She dropped a bombshell on me...she's been married before.

[1-2]

Been seeing this girl for about 5 months now, she's been a blast and I've really enjoyed my time with her. We're both in our 20s.

I've been putting her through Anti-Dump's Machine, and she's passed everything I've thrown at her. Her interest level is high, she's all about me, she's fun, intelligent, hb 8.5, overall an amazing girl...possibly too amazing?

I've been avoiding the subject of past relationships just cause I generally don't see the point in talking about them. Well a few nights back she happened to start asking me about mine, and I off-handedly asked her if she had been married.

She said that yes, she had in fact been married, when she was so young it was barely legal, and she got a divorce because he cheated on her several times and turned out to be a perennial drug user. She said they were married for less than a year, did not have any kids, and she hasn't talked to him in a decade.

For some reason this news hit me like a ton of bricks, in part probably because so far this has been the coolest chick I've been involved with. Never have I had a girl pass all the tests I've thrown at her like this one, or had as much fun with or as much in common with in as long as I can remember.

Now I'm not sure what to do. In all fairness I had never asked her about her past relationships, but imo having been married before is not a small thing. How would you feel about this? What sort of baggage would an ex-marriage bring into a relationship? Do you think she was hiding this and/or should have been more up front about it?

My heads still sort of spinning, I'm not sure how I should feel about it right now...

 

[K.Pez]

^^same... i don't see a problem with this. she wasn't hiding the fact that she's been married. i'm sure she was nervous about telling you and had no fvcking clue how to go about it. she started the conversation about your past, because she wanted you to ask her about hers so she could tell you. it sounds like you two really like each other, don't throw that away because she made a mistake when she was young. if she has baggage, you would've picked up on it at least a little bit by now.

 

[mothballs]

Going along with the other replies... I don't see it being a big deal... unless you have some religious belief that divorce is an unforgivable act. It ended because he was a loser... it's not like she cheated or it ended because she was crazy. Just forget about it.

 

[sodbuster]

she's had enough time to get over it[don't date them if they are freshly divorced, tap maybe],she probably won't be one of those "I HAVE to get married" girls. I'd almost call it a plus[unless every ex she has has "problems"-why she broke it off with them. She has to be able to take responsib
ility for her share of the breakups.

 

[penkitten]

it was when she was 18 for a tiny short period of time, over a decade ago...
when she realized that he wasn't the one for her, she got out .. fast without children or going into debt.
good for her.

what are you so worried and wigged out about?

 

[prairiedog24]

I'm probably more ATC than most (to the point where I actually have no idea what that means), but I can understand the OP's point. I was really pretty surprised when I found out some of the stuff my girl's been through. Some I kinda guessed, and some I didn't.

My advice isn't to completely ignore it like most everyone else is saying, but just to make it a nice signpost to be slow, be wise, and have an exit plan. Not in a get in, get out way, but in a "is this girl REALLY genuinely good for me, besides the fact that she's ffking awesome" way. The only way I can be objective about that kinda thing is to just take a lot of time, time with her, time away from her, etc.

Some things change, some things never do. When you've fully figured out which are which in your girl, then you're at the point where it should no longer matter to you. Based on what you said, it sounds like she's delt with it very maturely. The fact that she didn't rush to tell you but eventually did is a good thing imho, not a bad one.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It is a good thing, because as you two get serious, it will keep her from wanting to rush you into marriage. She has been around enough to learn that the fairy tale ending does not usually work out that way.