She has a fiance but im confused

[BaronOfHair]

...even her facebook wall picture is her in the bikini lying down with a curved back

Do provide a link

 

[justme1990]

Advice from the old lady:

How old is she? Sounds extremely attention seeking. Bikini photo with curved back is totally show off/attention seeking, so is flirty behavior.

Eastern European men that I know tend to be quite possessive so I'd say be careful if she keeps getting touchy.

If you were to double down (are you always this naughty, touching another man??) you may cross a line you are not aware of and get yourself in trouble with her or 24/7 service center fiance or his friends.

She is his problem. Don't let her become yours. There are other pretty girls.

She is 23

 

[justme1990]

Do provide a link

Im sorry but i cant

 

[BaronOfHair]

Im sorry but i cant

Well, this week's starting out less cheerfully than Polly Klass's final sleepover

 

[Hal9000]

Women are like cats. If you ignore them they wanna plop down right in your lap but the moment you seek them out they act like they couldn't care less if you even existed.

 

[justme1990]

Women are like cats. If you ignore them they wanna plop down right in your lap but the moment you seek them out they act like they couldn't care less if you even existed.

yeah i noticed that , if i keep my distance she is the one trying to start a conversation , asking for help at some easy things, there is one guy at work that she always hangs out with her , they always take selfies , snapchating , playfighting , even today at work she was telling him " you have such a punchable face , i wanna hit you so hard " and she kept fake punching him

to me it seems like its some childish/braindead behaviour but it seems to work with women , they like to playfight

 

[justme1990]

im sorry for bothering you guys again but i need your advice , she broke up with her fiance ( i dont know the reason , i didnt ask her yet ) , i didnt know because i didnt talk to her very much only work stuff but they broke up around december

now she started getting close and wants to hangout , i would like to accept but im afraid that if we get together she will still act friendly with other guys , she likes to playfight with other coworkers , one of them even grabbed her from behind her neck and bend her over

do you think that she might change and stop being playful with guys if we get together and i tell her that it bothers me ?

 

[crowolf]

im sorry for bothering you guys again but i need your advice , she broke up with her fiance ( i dont know the reason , i didnt ask her yet ) , i didnt know because i didnt talk to her very much only work stuff but they broke up around december

now she started getting close and wants to hangout , i would like to accept but im afraid that if we get together she will still act friendly with other guys , she likes to playfight with other coworkers , one of them even grabbed her from behind her neck and bend her over

do you think that she might change and stop being playful with guys if we get together and i tell her that it bothers me ?

Well, you have 2 options:

- Just bang her and have fun but don’t get attached (assuming this won’t result in you losing your job). She seems like big trouble.

- Put boundaries, do your thing, and just let her chase. Eventually her interest in you will fade out if it’s not reciprocated. And she would have probably banged the whole office by that time.

 

[justme1990]

Well, you have 2 options:

- Just bang her and have fun but don’t get attached (assuming this won’t result in you losing your job). She seems like big trouble.

- Put boundaries, do your thing, and just let her chase. Eventually her interest in you will fade out if it’s not reciprocated. And she would have probably banged the whole office by that time.

losing my job because of this is not a thing because HR in this company does give a **** about romantic relationships drama

i would like to bang her but i would also like something more long term with her but i feel like i would always have to be at my best because i might lose her

she might like attention but i dont think that she would start banging guys at the office , everyone would have found out , there is so much gossip that its impossible to keep a secret , everytime someone ****ed around at the office we all found out eventually

 

[Clockwerk50]

im sorry for bothering you guys again but i need your advice , she broke up with her fiance ( i dont know the reason , i didnt ask her yet ) , i didnt know because i didnt talk to her very much only work stuff but they broke up around december

now she started getting close and wants to hangout , i would like to accept but im afraid that if we get together she will still act friendly with other guys , she likes to playfight with other coworkers , one of them even grabbed her from behind her neck and bend her over

do you think that she might change and stop being playful with guys if we get together and i tell her that it bothers me ?

Something tells me her SMV is higher than yours, which is already a recipe for disaster. Women tend to date up, men tend to date down so right off the bat this dynamic isn’t in your favor. There is something that makes me think you are a "nice guy". On top of that, I’ve honestly never heard anything positive come from mate-guarding or jealousy. At best, it’s insecurity and possessiveness; at worst, it’s a red flag, especially since you’re not even officially dating yet. You’re counting chickens before they hatch.

Also, she just got out of a relationship. The last thing she’s likely to want is to jump straight into another one with new boundaries and less freedom, especially so soon, before she’s had a chance to enjoy her independence. Nothing will make her run for the hills faster than you coming on overly relationship-focused. Logically, your role right now should be to offer fun, romance, and adventure and not pressure or expectations.

Either way, if you want to sleep with her, ask her out; it is the only way to find out if she wants the same thing as you do. Don’t be scared. Just remember the principle: she’s not yours, it’s only your turn.

She’s Not Yours

 

[BaronOfHair]

...im afraid that if we get together she will still act friendly with other guys , she likes to playfight with other coworkers , one of them even grabbed her from behind her neck and bend her over

do you think that she might change and stop being playful with guys if we get together and i tell her that it bothers me ?

Relax... She'll cease and desist with all that sh-t, sure as Uncle Sam will stop robbing everyday citizens blind via asset forfeiture, by 6PM EST today. Your worries are more groundless than Tom Cruise's fear that his days of passing himself of as a convincing action hero(Recall: This wasn't "a thing" prior to The 2000s

)have run out of gas, now that he's nearing AARP eligibility

 

[justme1990]

Relax... She'll cease and desist with all that sh-t, sure as Uncle Sam will stop robbing everyday citizens blind via asset forfeiture, by 6PM EST today. Your worries are more groundless than Tom Cruise's fear that his days of passing himself of as a convincing action hero(Recall: This wasn't "a thing" prior to The 2000s

)have run out of gas, now that he's nearing AARP eligibility

i dont know the movie so i dont know if you are being sarcastic or not but im guessing that you are

im just thinking that if i give her enough attention she wont need attention from other guys

 

[BaronOfHair]

im just thinking that if i give her enough attention she wont need attention from other guys

Give it a whirl then. Having one's far fetched schemes explode with Nagaski-esque force as he tenaciously clings to them with both hands, taking half his face off in the process, is a rite of passage EVERY man most go through. Your number may have been called up here

 

[RangerMIke]

If the OP is confused, then she isn't really interested. A SANE woman that likes you and is interested isn't going to confuse you, but she could have a narcissistic personality disorder. But if the OP is a person that needs to learn for direct experience... then go ahead.

 

[Clockwerk50]

If the OP is confused, then she isn't really interested. A SANE woman that likes you and is interested isn't going to confuse you, but she could have a narcissistic personality disorder. But if the OP is a person that needs to learn for direct experience... then go ahead.

What concerns me the most though is that OP seems to be operating from a very idealized view of how relationships start. There’s an assumption that interest should immediately turn into relationship rules and boundaries, even before they even slept together. Placing relationship-style boundaries before there’s even a relationship is usually a sign of inexperience.

OP would benefit from gaining dating experience, learning how attraction actually develops, and reading everything possible to kill the Disney fantasy. I wish more people read current material since it’s difficult to pinpoint where he should even start in order to become a more attractive man in one single post.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She seems to like using you as a play toy OP. It's her way of making the day more fun and exciting.

 

[justme1990]

What concerns me the most though is that OP seems to be operating from a very idealized view of how relationships start. There’s an assumption that interest should immediately turn into relationship rules and boundaries, even before they even slept together. Placing relationship-style boundaries before there’s even a relationship is usually a sign of inexperience.

OP would benefit from gaining dating experience, learning how attraction actually develops, and reading everything possible to kill the Disney fantasy. I wish more people read current material since it’s difficult to pinpoint where he should even start in order to become a more attractive man in one single post.

I dont want stuff to be too serious from the start but i also wouldnt like seeing her playfighting with coworkers

I know that if i tell her to stop she would just say " who are you to tell me what to do , we arnt a couple or anything like that "

This is the only thing that i dont like about her , if she wouldnt pkayfighting with other coworkers things would be great

 

[Clockwerk50]

I dont want stuff to be too serious from the start but i also wouldnt like seeing her playfighting with coworkers

I know that if i tell her to stop she would just say " who are you to tell me what to do , we arnt a couple or anything like that "

This is the only thing that i dont like about her , if she wouldnt pkayfighting with other coworkers things would be great

Ok bro, but this is already a contradiction. You don’t want things to be serious, yet you want her behavior to change. You don’t get relationship-level consideration from someone you’re not in a romantic relationship with.

Here’s a quick summary on how dating usually works. Early on, you talk to multiple women by asking for numbers, going on first dates, casual hangouts, etc. You pay attention to who’s giving you red, yellow, or green lights, and you adjust accordingly. You push forward with the ones who and when they show interest and pull back from the ones who and when they don’t. Eventually, you sleep together. After sex, you start vetting more seriously. If you’re seeing multiple women, you figure out who fits you best for a relationship and who doesn’t. Those who don’t, you take them down a notch. This is where LTRs, FWBs, and casual dating come from.

The key point is that the first phase is about vetting for interest. The second phase is about vetting who genuinely wants a relationship with you, enforcing rules, and who is willing to adjust her behaviour voluntarily. That’s why your plan to create boundaries before even knowing her interest level is bizarre. This is why my advice was to ask her out, see where it goes, have sex if it happens, and then cross that bridge when you get there.

If you don’t want to go that route, that’s fine. Your only real options are to accept her as she is and see how things develop naturally, or decide early that this girl doesn’t work for you and step back. Some people are playful and flirty by nature, and trying to control or suppress that usually just creates resentment on both sides. After all, why would she change for something she’s scared to lose, which is you, if we don’t even know that she definitely wants you?

Either this, or you’re using her flirtiness as a cope for fear of asking her out.

Anyways, good luck.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I dont want stuff to be too serious from the start but i also wouldnt like seeing her playfighting with coworkers

I know that if i tell her to stop she would just say " who are you to tell me what to do , we arnt a couple or anything like that "

This is the only thing that i dont like about her , if she wouldnt pkayfighting with other coworkers things would be great

The only serious stuff going on in any of this is in your mind where she has literally done nothing but your hamster wheel is spinning out of control.