She Cried after we had our first kiss. not sure if that's a good thing

[cfdagola]

basically like the title says. not sure if me kissing her and her crying afterwards. like directly afterwards is a good thing.

here's the short to the point of it.

met this girl on a job she had a boyfriend. (they'd been dating for a year and some months at that point) it was obvious from the start she was attracted to me and me to her. for awhile it would just be glances. then those glances turned into conversations. then those conversations turned into friendly conversations and laughs.

things escalated after she gave her number, which at first i was strictly against having so when i did get it i didn't text her at all for a month. she actually started to pursue me. it culminated on the 4th month in my car where we almost kissed. she txted that night and apologizing for leaving suddenly but she felt she was going to make bad decisions if she didn't.

the next night she was engaged. (they just had a 2 year anniversary)

thing is, after the engagement. things slowed down. but then they resumed speed 2 months later. only the escalation was picking up speed really fast. we bonded deeply over the course of 11 months (entire time we've known each other) this half friendship half whatever. it could tell it was pretty pure because for the most part i just enjoyed her company/attention/personality and her the same

and then it happened. she stated she missed me one night and when she'll see me said i wasn't sure. maybe the weekend. she didn't like that answer and then opted to meet during the week. despite her having work at 6 am.

it felt like a date either though none of us said it was. had my arm around her escalating things physically steadily over the night. drove her back to her car. talked about "us" i asked her would you ever leave your dude for me. she seemed torn/conflicted. gave no answer just a lot of really torn sighs looking out the window and saying i hate you. but in a joking matter.

she unbuckled her seatbelt but didn't get her things together to leave, in fact she put her phone in my cup holder. i knew what she wanted. and i wanted it to. i leaned in and kissed her it was pretty passionate as well lasted for about 3 minutes.

that's when the waterworks happened. she said she didn't want to be that girl. and she's worried that she's changed the dynamic of our friendship and doesn't want to lose me. i said listen if it was a mistake. and she promptly cut me off saying she wanted that, and she doesn't want to forget.

she calmed down and we kissed again. she left that night but was worried i wouldn't text/call her anymore.

things cooled down after that. but now they are escalating again on a normal pattern rather than the previous accelerated one. I'm not sure what to think of this. Help me fellow DJ's

 

[n52]

Obviously regretting what she has done but cannot help herself. Do not pursue if you are looking for an LTR in this girl, she will do the same to you one day.

 

[El Payaso]

F*cking slvt. A girl who cheats on you to be with you will cheat on you when she's with you. Don't be a fool.

 

[mikey2012]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=211343

You will become the dude here...the other guy. Listen this will end badly for you. Either she will go back to her fiancé but if she is with you...what makes you think she won't do the same to you. The girl is BPD she has abandonment issues since she can't be with you since she's engaged , if she is with you then she will eventually dump you . Bpds cry like this since this reminds them of childhood trauma when they were abandoned. Search for BPD on this site and read it all.

If you get with her the honeymoon phase will be amazing but after it will be hell on earth. Don't believe me ....go ahead ...


My advice is don't walk away....RUN

 

[Cremasta]

Oh yeah, I was in exactly your shoes once, except that I had oneitis for the girl.
She crossed a line that she never thought she would - I reckon it was her first time cheating on her fiance.

If she doesn't rate her relationship is being sacrosanct, then why should you? See her on the sly, escalate and fyck the guts out of her every opportunity... but be real careful about whether or not you want to steal her from her current man.

 

[cfdagola]

let me add something here. firstly lets stay away from calling this girl a Sl*t. that's not classy and people here are pretty classy at least in my opinion.

she's a woman with needs and issues maybe some of more deeper than others but still. she's a respectable woman. cheating aside. because she's told me the other time she cheated and that dude was a controlling bastard (her words)

now first of all some of you hit the nail right on the head. she has some interpersonal issues. the more i know her the more i understand she's had it tough both family and relationship wise. she was deeply in love with one man and he ended up cheating on her with his ex. i dunno if she ever really got over that. then again if she doesn't tell i don't ask.

second her parents.. yeah they're divorced not even sure if she still talks to her bio father. her step dad. isn't even married to her mom and she still calls him "step dad" he pretty much verbally abuses her mom nightly. and now her mom is sleeping in the basement on a air mattress. YIKES. but we're all human and sometimes we get delt a heavy hand.

third. the age gap.. i'm 31 about to be 32 and she turned 23 in september.

I have offered to take the high road. i said listen i can tell what we got going on is causing you stress. i said obviously this sorta snuck up on us and before we knew it here we are emotionally involved and can't do anything about it. so i offered to leave and BE GONE. i'm leaving this job site anyway in about 2 months time. so it would have been an easy exit strategy. i wanted to be the one to end if if she couldn't.

she doesn't want that. and this is the part she never wanted to happen. she says i've never clicked with somebody like you and honestly when i met my current guy i never thought in a million years that somebody else could sweep me off my feet. She hates people, doesn't really make friends easy either. both men and women. so she hardly has any close friends. on either side.

I'm willing to friendzone MYSELF with this one because honestly she is a really cool girl, she's funny, sexy, cute, she makes me laugh and that is hard to do.

but it doesn't seem like she wants me to place her there. and i don't really want to either. there's so much grey around her.

When she pleaded me to stay with her. she asked if i ever wanted kids. i said of course. and she's like would you even feel the same about me if i was single and you met me. i said i dunno its hard to say but yes probably. she's like if i left him for you and you got bored with me i'd be devastated. and i dunno if i can handle that because i like you so much.

i think this one is at least worth keeping around. i'm ok with putting myself in the friendzone. but not if me just being around her is causing her to second guess herself everytime. the last thing i want is to see more tears run down her face because of me.

i dunno. i'm neutral. its weird because i feel like i can let her go so easy but don't want to? I never text her first she always text's me. never call her. i mean she does almost 90% of the work here. What do you say now?

 

[cfdagola]

Oh yeah, I was in exactly your shoes once, except that I had oneitis for the girl.
She crossed a line that she never thought she would - I reckon it was her first time cheating on her fiance.

If she doesn't rate her relationship is being sacrosanct, then why should you? See her on the sly, escalate and fyck the guts out of her every opportunity... but be real careful about whether or not you want to steal her from her current man.

it was.. before me she didn't really look at other guys like that. that's pretty much the jist of what i'm getting from other people who know her at this site.

thing is oneitus is developed when your not getting enough attention from the girl and it seems very one sided.

for this one.. i get all the attention i need. in fact its her that puts in more work than i do. she commented on it. i just said i don't always txt first because i don't really have a lot of sh*t to say.

she's also not lying to her guy. she is omitting certain details though. he called her that night we kissed i even stepped out for a cigarette while she talked to him. she said i'm out here with so and so. i would have not minded his presence. i think he's a pretty cool guy. he's a great guy actually. i'm not actively TRYING to bang her. its just happening in an organic fashion.

 

[JohnChops]

let me add something here. firstly lets stay away from calling this girl a Sl*t. that's not classy and people here are pretty classy at least in my opinion.

she's a woman with needs and issues maybe some of more deeper than others but still. she's a respectable woman. cheating aside. because she's told me the other time she cheated and that dude was a controlling bastard (her words)

now first of all some of you hit the nail right on the head. she has some interpersonal issues. the more i know her the more i understand she's had it tough both family and relationship wise. she was deeply in love with one man and he ended up cheating on her with his ex. i dunno if she ever really got over that. then again if she doesn't tell i don't ask.

second her parents.. yeah they're divorced not even sure if she still talks to her bio father. her step dad. isn't even married to her mom and she still calls him "step dad" he pretty much verbally abuses her mom nightly. and now her mom is sleeping in the basement on a air mattress. YIKES. but we're all human and sometimes we get delt a heavy hand.

third. the age gap.. i'm 31 about to be 32 and she turned 23 in september.

I have offered to take the high road. i said listen i can tell what we got going on is causing you stress. i said obviously this sorta snuck up on us and before we knew it here we are emotionally involved and can't do anything about it. so i offered to leave and BE GONE. i'm leaving this job site anyway in about 2 months time. so it would have been an easy exit strategy. i wanted to be the one to end if if she couldn't.

she doesn't want that. and this is the part she never wanted to happen. she says i've never clicked with somebody like you and honestly when i met my current guy i never thought in a million years that somebody else could sweep me off my feet. She hates people, doesn't really make friends easy either. both men and women. so she hardly has any close friends. on either side.

I'm willing to friendzone MYSELF with this one because honestly she is a really cool girl, she's funny, sexy, cute, she makes me laugh and that is hard to do.

but it doesn't seem like she wants me to place her there. and i don't really want to either. there's so much grey around her.

When she pleaded me to stay with her. she asked if i ever wanted kids. i said of course. and she's like would you even feel the same about me if i was single and you met me. i said i dunno its hard to say but yes probably. she's like if i left him for you and you got bored with me i'd be devastated. and i dunno if i can handle that because i like you so much.

i think this one is at least worth keeping around. i'm ok with putting myself in the friendzone. but not if me just being around her is causing her to second guess herself everytime. the last thing i want is to see more tears run down her face because of me.

i dunno. i'm neutral. its weird because i feel like i can let her go so easy but don't want to? I never text her first she always text's me. never call her. i mean she does almost 90% of the work here. What do you say now?

IF YOU FEEL like you can let her go but cant then you are attached, makes sense ya? Now what i think is she wants to be married to this guy for stability but still will miss the attention of other guys. She is 23, not 40, thats quite young for married now a days.

Shes using you for attention, that kiss was to keep you hooked. I would drop her like a bad habbit and delete her number and never talk to her again. I know she may be "cool" and you "clicked" but seriously think with logic. It makes no sense to remain friends with a married girl who you have feelings for.

Pointless IMO.

 

[cfdagola]

IF YOU FEEL like you can let her go but cant then you are attached, makes sense ya? Now what i think is she wants to be married to this guy for stability but still will miss the attention of other guys. She is 23, not 40, thats quite young for married now a days.

Shes using you for attention, that kiss was to keep you hooked. I would drop her like a bad habbit and delete her number and never talk to her again. I know she may be "cool" and you "clicked" but seriously think with logic. It makes no sense to remain friends with a married girl who you have feelings for.

Pointless IMO.

i suppose the way our dynamic took shape was the fun flirty mystery friendship.

i guess if that dynamic changed a lot of those qualities that i liked would be muted or vanish all together.

you may be right. you're probably right. i'm not even mad about it though because its something i've been thinking about SINCE the kiss was to drop her.

i just think back to the last LTR i had. i was best friends with this girl for 6 years. then she confessed having loved me for the last 3 years and it was a car accident that put her in the hospital that made her realize she didn't want to go another day without telling me. she just never told me for fear i didn't feel the same and would leave. and me and this engaged girl have the exact same dynamic right now.

only difference there was we were younger, and there was no ring even for other men she dated during our friendship period.

 

[Don_Dom]

Respectable woman who cheats? Huh? The cheating is what makes her a slvt. Forget bout everything else....the fact that SHE IS MARRIED is all you need yo know.

You are obviously deluded by female attention. Evidenced by your pedistalization of a BAD PERSON sucking you into enabling her BAD BEHAVIOR. It happens go the best of us, especially with the hot ones, ones that are out of our league, ones that are younger than we can ususlly pull, etc. And with the damaged ones that still manage to push our buttons in the right way its easy to be Captain Save-A-Ho. Been there bro.

But this is one of those cases where you need to GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY and look st the stark reality of the situation. Listen to and heed the advice being given. This isn't some special case that we aren't getting and are being harsh out of lack of class. You are just high on pu$$y and it's clouding your judgement.

Run from this. Quickly and with finality. She is, literally, someone else's problem. It is neither appropriate or healthy for you to deal with her. Billions of women on the planet, there are plenty out there who will do the same things for you that aren't damaged and married.

 

[cfdagola]

Respectable woman who cheats? Huh? The cheating is what makes her a slvt. Forget bout everything else....the fact that SHE IS MARRIED is all you need yo know.

You are obviously deluded by female attention. Evidenced by your pedistalization of a BAD PERSON sucking you into enabling her BAD BEHAVIOR. It happens go the best of us, especially with the hot ones, ones that are out of our league, ones that are younger than we can ususlly pull, etc. And with the damaged ones that still manage to push our buttons in the right way its easy to be Captain Save-A-Ho. Been there bro.

But this is one of those cases where you need to GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY and look st the stark reality of the situation. Listen to and heed the advice being given. This isn't some special case that we aren't getting and are being harsh out of lack of class. You are just high on pu$$y and it's clouding your judgement.

Run from this. Quickly and with finality. She is, literally, someone else's problem. It is neither appropriate or healthy for you to deal with her. Billions of women on the planet, there are plenty out there who will do the same things for you that aren't damaged and married.

not putting her on a pedestal dude. but you're right i am trying to be captain save a ho. i see her as this damaged little frail thing when she knows in her mind what she's doing.

i get this undertone to her that she's done this before. of course she probably omitting that and giving me just enough of her "tainted" past that i accept certain things and ignore others.

here's what i'm going to do and i may catch flak.. i'll place her on the back burner and just keep on keeping on. i'm moving off site soon. and contact with her will be only limited to when we actually meet. i'll just assign another tech to maintain the site. so anytime there's an issue they'll call the next in line and not me. (new office building with networking servers that the company i work for maintains in case anybody was wondering why i keep saying "site") i've been contemplating this steadily since last week. when we kissed.

if that happens or doesn't its whatever. but at least when i'm bored i can hit a female up go out and have another piece of social proof to chill with and have some good times with in the downtimes i do have.

and you gotta admit there's nothing wrong with that as long as i retain my objectivity and actually seek out other women.

thanks for your tough love though.

 

[donking]

If you're having probs with a chick you haven't even f'ed, what's the point.

When in doubt, be a man. Either f her or get off the pot.

 

[cfdagola]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=211343

You will become the dude here...the other guy. Listen this will end badly for you. Either she will go back to her fiancé but if she is with you...what makes you think she won't do the same to you. The girl is BPD she has abandonment issues since she can't be with you since she's engaged , if she is with you then she will eventually dump you . Bpds cry like this since this reminds them of childhood trauma when they were abandoned. Search for BPD on this site and read it all.

If you get with her the honeymoon phase will be amazing but after it will be hell on earth. Don't believe me ....go ahead ...


My advice is don't walk away....RUN

Mikey2012 i don't know if you're still active but I wanted to bump this thread. because i'm in the middle of trying to get over this very girl you told me to run from.

you predicted and called out her BPD nature. yes she used to cut herself in fact she threatened at one point that she was going to do it again which kept me in the loop because i didn't want her to hurt herself.

we had many fallouts and reconciliations since the time i posted this.

all culminating to EXACTLY how you predicted. she went back to the fiance.

For so much time i always thought that most of the sosuave community were just some jaded bitter men. That didn't know what they were talking about. But it really just shocked me when i referenced back just looking through my older post in reflection and i totally forgot i even posted this.

WOW dude. honestly bravo and I will never second guess the sosusave community there are dudes in here that know exactly what's going on with certain types of women. I could have saved myself so much heartache if i would have just listened to you.

this is me saying you were right and i was wrong. and yes this is a necro thread. but for good reason. LIVE AND LEARN. thank you for trying to make me see the problems in front of me when i had blinders on. I will never second guess advice like this again.

 

[mangotot]

Be honest with her and tell her you can't get involved with her. Because she is involved with another man. From that point onwards take the steps to drop the friendship. Get the fu*k away from this girl.

 

[El Payaso]

Mikey2012 i don't know if you're still active but I wanted to bump this thread. because i'm in the middle of trying to get over this very girl you told me to run from.

you predicted and called out her BPD nature. yes she used to cut herself in fact she threatened at one point that she was going to do it again which kept me in the loop because i didn't want her to hurt herself.

we had many fallouts and reconciliations since the time i posted this.

all culminating to EXACTLY how you predicted. she went back to the fiance.

For so much time i always thought that most of the sosuave community were just some jaded bitter men. That didn't know what they were talking about. But it really just shocked me when i referenced back just looking through my older post in reflection and i totally forgot i even posted this.

WOW dude. honestly bravo and I will never second guess the sosusave community there are dudes in here that know exactly what's going on with certain types of women. I could have saved myself so much heartache if i would have just listened to you.

this is me saying you were right and i was wrong. and yes this is a necro thread. but for good reason. LIVE AND LEARN. thank you for trying to make me see the problems in front of me when i had blinders on. I will never second guess advice like this again.

Yup. I'd rather be jaded and bitter than to be a blind, naive fool.

 

[VladPatton]

Well there you have it. Some guys here may be nuts, but some have gone through the type of girl you're posting about and recognize the situation, the signs, and can predict the outcome very well. Pretty amazing. Kudos for coming back and admitting your mistakes.

Don't get blinded by the pvssy, fellas.