn't she be calling every once in a while if she is interested?
 

Mental

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Cancerian said:
I have asked her out twice now, both times not knowing that she had plans with her niece. I have been waiting a few days in bewteen asking her out so that I don't look to eager. I can't "bust a move" if I can't get her isolated. I guess I could call her more, but shouldn't she be calling every once in a while if she is interested?
It's been my experience that chicks NEVER call - well, until about 3 months ago... I've had two chicks who call. One was a stalker, and one might be interested, but there's no chemistry.

I've got a platonic female friend who emails. Her husband calls to hang out.

But otherwise, it's been my experience that women will not initiate anything. But that could be because a lot of chicks around here are loopy, and/or not interested.
 

Abbott

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She said she'd call but didn't? This means one of these things:

1) She's a liar.
2) She's flaky.
3) She's too damn wimpish to say she doesn't want to go out with you. See item one.

Which reason is it? Doesn't matter. Any of those reasons is a reason to give up on her.

I don't know about you, but my tolerance is very limited and my fuse is very short. I don't get angry, but I will give up.


As far as voice mail messages, I don't know about others but unless it's my mother and father I never leave messages for anyone. I've discovered that no one takes them seriously, so why bother?


Ben
 

realsmoothie

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If I were you I'd ask her out for drinks one more time... giving her at least a day in advance... and if it doesn't happen then I'm pretty sure she's not really into you.

If a girl likes you she will make herself available. This one isn't.
 

Cancerian

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Mental said:
It's been my experience that chicks NEVER call - well, until about 3 months ago... I've had two chicks who call. One was a stalker, and one might be interested, but there's no chemistry.

I've got a platonic female friend who emails. Her husband calls to hang out.

But otherwise, it's been my experience that women will not initiate anything. But that could be because a lot of chicks around here are loopy, and/or not interested.
She did call me once when she said she would, that was the first phone convo we had. I told her "I'll call ya later" and she said "ok", so I'll see what happens.
 

Cancerian

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Abbott said:
She said she'd call but didn't? This means one of these things:

1) She's a liar.
2) She's flaky.
3) She's too damn wimpish to say she doesn't want to go out with you. See item one.

Which reason is it? Doesn't matter. Any of those reasons is a reason to give up on her.
Could be, but hard to tell at this time.

I don't know about you, but my tolerance is very limited and my fuse is very short. I don't get angry, but I will give up.


As far as voice mail messages, I don't know about others but unless it's my mother and father I never leave messages for anyone. I've discovered that no one takes them seriously, so why bother?


Ben
My tolerance is slightly high because of the flirting and IOIs, but that hasn't stopped me from flirting with other women. As far as VM go, I hate leaving them for anyone. But from her tone, she acted as though she was expecting me to.
 

Cancerian

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realsmoothie said:
If I were you I'd ask her out for drinks one more time... giving her at least a day in advance... and if it doesn't happen then I'm pretty sure she's not really into you.

If a girl likes you she will make herself available. This one isn't.
If I talk to her tonight, I'll probably suggest something for this weekend, either Friday or Saturday (depending on how the call goes). If it doesn't happen, I'll withdraw the C+F and flirting and all of that.
 

realsmoothie

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Cancerian said:
If I talk to her tonight, I'll probably suggest something for this weekend, either Friday or Saturday (depending on how the call goes). If it doesn't happen, I'll withdraw the C+F and flirting and all of that.
Just a suggestion... try and make it during the week. If you try and get her on the weekend she has better excuses for being busy.

She sounds like a lot of work to me, maybe she's playing hard to get. Make it as easy as possible for her to say yes, and be very nonchalant about her response. If she says she's busy, say "maybe another time" and then sure, forget about here. You can still flirt with her at work... if you don't you're showing you're a whiny b*tch.

Let us know how it works out. I'm curious.
 

Cancerian

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realsmoothie said:
Just a suggestion... try and make it during the week. If you try and get her on the weekend she has better excuses for being busy.
We both have kids, so it makes during the week rather difficult. The last time I asked her out (during the week), her kids were with their father, and mine were with my ex due to Xmas break.

She sounds like a lot of work to me, maybe she's playing hard to get. Make it as easy as possible for her to say yes, and be very nonchalant about her response. If she says she's busy, say "maybe another time" and then sure, forget about here. You can still flirt with her at work... if you don't you're showing you're a whiny b*tch.

Let us know how it works out. I'm curious.
Maybe I am misunderstanding, but I thought that according to advice and the DJ Bible, we give them attention then withdraw it, or NEXT them. I wouldn't stop talking to her when I see her, I would just end any form of contact that indicates that I am pursuing her.
 

00Kevin

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you need to relax and live your life.

After all you are a DJ now. You are way to busy for her.. In fact if she didn't call you that should be a good thing. It gives you time to get your goals accomplished.

Siting around acting like a bit-ch is not the way to life your life.

If you like her. Then you ask her out. When you take her out you treat her with class. If she flakes on you then you move on to the next girl. Once and a while you check up on her and try again. No big deal here. Just move on and life your life.

Let the woman be the one who waits to be part of your life. Not the other way around.
 

Cancerian

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00Kevin said:
you need to relax and live your life.

After all you are a DJ now. You are way to busy for her.. In fact if she didn't call you that should be a good thing. It gives you time to get your goals accomplished.

Siting around acting like a bit-ch is not the way to life your life.

If you like her. Then you ask her out. When you take her out you treat her with class. If she flakes on you then you move on to the next girl. Once and a while you check up on her and try again. No big deal here. Just move on and life your life.

Let the woman be the one who waits to be part of your life. Not the other way around.
Well I was out every night this weekend, so chances are I would have missed her call anyway. I'm not acting like a b1tch about it, I'm just looking for advice. I didn't even mention it to her today. I did ask her if she got my New Years pix message (because one person I text'd didn't receive it), and she said yes and that it was cute. She went out Friday, had a bad day Saturday, and stayed home on Sunday (while I was out partying and flirting with four different chicks).

The way I'm seeing it is I'll ask her out again, and still see whats out there regardless of what happens. If she flakes, then I'll do as you suggest and try everyonce in a while. I have nothing to lose.
 

jonwon

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Cancerian said:
Happy New Year guys!

Friday, I told the woman at work that I've been flirting with "If I don't talk to you before then, Happy New Year." She replied "I'll talk to you before then, I'll call or text you." She never called, and sent a generic happy new year text at midnight last night (probably sent it to everyone in her contact list). I'll see her tomorrow. Should I mention that she didn't call, or just leave it alone? Either way, I had a great weekend and last night was cool. I'll be talking about how much fun I had when I'm at work tomorrow! I could have gotten a number or two at an after-hours party, but it was at a place I had never been to before, and I was drunk and I didn't want to step on any toes.

Anyway, the woman's interest level has been increasing as far as I can tell, but I think she is on the fence. I have her laughing a lot lately, even at sh1t that isn't that funny. She is also getting more playful, like lightly punching me in the arm, or lightly throwing one of those donut-hole things at me when I was being C+f with a light neg. Also, I was going to go to the mall to exchange an item, and I invited her to go with me and we could get a couple of drafts afterwards, but she said she couldn't because family was coming over after work. She then says "I feel bad because I haven't gone out with you, I feel bad... The next time I will!" I said something like "Ok, whatever. Don't feel bad." I was trying to convey that I wasn't bothered that she didn't want to go. Also, I am pretty much the alpha-male at work as I have been able to pretty much do what I want, but that is another story!
Cancerian i am following this!
I want you to get a result simply due to the lvl of interest you have on this girl, i mean its like a running theme over the last few weeks, you and this chick!

I will say, she is giving text book IoI (indicators of interest) this is evident.
Does she like you, fancy you, is this what you desire truly a test to see if you have it?

Well i will say from your post you have a better understanding then alot of men do, with you actions but you still have some way to go yet!

No1 for me was the fact she did not set up another meeting, i;.e made herself available like some others have posted ( i wanted to see responses to this). I would say if she was really interested she would have arranged another conveniant time for a meet up.

Now there are many factors why she did not, but as stated if she had a very high lvl of interest none of the other factors would matter.

What i am still seeing is this women is treading very carefully with you and still slotting you in LTR land, but you still fail to see it. She is probably more experianced then you know, or it seems so to me.

There is a possibilty here that she is testing the waters and seeing just how far you will chase and in that qualify her attention need as most women need this or try to get it. But still if she had a very high lvl of attraction she would make herself available.

To consider this women does not recognise your lvl of intrest would be to assume she is a little nieve but sadly i dont think this is the case, i firmly believe she knows exactly what she is doing and playing you at your own game, for reasons not totally clear as yet, but point to a LTR type situation and not a get together for fun as you say.

Maybe it will turn into fun but normally women who want fun are more receptive then a simply IOI and nothing more, especcially when you have put in this much effort.

I would personally give her another chance then BACK off big style when she lets you down for the 2nd time, or is that the 3rd.

There are a few reasons why to back off and i think it is important to illustrate some.

When you back off (after the second excuse with no follow up from her part).

A few things can be observed:
1. She may miss the attention from you and then will start to CHASE YOU.
Which is a very powerful situation to be in, alot powerful then the one you are currently in. If you observe the lack of attention from you as got her feellers out, you can then observe how much she is investing to get your attention back.

This is a true test as a it is easy to give into the attention the first time round, but i will say you MUST keep creating the feeling of her chasing you and that is to not bite when she casts the attention rod out, but play it in a way to keep her coming back and trying HARDER to get you, much like you are now to her.

When she is at a stage where she is making alot of the moves, then arrange a date but only when you know for certain her intrest as peaked, you will see a more receptive response.

2. She is not really that intrested and wont chase you.
This too is postive since it allows you free no guilt to persue other interest at work, or have things return to some normality at work where by you dont have to worry about this women, but you need to accept it aint going to happen and have the NEXT mentality, or be forever stuck in What if zone!
The way to handle this is to know you put in effort and it still turned fruitless, so your energies are better spend elsewhere.

3. She takes you up on your offer, she volunters a night she can make it, with a little coaxing on your part. What i would have said when she declined your date, is "so when are you next free"! With that you know for certain on her response if your wasting your time.

Gl with this just be careful here, but still this is going back to the original thread.

Also i am amazed how you can even read into an issue of a none phone call like a big deal. You need to accept women are probably as shy as you are and want different things, a women of this age is most probably if she wants a man at all is after something more tangible then a fly away fu** one night especcially from a work collegue, i say you getting in hot water on this but your in the zone so i will let you be the judge of your own actions.

But it was expected for her to not return you call, your not even dating or going out, so why worry about RL type behavours? since this is the core route of the post. The one exibhiting LTR type manouvers is in fact you, granted there mixed in with some player or DJ skills, but it does not take away the fact your still doing alot of things to qulaify you want a LTR, since it is clear from your posts.

A guy who wanted a quick fix fu** would not be concerned with this in truth.

But hey most guys on here are after a quick sex are they not.

The fact is no they are not most if not all are after seacrhing the crap out there, seeing there worth then only through a higher state of awarness going with the RIGHT women. Granted some want to simply fu** but if society was a little different a think a lot of guys here would be happy tucked away with some fine women, being content, sad fact is there is alot of sh** out there these tips are the means to filter out the cr**, the added benifit is it allows you to fu** other women and place them in f888k zones, which a AFC would end marrying a poor quality women, i know i have been there, one of the reasons i came to this site, to see my shortfalls and improve.

Dont make the same mistake twice and have a poor women game you, not that she is poor, but i said it once, you can do alot better then a 42 year old with 2 kids.
 

mrRuckus

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Mental said:
It's been my experience that chicks NEVER call - well, until about 3 months ago... I've had two chicks who call. One was a stalker, and one might be interested, but there's no chemistry.
.

I currently have 2 girls i'm seeing who call me and invite me out and i've yet to call or invite either of them anywhere even once. I even get reminder txts and emails. I got one yesterday from a girl reminding me of our get together on Wednesday: "Holy Crap. It's Monday. Which means Wednesday is the day after tommorow. Call me or something." I never called her yesterday and today she contacted me again anyway telling me she's excited. And this is from a very attractive, very intelligent woman. Oh yeah, she has invited me out 4 times before I finally told her I'd go (i was busy).

Interested girls will call. I'd rather not even bother dealing with ones that have some stupid rule about it. I don't want to compete with 5 other guys for her attention either. I demonstrate a ton of value then back off a little and they start chasing. And if they don't, oh well.
 

Cancerian

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jonwon said:
Cancerian i am following this!
I want you to get a result simply due to the lvl of interest you have on this girl, i mean its like a running theme over the last few weeks, you and this chick!
Thanks! I must say, the chase has been fun so far, even though I sometimes have a hard time reading signals and what not.

I will say, she is giving text book IoI (indicators of interest) this is evident.
Does she like you, fancy you, is this what you desire truly a test to see if you have it?

Well i will say from your post you have a better understanding then alot of men do, with you actions but you still have some way to go yet!
I know that I have much to learn, and I'm hoping to get better understanding. She was stressed today, so there weren't many IOI's. Though she was still talkative to me, and laughed at a couple of jokes (I didn't come off too strong today as I could sense that she was busy and stressed). After work I sent her a cheer-up pix message without any words, just the pic, and she text'd back "Awww that's cute".

No1 for me was the fact she did not set up another meeting, i;.e made herself available like some others have posted ( i wanted to see responses to this). I would say if she was really interested she would have arranged another conveniant time for a meet up.

Now there are many factors why she did not, but as stated if she had a very high lvl of interest none of the other factors would matter.
Thats the confusing thing...IOIs but not going out. Though she did say she would go out with me the next time I asked. When I talk to her either on the phone or alone face-to-face, I'll be able to find out more.

What i am still seeing is this women is treading very carefully with you and still slotting you in LTR land, but you still fail to see it. She is probably more experianced then you know, or it seems so to me.

There is a possibilty here that she is testing the waters and seeing just how far you will chase and in that qualify her attention need as most women need this or try to get it. But still if she had a very high lvl of attraction she would make herself available.
I'm not sure either one of us is ready for a LTR, but nothing is out of the realm of possibility. She did say during the first phone convo that she wasn't sure if she wants anything serious right now. Meanwhile, she has been observing the kind of guy I am, while I ooze an amount of charisma at work that is even surprising myself. She did confide in our mutual friend/co-worker that the attention I give her makes her feel good.

To consider this women does not recognise your lvl of intrest would be to assume she is a little nieve but sadly i dont think this is the case, i firmly believe she knows exactly what she is doing and playing you at your own game, for reasons not totally clear as yet, but point to a LTR type situation and not a get together for fun as you say.

Maybe it will turn into fun but normally women who want fun are more receptive then a simply IOI and nothing more, especcially when you have put in this much effort.
She must know since I've called her and asked her out, and haven't backed off with any of the C+F/flirting. The more I do it, the more IOIs I seem to get.

I would personally give her another chance then BACK off big style when she lets you down for the 2nd time, or is that the 3rd.

There are a few reasons why to back off and i think it is important to illustrate some.

When you back off (after the second excuse with no follow up from her part).

A few things can be observed:
1. She may miss the attention from you and then will start to CHASE YOU.
Which is a very powerful situation to be in, alot powerful then the one you are currently in. If you observe the lack of attention from you as got her feellers out, you can then observe how much she is investing to get your attention back.

This is a true test as a it is easy to give into the attention the first time round, but i will say you MUST keep creating the feeling of her chasing you and that is to not bite when she casts the attention rod out, but play it in a way to keep her coming back and trying HARDER to get you, much like you are now to her.

When she is at a stage where she is making alot of the moves, then arrange a date but only when you know for certain her intrest as peaked, you will see a more receptive response.

2. She is not really that intrested and wont chase you.
This too is postive since it allows you free no guilt to persue other interest at work, or have things return to some normality at work where by you dont have to worry about this women, but you need to accept it aint going to happen and have the NEXT mentality, or be forever stuck in What if zone!
The way to handle this is to know you put in effort and it still turned fruitless, so your energies are better spend elsewhere.

3. She takes you up on your offer, she volunters a night she can make it, with a little coaxing on your part. What i would have said when she declined your date, is "so when are you next free"! With that you know for certain on her response if your wasting your time.

Gl with this just be careful here, but still this is going back to the original thread.
This is sound information/advice, and fits in well with what I've been thinking the past couple of days.

Also i am amazed how you can even read into an issue of a none phone call like a big deal. You need to accept women are probably as shy as you are and want different things, a women of this age is most probably if she wants a man at all is after something more tangible then a fly away fu** one night especcially from a work collegue, i say you getting in hot water on this but your in the zone so i will let you be the judge of your own actions.

But it was expected for her to not return you call, your not even dating or going out, so why worry about RL type behavours? since this is the core route of the post. The one exibhiting LTR type manouvers is in fact you, granted there mixed in with some player or DJ skills, but it does not take away the fact your still doing alot of things to qulaify you want a LTR, since it is clear from your posts.

A guy who wanted a quick fix fu** would not be concerned with this in truth.

But hey most guys on here are after a quick sex are they not.

The fact is no they are not most if not all are after seacrhing the crap out there, seeing there worth then only through a higher state of awarness going with the RIGHT women. Granted some want to simply fu** but if society was a little different a think a lot of guys here would be happy tucked away with some fine women, being content, sad fact is there is alot of sh** out there these tips are the means to filter out the cr**, the added benifit is it allows you to fu** other women and place them in f888k zones, which a AFC would end marrying a poor quality women, i know i have been there, one of the reasons i came to this site, to see my shortfalls and improve.

Dont make the same mistake twice and have a poor women game you, not that she is poor, but i said it once, you can do alot better then a 42 year old with 2 kids.
I'm not really reading into the phone thing too much, just wanted to run it by everyone here to see if I am missing something, or if there was something I should do, since I didn't ask her to call but she said she would. I had a married woman chase me for a year and a half, and she called me almost daily (but I wouldn't have anything to do with her sexually because I just won't do that with a married woman).
 
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