She changed her mind??

[Spiter]

So I've been flirting with a girl at work for awhile now, lots of friendly conversation/joking, hanging out in our spare time, and I finally ask her if she wants to go out one night during the week when we both won't be working. She smiles and agrees and gives me her phone number and bam, i'm in right? She even said I'm the first guy to ever ask her to dinner, which i thought was cool.

So we had agreed I'd call her the night before we were going to go out after 8 oclock. So I do, and the line is busy. I try a couple times and the line is busy, so i try again every half an hour until 10pm. I thought maybe she has some family members that like to use the phone or something. Well I hit a royal flush on my hand poker thing that i barely ever play and say damn, must be time for one last call.

It rings, she picks up, we talk for a little bit and I ask her if she still wants to go out tomorrow. "No" I can only figure her phone was off the hook for the past 2 hours. I don't like pushing so I don't even ask why not. She says maybe some other time, and I tell her to let me know if she ever wants to still go out.

So that's it? The ball's in her court now? I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't really interested in this girl. She's 18 years old and has a 3 year old baby. Everything seemed there, the interest and attraction. I can only imagine she's scared of being hurt again and thinks she'd be better off alone. She's told me she doesn't want to get married and guys are dumb and whatnot, but I don't believe that can be completely true for any girl. Is there any smooth way to proceed? I don't want to look desperate, and I don't want my chances with her to end that easily.

Thanks for any advice,
Matt

 

[Big Pappy]

Matt,

There could be any number of things that kept her phone busy.

First, avoid macking on girls you work with. However, since you started, you may as well finish.

When you asked her out, how exactly did you ask her?

And, never leave the ball in her court. Girls are horrible at returning service unless they are very interested. At this stage, she gave you a number because she didn't want things awkward at work. Forget about her, and find a girl prettier than she is, so she can think about what a great guy you must be.

 

[Spiter]

Yeah, I kinda was hesitant because we do work together, but it is at a pretty big grocery store, maybe 100+ employees total, and we only see each other maybe 5-10 hours a week.

I like your advice though, thanks. It even seems to have worked for me in the past. There have been probably two other times when I'd have the same friendly relationship going with two different girls and I wouldn't be interested in one but she would definitely be interested in more than just friends.

When I asked her out it was probably the smoothest out of any other time I've done it. It was my lunch break and I decided I'd help her cleaning the shelves in the store all friendly like. We talked for like 30 or 40 minutes about whatever, and got to know some more stuff about each other. She even said she misses me during the week, and asked me if I missed her too! "Yes, I miss you and carmen and steve and blah blah because I like it when i get to work with you guys" Anyway, my lunch was coming to a close and i wasn't going to get another chance so I asked what days she's working during the next week and she said wed,thur, fri nights. "I'll never get to see you!"-me "I know, I'm going to miss you"-her "How about Monday or Tuesday we go out to eat?"-me "(smile) Are you serious? No guy's asked me out to dinner before" "Yeah, how about Tuesday, have you ever been to Frederick's? It's a really nice place...blah blah. You can even bring your daughter if you want" "Ok, call me, here's my phone #" Even as she was leaving work she asked me if I was really serious, and I said of course. And she said, "ok, call me! bye"

Anyway, for whoever read all that....there were no indications of hesitation by her, maybe she was a slight bit nervous but barely at all, and she seemed overall excited that I asked her.

Anyway, I'm going to go hang out with my grandpa. Later everyone.

 

[xblitz44x]

It sounds to me like she is definitely interested in you. It really doesn't have much to do with how you asked her, or what you said exactly. You did just fine with that. There could be quite a few reaons why she's changed her mind. You won't know because you haven't asked her yet though.

Maybe it has to do with the kid, maybe she doesn't want it to be awkward at work, maybe she is dating somebody else. It's nothing that you did or didn't do 'correctly'. Just relax and let things unfold. I am pretty sure that something will come out of this if you have patience. If she continues to flirt you can tell her 'hey you had your chance, you turned it down'...and just say 'hey what made you change your mind anyway, out of curiousity?" But play it from there. Don't pressure her no matter what you do.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

forget her

 

[Spiter]

Well I thought I might give you guys an update cuz it was a good night.

We didn't see each other all week because of different schedules, except for tonight as I was leaving work. Nothing had changed though, no awkwardness. She smiled when she saw me and we talked for a minute. She kept begging me not to go =) but well, a man's just gotta go sometimes.

I returned to the store at 8:30 tonight to pick up some necessities; ice cream and toiletries. (I really just wanted to talk to her for a little bit because I hardly get to see her otherwise). She takes my cart out to my car for me which is killer (they make us take the carts out to cars at our store, unless the customer insists not to). So everything is back to how it was a week ago, smooth conversation/joking, no awkward moments. Then she returns service! She keeps asking when I'm going to go running with her and I said whenever she wants and she insisted on a day and time =) She told me to call her again and told me she wouldn't change her mind again. "Why did you change your mind before?" "I don't know"

Maybe I'll find out one day, but for now I'm happy. I kinda regret I didn't ask her to go running first instead of dinner, because my guess is the idea made her too nervous to go through with it. She does stretch herself pretty thin between work/track/school/and having a baby, so I can imagine the thought of a boyfriend in her life might be too much.

Later mis amigos (oh ya, she's hispanic so I've been catching up on my spanish ;-)