She has a boyfriend

[Dazwise]

Hi guys

This girl at my work she has a boyfriend, im not looking to get with her while she is with him, but she seems very unhappy around him and we are getting on very well.

i was wondering how i should go about finding out if she is unhappy with him?

also how do i go about finding out if shes into me?

i have been flirting with her quite a lot recently and wondering in this situation should i be using the neg-hits as discussed in this forum.

sorry im still quite new here i have read some threads but cant seem to really get any answers.

if any more info is needed for better answers just let me know

cheers in advance

Darren

 

[captain A]

First of all, I DO NOT condone hooking up with another dude's girlfriend. It's bad karma, don't do it.

Ok. This is just my experience and others can throw their two cents in but in my experience if she's a girl in a situation that she's unhappy with and she's obviously into you then ask her to hang out with you and a few people after work - go get some drinks and let her talk...be a good listener and she'll come onto you - especially if she's feeling like her man doesn't appreciate her right now. Women in relationships are constantly needing validation that they are still attractive and can get other men....anyway, You'll get a good kiss out of the deal...maybe more but here's where you have to make a choice:
If you are really interested in this chic and you feel like you could maybe have a relationship: then WALK AWAY.
This lets her know that you are interested, you've begun the physical process but you can't do anything more with her because she "has a boyfriend"...When you go away and don't give her anymore it plants a seed in her mind that she is not feeling the kind of feelings with her boyfriend that she would like....and this will expedite the demise of the relationship...and neither one of you feel rotten about it and it's not necessarily your fault. The process usually takes 1-3 months and during that time you make sure to not be around. She'll hit you up when it's over, trust me.
Now.......
If you aren't really interested in spending real time with her to screen for a relationship then DON"T DO THIS. It DOES make you a bad person. If you just want to F*ck then do everything as stated above except for the walk away part. Just keep hitting her up and "hanging out" until she will eventually feel rotten and tell you that it needs to stop and get back with her boyfriend.....and they'll still break up but later down the road and it won't be so that she can be with you.

Again, that's just my experience but it seems to be pretty consistent.....If i were you though, I wouldn't advance on this situation. It's a girl that you work with....which is never good because if things go bad you have to be around her all the time and it could potentially poison the well - so to speak. On top that she's got a boyfriend so that's two HUGE strikes against her.

 

[Dazwise]

Hi Captain A

Thanks for the reply, when you say walk away how would i go about this as i work on the same team at the moment and we do have to communicate with work issues, would it be just stick to work issues and not flirt?

however i am in the process of trying to move out of the department.

Darren

 

[SgtSplacker]

Relax with all the inquiry and just be cool with her. She'll let you know whats up in due time...

 

[Dazwise]

Hi SgtSplacker

cheers for the reply

by being cool do you mean keep on flirting and carry on as i am doing, or should i still be doing the push/pull theory in this situation.

Darren

 

[captain A]

You can still be kind of flirty and friendly but don't spend time with her outside of work or have long text/facebook conversations. The idea is that you plant a seed in her mind that she is attracted to you but you are not an option at the moment......but then you pull back so that her relationship can end naturally without you being in any position to have blame placed on you for it.

basically, engage physically then insert time, space and other women.

 

[SgtSplacker]

IMHO:
If you have a sexually explosive relationship, sex in the elevator kinda thing. You can be a little more aggressive with the game you pitch. In the end she prolly doesn't care what you think because she's getting what she wants from you already and that's sex.

But if she has not shown this kind of interest in you and she still has a man. I would chill a bit and be cool until things dissolve by themselves. You can easily enter a scenario where she starts thinking she doesn't want you to think poorly of her because of what she is doing to her man by hooking up with you. Logically if she did it to him she would do it to you right? And since it's not a sexual relationship she may be turned off because you are trying too hard to get her and you really have little vested in the relationship as far as time together goes. If you really have not shared good times together she's gonna think "why does he like me so much? he must be desperate!"

I would be cool flirty friendly and constantly DHV to her and leave it at that. Make her want you. I would not neg a depressed woman in a failing relationship...

 

[Dazwise]

Hi Captain A

Thanks again

i have not added her on facebook due to that prob causing a few problems.

i have not yet spent time with her outside work but it was something i was looking to try and achieve - i will put that off now thanks for advice.

sorry to be a pain but what do you mean by engage physically? breaking the touch barrier?

Cheers

Darren

 

[GADavid]

First, do not ask questions. This is needy behavior. You know she has a boyfriend, you know she is interested in you. For now, this is all you need to know.

If she is unhappy with her boyfriend, let her deal with it on her own. Just be the happy guy around her and she might be tempted to find out more about what's making you so happy and her so miserable. It's human nature to want to be with happy, upbeat people...

But, do NOT become her outlet. She's looking around (flirting) to get what she isn't getting at home. Don't be her emotional support while her relationship is in a rough spot.

Push/pull might work. She needs to know you're interested, fun, happy, whatever but she also needs to know that she can't be part of your life as long as she keeps her boyfriend.

Finally, keep your distance. If you get attached to a girl with a boyfriend, no good can or will come of it.

 

[Dazwise]

Hi SgtSplacker

Thanks again

could you give me some idea of where does coming across as flirty end and start to look like im being needy?

Cheers

Darren

 

[Dazwise]

Thanks gadavid

that seemed to answer a few questions

 

[captain A]

SGT Splacker has the right idea...

The scenario I was setting up was one in which you guys are in a comfortable social situation that would allow for things to escalate ..and then you back off but there are a LOT of things that could go wrong with it so....now that I think about it, don't do it. Just be cool and feel your situation out as it goes.....and work on talking to other chics so that you don't get too invested.

 

[Dazwise]

Thanks captain A

I do also talk to other chicks on the team and try to have a laugh with them too, but would never think of taking things any further with them.

i wouldn't say that being interested in her is stopping me from talking and being interested in other women.

Cheers

 

[Reptile]

My ex broke up with me because of a guy like you, they are working together and she went straight to him when we broke up.

My question is: Do you really wanna be that guy? The rebound, because you will be a rebound if it ends and you date her when it does.

There are other girls out there, single, who doesn't have to give you all the drama.
She won't be easy to handle, and do you really wanna wait for them to break up THEN wait several months until she feels good again? Look around, chase someoneelse is my advice.

 

[Dazwise]

Hi Reptile

Thanks for the reply

I have thought about all this which is why i hit this forum for some advice

Cheers

 

[Reptile]

Dazwise, then what are you gonna do?

 

[Dazwise]

Hi reptile

gonna give it more thought

but thinking i will just be myself around her, and carry on looking for other women as i haven't actually stopped doing this and see where it takes me

Cheers

 

[Reptile]

Sounds like a good idea