"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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She gets pissed when i won't come out with her last minute.

returningchamp

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I had about a one month fling with this girl 5 months ago. It ended on pretty good terms and no bridges were burned. I "left her better than she was when i found her."

Last week she randomly calls me. I answer, and she basically says she went back to her ex, but it's not working out, that he asked her if she even loved him anymore, and she couldn't give a straight answer (because she doesn't). That she's looking at apartments, and once she has one lined up - she's leaving him. She says she wants to be single and enjoy life again. No harm there.

---

Fast-forward to this monday, she texts me, "I got an apartment! I can move in on the 1st" (that's this friday; tomorrow). We chat a little, and I tell her i'll come see it on saturday after she gets off work at noon.

Everything's cool so far, until 11:30pm last night...

Now before i tell this story - i want to make it clear that BB is one of her orbitors. In fact - he's her main orbitor, and he buys her things (shoes, food,, etc.) I believe she's fvcked him a few times, but do not know for sure. It's obvious being around them - that he likes her a lot more than she likes him.

Now... on with the story... 11:30PM

HER: "Wish you would come here... At [Bar I don't like]"
ME: "I can't tonight, busy right now. Let's grab a drink after you get off work tomorrow night at [Bar I like.]"
HER: "I can't sorrrrrryy"
ME: "It's cool, i go out with a bunch of people from work on thursdays for happy hour; i thought you'd like to meet them. No biggie."
HER: "I would, it's the end of the month though, so i have to work 14 hour tomorrow."

Thought that was the end of the convo...

About midnight

HER: "I really needed you tonight out of all nights."
HER: "Thanks for being here for me."
HER: "pleeeeeasssseeee!"
ME: "If you truthfully need to see me that bad - you can some stop over. The bar you're at is 10 minutes down the road."
HER: "Ok, but im with BB (her orbitor)! But i need a hug from you though! Really bad! You have no idea!"
HER: "Don't know what to say to make you realize!"
HER: "But i get it!"
HER: "I made movements to get past everything with him tonight. I told him. I need you here, but i guess you can't"
HER: "Where are you? I'll meet you."
ME: "I'm at my house. 10 minutes down the road; like i said."
HER: "Thanks a lot, but i can't come, BB is driving and he won't drive me to your house. Whatever then!"
HER: "How about we meet at [FEMALE STRIP CLUB about 30 minutes from my house]" [WTF?]
ME: "No. I think you've forgot who i am... I'm about to lay down."
HER: "Ok, It would make a huge difference if you came. I've begged you in a way tonight."
HER: "This is the time i need you most. I guess i need to understand."
ME: "All you need to understand is that i need to get up in 5 hours. As much as i wouldn't mind your head on my chest and my arms wrapped around you - it'll have to wait. Goodnight."
HER: "You've made me realize sat won't work. You're not you. n9 yrs!" [no idea what "n9 yrs!" means]

WTF? She really just cancelled saturday because i wouldn't come to her on some last minute boohoo stuff?

I'm not going to go running to a girl one a moments notice because she wants me/needs me to. Especially when it doesn't even sound like anything could come of it other than her trying to use me as her therapist.

But **** it! Women be crazy women be!
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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PrettyBoyAJ

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She was obviously drunk.
 

Tiguere

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And from what we can tell that orbitor is a true embodiment of an AFC sitting there while she texts you hoping for a piece of punani at the end of the night.

You did good.
 

cordoncordon

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You did well. She is obviously really into you. This will make her want you even more. Keep up the good work and way to stand your ground. :rockon:
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

Read more...

returningchamp

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Thanks guys, im slowly coming along with this stuff :)

I was feeling great about the interaction and standing my ground (something i wouldn't have done a few years ago). But the last bit with her saying she wasn't going to do saturday now confused me. Didn't respond to it, and not sure i am.

So, should i assume she's not going to be here now? Or that she was just drunk and she is going to be here? Would you ask her about it? Tease her about it? Or what?
 

cordoncordon

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returningchamp said:
Thanks guys, im slowly coming along with this stuff :)

I was feeling great about the interaction and standing my ground (something i wouldn't have done a few years ago). But the last bit with her saying she wasn't going to do saturday now confused me. Didn't respond to it, and not sure i am.

So, should i assume she's not going to be here now? Or that she was just drunk and she is going to be here? Would you ask her about it? Tease her about it? Or what?
Yeah she was just drunk the other night, probably lonely too from her breakup even with the orbitor there.

I would just text/tease her tomorrow and say something like "what time is good for you Saturday? I want to make sure I get to the store beforehand and stock up crying towels haha. After all that whining you did the other night I think you need em". :)
 

SpartanFrog

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cordoncordon said:
I would just text/tease her tomorrow and say something like "what time is good for you Saturday? I want to make sure I get to the store beforehand and stock up crying towels haha. After all that whining you did the other night I think you need em". :)
No. Say "I'm going to pick you up around X time." If you ask she will probably say no.

I, also, agree she was probably drunk/upset with break up with BB and he just being there.
 

808

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I know I'm just repeating what's been said..

But you did good. You didnt give in, you stood your ground.

You let her, what I presume to be AFC, friend 'BB' be her therapist for the night.
 

rocket87

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Wow great job dude. You did absolutely everything right, your responses were SPOT on. She definitely was reading that entire conversation ALL day on tuesday, guaranteed - trying to make something of it or figure you out haha. You totally maintained your nonchalant attitude via text, which can be really hard to do. Props to you sire. :woo:

Is she hot?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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