She falls out of love with you...so what??

[FutureSpartan]

Why do we take a break-up or getting dumped so personally and seriously?

If my gf decided she no longer wanted to be with me,
even if she did something f*cked up like cheat...should I really care anyways unless I was gonna marry her?

I mean, yeah it sux to get dumped/cheated on and I totally understand the typical guy getting upset, but wouldnt an enlightened man realize that its only his ego getting bruised and the end of a relationship opens up the opportunity to new, possibly better relationship(s).

If I got dumped by my gf, in my head I would probably thank her for giving me the opportunity to pursue other attractive women without feeling guilty about it.

This nonchalant attitude may also open the opportunity for FB status with your ex.....she sees that her dumping you left you totally unaffected and now she wonders whether she made the right choice.

Marriage ambitions aside, I just don't see the point in getting emotional over something that, ultimately, was gonna end anyways.

 

[horaholic]

That would be great if we had a choice of how our emotions work. The only answer is to have more options.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Why do we take a break-up or getting dumped so personally and seriously?"

Those that take it so personally as many of us have done and much more so than say regular guys who never come to or need forums like this is because we never had our dad, a knowledgeable uncle or an older brother sit us down one day and tell us how women and the game works and in the cases where this did occur the guys that still end up hurting likely simply did not listen and thought they knew better.

Anyway without that buffer against pain and dissapointment, that guard against gullibility and automatically assuming all people are good and have your best interests in mind, that buffer that would instruct us to guard our hearts and avoid red flags provided for us early on it was only a matter of time before we ended up at a place like this discovering the truth for the very first time or living our lives in perpetual AFC hell continually hitting our heads against a brick wall.

Where our immediate families and the education system dropped the ball with us the mainstream media and society picked up the slack and filled our brains with feminist lies, soulmate myths and various other falsehoods that only served to take us further down the path to self destruction for the benefit of their anti man agenda.

 

[FutureSpartan]

Like I said, I understand the uninformed ignorant typical male getting his emotions wrecked by a break-up...but I want to transcend that level...to totally be unaffected by a woman leaving me.

After all, how are we keeping an abundance mentality if we put too much emotional investment in one girl??

It should just feel like stubbing your toe...hurts for a few seconds and thats it.

 

[Gustav Yavo]

Completely agree, i want to reach that level too. I'm nineteen and i had an interesting talk with my father last night because my gf left me recently and i brought it up again so he could give me his two cents. He mentioned how girls my age still have no clue what they want, they go around looking for something that is often only there for short term because they're searching for immediate satisfaction.
This girl was very special to me in so many ways, but you then think to yourself "why am i tearing myself up over this, why am i self destructing on myself, why do you blame yourself for such a turn of events". Truth is **** happens, and chances are the next chick you get into a relationship with will be 100 times better, because you are more sure of what qualities you want to see in a girl.

Guys take breakups as a bad thing, when they should be taken like any other life lesson. You learn so much more from failure, and in order to move forward as a more positive/better person you need these failures.

 

[Igetit!]

Why do we take a break-up or getting dumped so personally and seriously?

Why do we take it so personally? Well let's see:When you hang around a woman for a long period of time,laughing/joking,talking,getting to know each other,and having sex repeatedly,you grow attached to her. With women,it's emotional first,then sexual. With us guys,it's sexual first. When we have sex over and over again with a woman,we'll bond emotionally with her. That's just the way it is.
You say why do we take it so personally? Well let a woman who's been faithfully in a sexual relationship you go and sleep with another guy,then tell me whether you'll take it personally or not.

If my gf decided she no longer wanted to be with me,
even if she did something f*cked up like cheat...should I really care anyways unless I was gonna marry her?

This is a good point,but it's logical.
Even though women are more emotional than men,the rules of emotions apply to both men and women equally. Maybe you shouldn't care unless you were going to marry her.....but you do. To say that you should "feel" a certain emotion only under certain circumstances is naive.
If you have a girlfriend and she cheats,you'll feel angry and hurt.
If you like a girl who's NOT your girlfriend,and I mean really,really like her to the point of oneitis,and you find out that she just started dating some other guy,you'll feel hurt and jealous. Well,why? Why would you feel this way? She not your girlfriend,so why are you so upset?
You see what I mean?

I mean, yeah it sux to get dumped/cheated on and I totally understand the typical guy getting upset, but wouldnt an enlightened man realize that its only his ego getting bruised and the end of a relationship opens up the opportunity to new, possibly better relationship(s).

Oh,so a "typical guy" getting upset,you can understand,but an "enlightened man" shouldn't feel anything,right? Well,what's the difference between "typical" and "enlightened"? Knowledge,right? The enlightened guy knows more than the typical one,but again,it's logical. It's facts,data,and information. It has nothing to do with their emotional investment in a woman. As far as becoming emotonally bonded to a woman after having sex with her for an extended period of time,both the typical and enlightened man are the same. There's no difference. Being cheated on/disrespected will hurt both the high school dropout,as well as an Harvard Graduate with an mba.

If I got dumped by my gf, in my head I would probably thank her for giving me the opportunity to pursue other attractive women without feeling guilty about it.

No you wouldn't. You be hurt just like everybody else. You'd be hurt/feel bad for a little while,then you'd get over it,and start dating new girls.....just like everybody else.

This nonchalant attitude may also open the opportunity for FB status with your ex.....she sees that her dumping you left you totally unaffected and now she wonders whether she made the right choice.

Ok,I'll concede to you on this one. This one just might be true.

Marriage ambitions aside, I just don't see the point in getting emotional over something that, ultimately, was gonna end anyways.

Alright,this will make number 3,the third time I've said this,but hey,it applies. You say that you don't see the point. In other words,logically in your mind,you've gone over this thing over and over again,looked at the pros and cons,and you've logically concluded that there's no point in getting emotional over a girl if you're not going to get married to her,and the relationship was going to end anyway.

I AGREE.

Yes,logically speaking,you're right. There is no point. But as long as sex is involved between you and a woman,and I mean having sex with her over and over again for a long period of time,YOU WILL GET EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED.PERIOD.

Reguardless of it not making any sense,it's going to happen.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Like I said, I understand the uninformed ignorant typical male getting his emotions wrecked by a break-up...but I want to transcend that level...to totally be unaffected by a woman leaving me."

Well when it comes to the way to transcend that level for us guys who never had the buffer of early advice on the game by a family member or close friend and thus grew up to be AFC's and had to eventually find our way out of that mindset I really think the poster Bible Belt got it right.

You have to go fvck 10 other women to get over the ego pain of losing a certain girl or at least you should try that before anything else.

A lot of people bury their pain in drugs, alcohol or they go over it in their head so much it becomes depression or something else when really the way to overcome a lot of mental health issues is to face your fears or what you had difficulty with head on and that doesn't mean you go groveling to the ex to take you back oh no but what it does mean is in the AFC case the AFC's problems and difficulty are with women so instead of turning to drugs, turning on the Eminem CD and letting his mind fill with anger he needs to go out and deal with as many women as possible and face his problem head on until he starts to get it right by learning as much as he can with women face to face.

Eventually when you get to the point you can do Bible Belt's solution because you are so good with women your ego gets so gradually repaired along the way you hardly even notice and one day you look in the mirror and are amazed at yourself and your progress from being a lump of miserable sh!t to becoming "the sh!t".

 

[Gustav Yavo]

Lol, yknow i gotta hand it to ya KontrollerX, you often get somewhat criticized because your blunt when it comes to your advice (tough love? lol), but always damn good advice man!

 

[FutureSpartan]

Igetit...

I can see what you are getting at. I read Gunwitch's post that explained how having a girlfriend has a positive effect on a man's limbic system...makes it easier to deal with situations when you have that nurturing support from her.

She leaves...and then suddenly you are left without that stimulus; now have to deal with those issues on your own. Most guys become depressed or mental wrecks for some time because of this.

Its called co-dependency and its something I think any guy who is self-aware of his thoughts and emotions should work on minimizing. Thats what I meant by enlightened btw....has nothing to do with level of education but more with how insightful a man is towards himself. "Know thyself" is my favorite quote.

I know its gonna hurt...why it should hurt and how to keep that "hurt" in perspective is something I want to improve myself on.

 

[DonJuan11]

Why do we take a break-up or getting dumped so personally and seriously?

If my gf decided she no longer wanted to be with me,
even if she did something f*cked up like cheat...should I really care anyways unless I was gonna marry her?

I mean, yeah it sux to get dumped/cheated on and I totally understand the typical guy getting upset, but wouldnt an enlightened man realize that its only his ego getting bruised and the end of a relationship opens up the opportunity to new, possibly better relationship(s).

If I got dumped by my gf, in my head I would probably thank her for giving me the opportunity to pursue other attractive women without feeling guilty about it.

This nonchalant attitude may also open the opportunity for FB status with your ex.....she sees that her dumping you left you totally unaffected and now she wonders whether she made the right choice.

Marriage ambitions aside, I just don't see the point in getting emotional over something that, ultimately, was gonna end anyways.

It's not logical to make the statement "so what if your gf dumps you, who cares?" Different things in life affect people in different ways, some are conditioned to handle it better than others. Just because you can handle it and get a new one in 2 seconds doesn't mean the next guy can. You saying the above is similar to you losing your job and becoming homeless and someone saying "So what the economy is tanking, who cares?"

Also listen to what Kontroller said.

 

[The Logical Player]

easy answer to your question Future Spartan: - always have other options, and always keep dating other girls on the side, even if you do have a girl who is committed to you, because abundance of p*ssy is THE way to protect your heart and to barely even be hurt if your "guuuurlfriend" leaves you