She left me.

[TheDoctor]

NEW UPDATE

Need some help on this.

So my ex and I have a mutual friend who is dear to us both. The past few weeks the friend has been a little partial to me because my ex has been mooding and a little mean to her for no apparent reason. Anyway, the friend and I have spoken periodically and I try to not talk about the ex but it's hard because I know they still speak to each other daily.

Today I spoke to the friend and she told me some interesting things.

As I said before, it's been one week of NC. I sent her a text Monday telling her that her things were boxed up and ready to be picked up and for her to leave my house key in the mailbox. She said she couldn't make it but would come when she could. Wednesday, on the way to the office, I dropped her things off on her front step and left.

Mutual friend told me today that when she got them she cried. She is sad about the breakup and losing me. She is questioning herself even now, after only a week. She has entertained the idea of getting back together with me but is afaid nothing will change and it would be the same old same old.

My problem, and the reason I joined this community is because I need to change my behavior, with or without my ex. No woman wants an AFC boyfriend who is jealous and insecure and whiny when **** doesn't go his way. I need to change for me and for noone else. I WILL CHANGE! I just want her to see the change and fall back in love with me.

Knowing that she is second guessing herself at this time, knowing that she is upset about this breakup, does this change things any? Does anyone agree that I should seize this opportunity to contact her in the next few days to try to reconcile?

 

[drak_ool]

I don't think you understand how No Contact works when trying to get an ex back... You can't contact her (or respond to her when she contacts you) until you have actually improved yourself and have something to show for.

What have you done in the past week and a half to move away from you self-described AFC status towards more of a DJ? To me it seems like all you ve been doing is crying over her and whining on this forum about how much you love her. And now she throws you a bone and you go running back to her?

Let's say you call her, you two work things out and you're back together... SHE took you back, not the other way around. Right away, she has you by the balls. So you'll be in the same situation you were before, except it ll be even worst!

Anyway, I wonder if you can take any advice that doesn't suit your point of view...

 

[Bible_Belt]

Regarding this question about the bpd girl:

My ex of over one year and I broke up two months ago (she pulled the lets take a break crap and f**ked some other dude) and she tried to friend me and once i fell for it for a month being her "friend" and when I saw that it was getting nowhere and when she told me she is seeing a NEW man (different than the one she first banged) I told her to **** off and never call me again. This was 2 weeks ago. Now as we all know I have to sit and wait until she calls back again (of course she will, they always call back for validation reasons i suppose) and my question is how long should I ignore her for (until she says she can't live w/o me and that she will kill herself if I don't answer?) and what should be some of my mind game control tactics to pull on her so that if I do miraculously decide take her back, to keep her and have her controlled where as she never leaves again and I have the upper hand and get to leave her on my own terms when I am ready. Yeah it sounds far fetched and all but I have heard of instances where this does occur, possibly under some voodoo influences or black magic lol. KontrollerX maybe you got some tips for us?


I can help you with all but the part in bold. That is the hard part.

You have to be very strong, though. You have to not care when she runs off with another guy. You can't show anger and get upset like you did. Then you are just like every other guy. As soon as you are jealous, then she knows she has you, and you're boring. Don't let her get to you. That is her power, being able to upset you. The harder that is to do, the more power you have over her. It helps a lot to have another girl or two on the side. bpd women are very typically mistresses and "the other woman."

All of the disorder is about re-experiencing a traumatic childhood abandonment. They structure all of their interactions so as to maximize the abandonment that will be felt. That is why the part in bold is so hard. Even if you are one of the few who can handle a bpd girl, she will eventually get drunk and cheat on you. A healthy relationship does not have the abandonment feelings she needs, so she will sabotage one to get her fix.

 

[PimpOfTheSouth]

I agree with DRAK i fell for that one and it came back to bite me. I did no contact but I read somewhere its ok if she initiates. Bullcrap its not ok because she will keep initiating, you need to straight up pull the no contact until you fix yourself and do actually have something to show for it.

 

[Call it how I see it]

Well, I'm going to echo what a bunch of other posters have said in some way, shape, or form.

1. Don't try and get back with her.

2. Because I know you are going to go ahead and ignore rule number 1, I can give you a blueprint to try and get her back. It worked with one ex of mine, and I did end up getting back with her (although we are now no longer together.) Here is a disclaimer- unless it is done right and with the appropriate amount of action, you will fail miserably. Trust me, we've all been there.

What is the world's most powerful emotion?

Anybody?

It's jealousy. But you have to communicate with her (somehow, the method is up to you) and sell her on the fact that 1. you are over her and 2. that you have been talking to someone else.

You have to do this very nonchalantly...which is why I said you have to do it with just the right amount of action. Once you have gotten your message across, find a girl (whether its just a friend or a girl of interest) to hang out with you at a place you know your ex will show up. Then, you and the girl you brought should act close and comfortable with each other. If you do this just right, you will be golden.

It works, but a warning- it can backfire EASILY. So don't do something stupid like rub it in her face or keep looking at her the entire night. Play it cool, and it will probably ignite her jealousy. Yes, its manipulative. Yes, its conniving. Yes, it works.

And don't be surprised if she starts calling and texting again. The key is this- if, and when, she comes back, you gotta cut the AFC bull****. If you don't, we'll see another thread like this in about 3 months.

Good luck.

 

[Mangina]

Here is your answer:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160056

 

[PimpOfTheSouth]

Great Info

 

[slaog]

My problem, and the reason I joined this community is because I need to change my behavior, with or without my ex. No woman wants an AFC boyfriend who is jealous and insecure and whiny when **** doesn't go his way. I need to change for me and for noone else. I WILL CHANGE! I just want her to see the change and fall back in love with me.

Knowing that she is second guessing herself at this time, knowing that she is upset about this breakup, does this change things any? Does anyone agree that I should seize this opportunity to contact her in the next few days to try to reconcile?

It really turns women off when men display AFC, insecure and jealous behaviour. She might really like you except for that. Get it into your head that being jealous and insecure will only cause you more misery. You need to develop yourself so that you are confident and secure and not afraid of losing her because you'll be happy with or without her.


Ask yourself is she worth going back to. Is she a quality woman? Does she add to your life or take from it? A the moment you're feeling like crap but thats your own fault for driving her away and having low self esteem etc.


Remember that if you want her back its up to you to change otherwise you're only wasting your time and you'll be feeling miserable for alot longer. You can let her go now and move on. It's up to you to decide which is the best course of action.

Remember that there are plenty of women out there.

 

[Credos]

Don't try to say "no" for her offer of friendship cause that shows that you're a ****.

Please don't give this kind of advice, cause you're just proving to be afc yourself.

Follow the no contact thingy,

YOU WON'T GET HER BACK, AND IF YOU DO, SHE WILL DUMP YOU AGAIN

 

[RFish]

I seriously cannot take this thread.

ostap1, you were very rude to totally hijack the thread. KontrollerX was nice enough to reply to your question and you bounced back with more. I understand you have your fair share of problems but what on earth is wrong with you.

TheDocter's thread and replies were drown in your private conversation between you and KontrollerX and it just gets so frustrating because you were reading one thing and another thing comes along.

Like you were were asking some serious question and someone comes along and starts discussing the new burger from Wendy's, hijacking your thread.

And to THEDOCTOR

Please, for the love of Wendy and Quizno's, there has been enough drama and good replies for your thread. You should know there should be NO CONTACT

She pushed you away, now she wants you back, she has got to catch up with you. You may get back with her and when I say this I hope you are not too happy or that gives you a encouragement to get her back immediately. But there is a danger, and chances are it is usually not good to get back with an EX.

-> Read Rollo Tomassi's Words of Wisdom about digging some coke can after tossing them into the thrash. Search his nick and find his post.

You got intentions to contact her, but what's up dude she will be like "I pushed him away and he keeps bugging me."

Think.

She will lose all her respect for you. Because she showed disrespect and swallow it down and stayed with her. You will also lose your credibility because you mentioned not be friends yet you are still hanging on.

If you manage to get back by this way then god bless, this problem will bound to surface in the future because the foundation is set in the wrong way.

This post is harsh but I got so frustrated monitoring your progress while in the process someone is having another huge drama.

EDIT:

OH PimpOfTheSouth YOU ARE ANOTHER ONE.

give me a break.