"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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She got fired because of me. What can I do?

customer101

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I’ve been going to this foreign massage parlor that is owned by a Colombian and employs Colombian women and men. For the handful of times I’ve been there, this masseuse is usually assigned to me. Whenever I’m her client, we sometimes have some small talk about a few vague things on what’s going on with our lives. Well, I’ve come to really enjoy talking with her and look forward to getting massaged by her.

Last Friday, I kinda messed things up by unintentionally admitting that I feel attracted to her. I’ve never been a straightforward woman when it comes to romantic feelings, but it just felt right, you know? To my surprise, she told me she feels the same way, but that they are not allowed to date their clients, so she can’t do anything.

I told her that I would go see another masseuse for my weekly massages instead and we ended up kissing. It was at that precise moment that her boss walked in and saw us. She yelled at her in their native language and fired her in front of everyone. I feel so bad about what happened. What can I do?
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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soulforge

Master Don Juan
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Troll? You can't do diddly squat.. She has been fired.
 

devilkingx2

Master Don Juan
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Wait so you're both girls? Hot.

Kissing her at work was dumb, her boss walking in at that exact moment is so unlucky it borders on unbelievable (it's also a fairly recent/modern porn scenario)

You should've just gone out with her outside of work.

If you ever see or talk to her again all you can do is hope she doesn't care and start hooking up with her while she finds a new job (unlikely best case scenario)
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Billtx49

Master Don Juan
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Start by deftly revealing to her the size and shape of your strapon. She has plenty of free time now, so bang her brains out.
 
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