She flaked on me

[unsponsored]

Hi everyone! new member here. So I had a date set up with the girl who is a friend of a friend. We'd hung out in a group but she suggested that just the two of us hang out. I didn't really think she'd flake cuz she seemed pretty interested. I saw her out at the bar the day before and we talked a minute and she asked me if we were still getting together.


Me: Yeah, defintely! I'll give ya a call tomorrow night.
Her: Great! I'm staying with my mom for the weekend, but I still want to hang out. I even got it marked on my schedule.
Me: *laugh* I know, I was there when you wrote it in.
Her: Alright well I'm headed home.
Me: Cool, I'll see you tomorrow then

The next day I gave her a call around 8:30 to let her know that I was done with all my s**t for the day and I was gonna head on over. I didn't hear from her so a couple hours later I sent her a text saying:

"I tried to call you to get together but it looks like I missed you. Maybe another time. I'm gonna hit the town. Later!"

She texted me the next day with:

"Sorry i missed your call. I stayed with my mom over the weekend and didn't see your message til late. Rain check for sure."

I haven't texted her back(should I?) Did I go wrong somewhere on this one or did she just flake for whatever reason? I read through http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1596861 and it seems like good advice. How can I apply it to this situation?

 

[Stugots26]

Somehow I'm expecting a girl to eventually show up here and start a thread saying, "I can't figure him outttttttt. He tried to see me twice and I couldn't make it and let him know later. Why are guys so confusing lol"

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Remember to put flaky girls in the "nothing more than fvckbuddies category.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

Doesn't appear you did anything wrong, good job on the post-flake text and not sounding bitter.

I'm guessing she's either lying or it was a sh!t test, neither of which are a good sign.

Wait at least a week to ask her out again, if she acts distant or flakes, you know what to do.

 

[Von]

Give her 1 more chance and something on your turf, so you control the outcome (she flake again, she's out, but you have planB)

She flake again, you erase her

 

[nolesfan]

I actually had a similar situation happen to me a few weeks ago....

We were supposed to hang out that night and she texted me that afternoon saying that her sister needed help moving to Ohio

I just calmly responded with: no problem, who couldnt use a ninja to help them move things (inside joke between me and her about her being a ninja)

She texted me a few hours later desperately trying to set up another time, she asked about the following day, I already had plans, so i told her that, and we set up a time for later the next week.

Its all about the initial response and not getting upset about girls that change their mind, because they always will. Stay cool as a cucumber.

You did a nice job on the response, keep staying strong.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Usually a girl flakes because she doesn't feel comfortable enough to meet a stranger. Like people on this site expect girls to drop everything in their life for some strange male trying to be mysterious. Girls have more options than guys,so they aren't as desperate as us.

 

[Yewki]

I would not respond, until you initiate next time for another date (if you decide to).

She knows she was in the wrong. Let her hamster spin. She deserves it.

@Stugots26I would have not said the "I'm going out" bit, seemed a little forced. But who cares, it worked well and sent the right message. Last of the alphas advice is spot on.

Yeah texting "I'm gonna hit the town" was weak. It's obvious you were trying to impress her by appearing busy. You have no reason to keep her updated on what you're doing.

 

[unsponsored]

Wow I didn't realize I had so many replies. Thanks for the great advice! I've had a few days to think about it and get some more clarity.

@Stugots26
Good move man. Your text was very cool and distanced. I would have not said the "I'm going out" bit, seemed a little forced. But who cares, it worked well and sent the right message. Last of the alphas advice is spot on.

I could see how it could come off as that, but it wasn't my intention. I just meant it as "I haven't heard from ya so I'm gonna do something else." but as @Yewki pointed out I don't really need to update her on what I'm doing. so yeah, that's fair.

Usually a girl flakes because she doesn't feel comfortable enough to meet a stranger. Like people on this site expect girls to drop everything in their life for some strange male trying to be mysterious. Girls have more options than guys,so they aren't as desperate as us.

Doesn't apply here at all. I've known her casually for quite some time and hardly anything that I would call strangers. Furthermore, I didn't expect her to drop everything, but merely keep a date that she suggested in the first place. I'd say that's pretty low expectation by any standard.

After thinking this over I've realized the reason why she flaked is of little importance. She doesn't owe me anything and I don't owe her anything. I ended up having an awesome night regardless of what happened. If she gives me a call or I see her out and she brings up getting together then I'll entertain the idea, but as of now I don't feel inclined to call her and ask her out again.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Wow I didn't realize I had so many replies. Thanks for the great advice! I've had a few days to think about it and get some more clarity.



I could see how it could come off as that, but it wasn't my intention. I just meant it as "I haven't heard from ya so I'm gonna do something else." but as @Yewki pointed out I don't really need to update her on what I'm doing. so yeah, that's fair.



Doesn't apply here at all. I've known her casually for quite some time and hardly anything that I would call strangers. Furthermore, I didn't expect her to drop everything, but merely keep a date that she suggested in the first place. I'd say that's pretty low expectation by any standard.

After thinking this over I've realized the reason why she flaked is of little importance. She doesn't owe me anything and I don't owe her anything. I ended up having an awesome night regardless of what happened. If she gives me a call or I see her out and she brings up getting together then I'll entertain the idea, but as of now I don't feel inclined to call her and ask her out again.

Well if she knows you then that's a different story. You are right, she doesn't owe you ****, but people are polite to people they like. She could have been unable to make the date. However, if she truly cared then she would have messaged you earlier that day that she would probably not make it. Think about it, you have an important interview with Google at 6pm on Thursday. If something happens and you are unable to make it, would you flake and contact the company the day after with an excuse?

 

[unsponsored]

Well if she knows you then that's a different story. You are right, she doesn't owe you ****, but people are polite to people they like. She could have been unable to make the date. However, if she truly cared then she would have messaged you earlier that day that she would probably not make it. Think about it, you have an important interview with Google at 6pm on Thursday. If something happens and you are unable to make it, would you flake and contact the company the day after with an excuse?

I totally agree with you on this part. I originally included something like this in my last post, but took it out for the sake of brevity. Courteous people or those who care will typically let you know so that you're not left in the dark. I've dated a flake before and I've found that the flakiness never really gets better. If anything the bad qualities that people exemplify typically become more problematic later on in a relationship after the initial honeymoon phase is over.

Ultimately, this is why I tend to be mindful of how people act when we first meet so I can weed out those that might be problematic later on. Thanks for the reply!