She lied to me and used me

[TooColdUlrick]

do what Jake said.

the fact is that she's fvcking this other guy because, more than likely, HE is what YOU are not. and he's probably just a little bit LESS lame than you are.

this chick lied to you and used you? Wow! that's really shocking! it appears as though you handed her a great reason--and the other guy didn't.

you're going to be seeing her quite a bit in the future? you're looking at this as an uncomforable chore. she did you a favor! the best thing you can do is show her what she took a pass on. not to "get back at her" per se, because this is merely a residual side effect of YOU becoming a better DJ. you know...like the guy she's fvcking right now.

So...

1) forget about hooking up with her--she toasted you. actually, you toasted yourself.
2) just be polite to her. don't initiate anything more than "hi".
3) improve yourself. don't project negative vibes--for your OWN good.
4) don't rationalize. you liked her right? it didn't work out. don't say to yourself, "she's a lier...she used me...i didn't want her anyway...". you'd be lying to YOURSELF! this is worse than her lying to you, isn't it? deal with it and move on.

STOP ALL TEXTS AND EMAILS IMMEDIATELY! it is highly probable, if not certain, that she has some pea-brained scheme to USE YOU FOR SOMETHING ELSE! to be your "friend"? to be her "backup"? if she persists, tell her very politely that you, "are not interested in being her online pen pal. take care."

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Viper423
My next question....Is there anything I can do to make myself the guy she would die for, the great catch despite the mistakes I made....

first what was it about you that she liked? what was it that attracted her to you?

step one is to magnify and show those traits. whatever she saw in you is still there. it is still yours. go and find it, you may have lost it chasing her ass.

secondly, what were the mistakes? what did you do wrong? (probaly some insecure AFC bullsh!t).

step two is to get rid of that.

so in other words, you aren't changing yourself, you are working on yourself, and with what you already got. and she might be the motivation, but the result will be all yours.

peace.

 

[Viper423]

Wow, I realize that once we started going out, I changed. I actually think that I turned into an afc once I got her. She's even told me before what she liked about me. She said she liked the fact that I was funny and didn't care what other people think. And the physical part is still the same or course and she liked that. I used to have the ****y/funny switch turned on almost non-stop, and I think that is what drew her to me, but like I said once I got her for a while, I mellowed out and the c&f almost went away and I became a woose. Wow, it's wierd how all of lifes lessons are learned after you already have fvcked up. I guess it's time to get my attitude back how it was and to improve on it. Question...what do I do when she talks to me? Because she still probably thinks that we are friends, but I don't want to be her friend. Do I be nice and talk to her like we are still friends, which we were before became involved, or do I barely respond and ignore her? And another thing...if I barely talk to her and don't really acknowledge her, she's gonna want to talk to me about it, cause she wants to come out of this not looking like the bad person. If she asks me if I'm mad at her for something or tells me she wants to talk, do I tell her the truth and get some closure on this, and tell her I cant be just her friend and that she used me? Or do I just simply tell her I don't want to talk about it?

 

[am4591]

quote by Viper:

If she asks me if I'm mad at her for something or tells me she wants to talk, do I tell her the truth and get some closure on this, and tell her I cant be just her friend and that she used me? Or do I just simply tell her I don't want to talk about it?

Don't do either. Closure is for pvssies. Just smile and say you don't do this "just-friends" kind of thing. Whatever you do, don't let her think you're mad or upset. She needs to see that it doesn't bother you. Talk to her if she approaches you, by all means, but keep it brief.

 

[Rahul]

Originally posted by Viper423
During this past week she sent me a text message on my cell asking me if I wasn't talking to her anymore. I just sent a message back and said that I had been busy. So should I keep this pattern up of not even acknowledging her and not talkin to her unless she does me first? And I know it won't solve anything, but this other guy is a bum (25 years old not working), and a jerk, so if i see him I prolly won't be able to control my myself from whiping his ass pretty good.

When she sends you sh*t like that, dont even reply. Just leave her hanging.

And dude, she sexed a bum, how can you even consider her as a romantic interest at all anymore?

 

[Viper423]

I don't even know for a fact that they are together. I know that he is obsessed with her, cause I remember twice when I was fingering her, her cell phone went off and it was him calling. She's told me before that he is obsessed with her. And I do personally know this guy and he has been a ****head everytime I've tried to be nice and talk to him. And he is fully aware of everything, so kicking his ass would make me feel a little better though

 

[iqqi]

ok, ok, lets break this down. here is what drew her to you, your "good" qualities:

Originally posted by Viper423
She said she liked the fact that I was funny and didn't care what other people think. And the physical part is still the same or course and she liked that. I used to have the ****y/funny switch turned on almost non-stop, and I think that is what drew her to me

Question...what do I do when she talks to me? Because she still probably thinks that we are friends, but I don't want to be her friend....

is this being funny? happy? ****y?

no. it seems like you are caring too much what she thinks.



there is your answer.

 

[Trogdawg]

If she talks to you just be happy and uncaring. But don't initiate anything or even give her a second of your attentin unless she started a convo with you. Then just keep it short and sweet. Remember these lines "i gotta go, i've got things to do." Don't take anymore phone calls, emails, text messages, or anything you don't have to. What your trying to do is cut off her influence on your AFC half. Without any attention from her it will fade away and die off. With your AFC nature losing control your DJ half can sieze your mind and make you better for it. Sorry if this sounds gay but it works. Cutting her off from you does two things. One it frees your mind from her influence and two it makes her feel like you don't need her and she's not important. That'll either make her leave or make her want you back. Either way you win. Just don't fall back into AFC land.

BE SELFISH.

 

[Jake Steed]

"I used to have the ****y/funny switch turned on almost non-stop, and I think that is what drew her to me, but like I said once I got her for a while, I mellowed out and the c&f almost went away and I became a woose." --viper

I don't know why so many people around her refuse to grasp this concept, but C&F, mystery, challenge, etc--all these "tactics", are NOT a magic formula that MAKES her like you. I have said this fifty million times on this board and until you people get it, you will never even begin to understand women. She is not a fvcking computer, homeboy. She is a girl. Once you stop thinking about her in that way, that she's a computer you can plug a magical equation into to make her print out "I'm in love with you", you will be on your first step to understanding women.

Most likely, you were just a temporary ego boost she needed because she was on the rocks with her bf. Nothing more. You are wasting your time trying to figure out what you did wrong and what equation you need to input to "get her to like you again". I'm only pointing this out because it is a COMMON falacy among young guys on this board.

I was pleasently surprised to run across this post in the tips section. Read it if you want to learn the truth about what you are doing wrong.

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=42813

Jake

 

[bp1974]

You're very fortunate. You've learned firsthand a lesson a lot of people never get. It follows the old saying: "Life's the hardest teacher. You get the test first, and the lesson after."

You don't need to ignore her, just don't go out of your way for her. No favours, coffee dates, texting etc. Just tone down your friendship. If she asks what's up, so what? You don't have to tell her anything you don't want to. Fob her off with some fluff BS.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by Viper423
I don't even know for a fact that they are together. I know that he is obsessed with her, cause I remember twice when I was fingering her, her cell phone went off and it was him calling. She's told me before that he is obsessed with her. And I do personally know this guy and he has been a ****head everytime I've tried to be nice and talk to him. And he is fully aware of everything, so kicking his ass would make me feel a little better though

and...

Originally posted by Viper423
My next question....Is there anything I can do to make myself the guy she would die for, the great catch despite the mistakes I made....

Viper, YOU are obsessed with her as well. how did you know that it was him calling her cell, when you were fingering her? TWICE? in any event, the writing was on the wall at that time, probably long before that, but you didn't read it.

the writing is on the wall NOW.

FORGET ABOUT HER! YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME!

she has demonstrated to you, and to the other dude, that she is a cheater, a liar, and a user. there is a 99% chance that,

SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN THE FIRST CHANCE SHE GETS!

yet, you are devising schemes in your own mind to win her back. YES YOU ARE! this is more AFC than what drove her away from you in the first place. stop it. get off of that road.

she's a flippin' flake. period.

if she says "hi", just say "hi". if she wants to talk to you about it, you say, "that's ancient history, have a great day". if she says, "can i see you". you say, "no, that wouldn't be appropriate". DO NOT TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS OR ANY OTHER 'SITUATION'.

you must do this for your own good. trust me, you must learn how to walk away from these sorts of situations, with grace, style, and above all, dignity. if you don't, what will you do the next time it happens? and it will, believe me. clearly you don't have any real experience in walking away from a bad situation. get some right now and end it.

then, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself, why am i obsessed with a flake? why am i obsessed with winning back a flake? why am i so jealous and resentful towards the other guy? why do i want to beat him up?

this is your real problem--this particular situation is merely a symptom.