She said she was "Scared"?

[bigneil]

So, my favorite girl went MIA for a week. I knew she'd be back, and (sorry, 18-year old males and 27-year old women on public assistance) I was correct. She came back. However, her reasoning surprised me.

She wrote (hours after seeing me with another girl): "I am afraid of you and I don't know why. I never trusted you, not that I didn't want to. Do you know of any reason why I might fear you?"

I told her "You were scared because you are smart. I hired a physical trainer this week and hadn't realized how off balance I was. I am renewed. Thank you.".

Some may remember criticizing my theory of getting a trainer "not to get dumped" but you can see it was my clairvoyance.

Anyhow, she loved what I wrote, and is back to gushing (moral: get a physical trainer).

However, given that she let me tie her up, do you really think she never trusted me?

 

[logicallefty]

This is actually a good place to be with a woman. Where she is on the border of fearing you. I think she trusted you but was right on the line of not, which makes that vag all nice and wet.

In that situation I might mess with her like this and see how she reacts. I did this one time after a comment about being 'scared' of me and it made her chase me even harder:

HB: Do you know of any reason why I might fear you?
LL: Its natural to fear what you can't handle. I would never want you to be scared for your safety from being around me. So let's stop for now and maybe get a hold of each other in a few years and see where we are?

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

I think it is manipulative BS to put you in her frame. You qualified her statement and gave her an alibi (your personal trainer). A beter answer would have been-

"yes"

(remember every text is evidence. Save conversations about submission and other extreme activities for face to face). Also by saying less you are letting her hamster spin and do the work for you.

 

[bigneil]

I don't tend to get upset and make accusations when hot girls write to me at 4am. I just ask them out.

Note that she saw me on a date. She might have referred to "I'm scared" (of my feelings for you) and "I never trusted you" (not to cheat on me if I committed).

In any event, she reached out and now it appears the lingerie photo shoot is back on track.

Also, knowing how much I'm going to improve myself with the trainer (heading there now) I'm fully confident I will command her love at some point. Now I realize that was her purpose - to get me in shape.

 

[bigneil]

This is double talk. Why would you want love from a self absorbed unstable flake.

Why am I happy that the girl I insisted would return returned? Why am I happy that the girl you guys preyed had low interest is confessing high interest? Why would I want my favorite girl to love me? Why would I want a girl I think is a 10 to be obsessed with me? Why would I want to have sex with the sexiest girl I know?

Did you really ask that?

Oh, I get it. You were the one saying one flake, ever, and it's over forever. Even though cancelling 24 hours in advance and apologizing, giving a rain check, coming through and confessing she has deep feelings (on the 3 month anniversary of the first kiss) doesn't count as a flake.

I feel like Tom Brady in a Seattle bar when I'm here. I'm a cheater! That's it.

But you guys should go with that one. She's a "self absorbed, unstable flake" and it's truly over, forever. Glad that's over with. Thanks for all the great advice guys!

 

[bigneil]

She up and left

She up and left? What are you talking about? She postponed our 6th date. Get over it.

Now it appears she is up for a 3 way with my second favorite stripper. I'll take photos so you guys can see what low interest flakes in love look like in lingerie.

All of you put your (wrong) advice in writing. When you let your bias skew your views to the point where you start spreading misinformation, all in a forum where you portend to be giving accurate information, you become a propagandist like Donna Brazile on CNN supporting Hillary. You can't erase all the bad advice you already provided. Meanwhile I was 100% confident she would come back. So much for you guys trying to help people score here. You want to see me fail so you can say you are a better DJ. Try getting a date first.

 

[bigneil]

You said she went MIA for a week and you keep posting about her all over...Now she's a stripper too haha... you're running this shell game where you try to act hard and talk about how you just want sex from a hot woman but then you constantly talk about love smh

Notice how when she doesn't write for a week you say that's a huge deal, but then you note she's a stripper as if that is another strike? Those two cancel out. Strippers disappear for several weeks and if you sweat it you aren't up for dating them. I don't know too many who confess having feelings like this. She basically said she was trembling when she saw me on my date the other night. It's not easy to get that type of reaction from a stripper at her work.

Note I'm dating 5 women, 3 are strippers. Sex is at a surplus. I do happen to love one.

Love and fear are both related to Oxytocin production. Oxytocin is the cuddle chemical. The bonding chemical. The last time I held her I told her "You are producing Oxytocin. That is this sensation we are experiencing. It weakens a man and makes him want to stay with a woman. Meanwhile I am producing Testosterone which makes me want to move back to Texas". So you can see it's all related. We are starting to bond due oxytocin production at the 3 month mark, which is related to love and fear.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

It's probably difficult for men to understand this 'fear' that women experience. As others have implied, there's a fine line between this fear and her being passionately devoted to you. Some would argue it's two side of the same coin. As LL said, to have a woman in this place isn't necessarily a bad thing. Many don't really understand what they're feeling at the best of times anyway. I probably would have told her to come over for some comfort, no qualifications required.

For a man, I think the only comparable feeling or state of mind would be striking a really important deal, or for me, being near the end of a sports game with the score tied. The fear of loss on one side of the coin, the elation of victory on the other; facing a 50:50 outcome.

 

[C00lAF]

Jesus man,ok we get it, you hired a fvcking PT.

 

[bigneil]

You said MIA. Now it's "she rescheduled a date." Fix yourself first. Did she go MIA to fvck other guys(only reason) or did she reschedule a date because something came up? Don't love the first one, second one is fine.

LARaiders is saying that my 3 month relationship is hinging on what terminology I used to describe a one week absence? Seriously, is this my ex girlfriend? Lori is that you? Who would care this much?

She had the flu, got her period and got bloated and people on her Instagram were making fun of her. Her ratings plummeted. We weren't going for a beer. We were doing a bathtub and lingerie photoshoot with the owner of a $20M mansion (a hot woman herself). I suspect she didn't want to be photographed last week.

The idea that you guys think you can tell me about my relationship based on the limited info you have is comical. You're desperately trying to invent a story to disprove this girl for some reason. Meanwhile, I have 3 other girls who I'm too bored with to talk about. All 4 girls want to go out. Chances are, it's not a conspiracy. This just really pisses off a lot of people who simply think it's too good to be true. Compared to their sad lives, perhaps.

Seriously, are there any other examples of people on this forum telling people that they are NOT succeeding when they are?

"You know you are over the target when you start to catch flak"

 

[bigneil]

Why did you make multiple posts about her going MIA then?

You're still talking about the fact she didn't text back for a week?

Lori, I don't want to go out with you anymore. Stop stalking me here, you freak.

 

[sazc]

I'm only going to jump in and defend everyone real quick on one point. You posted about her going MIA and everyone chimed in (Im paraphrasing) that you should move on. ALL too often there are men who dwell about females. It is a waste of time. I feel like the comments about moving on are generally intended to push the poster into not wasting time. I dont think that anyone here feels that their advice/opinion is iron clad. They are just doing their best. In my opinion, razzing people for giving you this type of advice, especially on this forum, and when you posted the situation (thus inviting people to comment), is bad form.

You seem happy that she is back, that's great. I'm happy for you, and your up and coming 3 way.

 

[bigneil]

Sorry, but many people are not doing their best regarding this woman. Most people are on SS asking how to get a phone number, etc. and here I've been dating a girl who I proved is super hot for 4 months and people are declaring the relationship over if she doesn't do everything with 100% interest level forever.

I'm trying to document case studies here, the good and bad. When girls text at 4am, ask questions, want to talk about their feelings, and reopen communication channels, all hope is not lost.

The moral is: after 2+ months of dating, assuming she has options and is HB7+, expect your girl to disappear for 1-2 weeks sometimes. Don't assume it's over. Don't whine about her not acting committed.

 

[sazc]

I typically don't tend to think people have hidden agendas, but I hear what you are saying. Maybe my rose colored glasses need cleaning.......

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I am afraid of you and I don't know why. I never trusted you, not that I didn't want to. Do you know of any reason why I might fear you?"

Unless the answer is clearly obvious based on your behavior, her problems where squarely inside your own brain. She externalized it ON to you, and you allowed that.

By giving her a reason why YOU were the cause of your internal emotional issues, you've effectively relieved her of any responsibility of owning up to them and dealing with them.

And as I'm sure you know, you get more of what you reward.

And SHE knows this as well.

Who's training whom?

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

I haven't been following this but it seemed like you gave some information and asked for advice. People gave it to you.

If the information you gave didn't accurately describe the situation it seems a little unfair to be angryi that the advice given didn't fit the situation.

If it seems a little rude to be angry at any free advice given when you asked for it.

If you don't want advice or comments write a field report instead. If you just want the equivalents of high 5's this might not be the forum for you.

Personally I don't care if you are dating strippers, prostitures or Thai lady-boys. It sounds like you are having fun and congratulations on catching feelings for one. Maybe you are evolving.

 

[bigneil]

I allowed her to text me again. Shame on me.

 

[bigneil]

By reaching out to me, she is keeping the relationship alive.

By validating her fears, I build trust.

By telling her I'm seeing a physical trainer, I gain points.

Note that I never tried to ask why she feared me, nor did I attempt to use logic. I also avoided discussing negative things. I didn't say "I would never chop you up, or cut you, or tie you down and stab you with an ice picker - I am not like that!"