She doesn't like ultimatums...

[slouch]

Hey all. I've been a long time reader of the forums but couldn't find anything specifically about this. Any thoughts? (And please nobody say online dating is for chumps- it is what it is)

I got chatting to an HB7 on OK Cupid yesterday (in fact, she initiated) and after some back and forth, today I hit her with a date close. She said maybe. So I said:

'I'll hold your spot for Wednesday till 9pm tonight. After that, my offer self destructs or goes to the highest bidder.'

To which she said:

'Ha, I don't work like that. The second I am told what to do or given an ultimatum, I run far far away. Try again'.

Now I've blown it with other girls online because I haven't been firm enough. Did I go too far here? And is she actually interested enough that I should, as she says, try again? Or should I say nothing and then next her if she doesn't get back to me before the deadline? Opinions gratefully accepted.

 

[VikingKing]

Hey all. I've been a long time reader of the forums but couldn't find anything specifically about this. Any thoughts? (And please nobody say online dating is for chumps- it is what it is)

I got chatting to an HB7 on OK Cupid yesterday (in fact, she initiated) and after about nine messages I hit her with a date close. She said maybe. So I said:

'I'll hold your spot for Wednesday till 9pm tonight. After that, my offer self destructs or goes to the highest bidder.'

To which she said:

'Ha, I don't work like that. The second I am told what to do or given an ultimatum, I run far far away. Try again'.

Now I've blown it with other girls online because I haven't been firm enough. Did I go too far here? And is she actually interested enough that I should, as she says, try again? Or should I say nothing and then next her if she doesn't get back to me before the deadline? Opinions gratefully accepted.

Yeah, don't say that.

 

[Tictac]

Ask her out, date/time/place specific. If she says no, leave it there. If she says reschedule, say you'll get back to her. Then wait a couple of days.

Ultimatums are BS.

Stop that!

 

[slouch]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm pretty green to the online thing and I'm slowly trying to find an approach that works. Needless to say I won't be making any ultimatums again!

Out of interest, what do you guys generally say if the girl doesn't make a counter-offer, or says something like 'I'll have to check my diary'? Gotta say I'm pretty stumped by these too.

 

[Vice]

Well you messed up by even saying that, but you can tell she's an online dating queen/AW due to her response. She's assuming high value. If she agrees to meet up, expect a flake.

 

[slouch]

Well you messed up by even saying that, but you can tell she's an online dating queen/AW due to her response. She's assuming high value. If she agrees to meet up, expect a flake.

Good shout on the high value thing, I think I was registering that subconsciously but didn't know how to counter it. Gonna leave this one anyway!

 

[Die Hard]

Been struggling HARD with this on Tinder these last months.

At this point I think the best response is to just keep it at "okay" and just naturally let the conversation end (don't abruptly quit the conversation). After that, you go cold on her, don't initiate conversations with her and if she initiates one, just give short answers and act like you don't have time to talk to her.

The idea is this: she knows you want her, you offered to meetup with her, so you've done your part. Now it's up to her to accept the offer or not. It's as simple as that, she either accepts or she declines.
"Maybe" is not an answer, it's just a stupid mind gaming, teasing, woman-playing-around bullshyt reply. So ignore it and wait for her to make her choice.
If you get into conversations about other things, you basically allow her to evade the offer and not answer it....she'll just continue yapping about other nonsense with you and fill up her ego with the attention you're giving her by continuing this nonsense conversation.
That's what girls do with each other, blah blah blah about stupid NONSENSE all day long. Not you, you're here to do business! So you put your offer on the table and then withdraw from any significant conversation until she responds to your offer with acceptance or rejection. If she goes silent after you withdraw from significant conversation, that basically means she rejects your offer and you NEXT her.

 

[Vice]

The main thing I learned from online dating is that I feel much more congruent and manly when I'm not using online dating and instead meeting women in real life.

HOWEVER, online dating can be a great tool if you're very busy or live in a small town. You CAN learn the skills necessary to be successful, but if you're in a large city (with the exception of NYC), you'd be better off learning game.

 

[slouch]

If you get into conversations about other things, you basically allow her to evade the offer and not answer it....she'll just continue yapping about other nonsense with you and fill up her ego with the attention you're giving her by continuing this nonsense conversation.
That's what girls do with each other, blah blah blah about stupid NONSENSE all day long. Not you, you're here to do business! So you put your offer on the table and then withdraw from any significant conversation until she responds to your offer with acceptance or rejection. If she goes silent after you withdraw from significant conversation, that basically means she rejects your offer and you NEXT her.

Man, this is so true. I've fallen into this trap a lot recently and I can definitely tell it's lowered any initial value I had to the girl. With the first couple of numbers I got, I made the mistake of trying to have regular friendly conversations every few days. They were completely aimless and I was just coming across as a comedian. I'm trying to be ruthless now- instead of getting the number, go direct to a date. In this case it rebounded, but it's all a learning process.

Unfortunately I'm pretty busy these days so I've had to focus more on online dating. It's not ideal, particularly because the city I'm in isn't that big, so I've already burnt through a lot of the better girls on POF, OKC etc.

 

[pyros]

slouch:

I think you did ok, your 'ultimatum' was kind of funy so its ok.
She has low interest in meeting you, so as someone above said, you did your part, now you go silent. No more messages, nothing until she contacts you. ANd if she does she should be willing to meet you, if not, you go find another woman that knows if she wants to date you or not.


Simple as that. Do not waste time playing games, or dealing with AW or women that 'have to decide' whether they want to spend 30 minutes having a coffee with you or not.

 

[Redwood]

"Ultimatums" are a joke.

A last minute grab of power from the position of powerlessness isn't going to get you anywhere, brother.

 

[VladPatton]

I'm with pyros on this one. I don't think you did anything herendous here. You were just joking with her and she took it badly, showing a poor sense of humor. There was no reason for her to get biatchy. Eff this girl and find one that understands some humor.

 

[Greasy Pig]

If she had a shred of a sense of humour, she would've seen that for the joke it obviously was. She just has low interest.
If Channing Tatum threw the same line she would've p1ssed herself laughing and played along.
Maybe you didn't do enough to build rapport?
You could've responded with something like: "Ok, so I guess I won't invite you to watch Mission: Impossible with me then.
Or just told her you'd really prefer to spend time with someone who can take a joke and deleted her azz.