She can't accept that she's adopted. How to console her?

[boyfriend143]

My girlfriend just found out that her dad isn’t her real dad. Her biological mom cheated on her adoptive father and left her in his care. According to her dad’s journal, her mom just up and left when she was barely a year old. She confirmed this with her maternal aunt and grandmother to which they didn't deny. They said that her mom wasn’t the best wife, nor was she the best mother. I understand that this is hard for her to accept especially with the recent passing of her adoptive father.

She says she feels like a different person, someone she doesn’t even know. She’s very grateful for all that her dad did, but a part of her still wants answers. Why did her mom leave? Who is her real father? Her whole life, she was deprived of the truth. The recent changes makes her feel like a foreign individual in the home that she grew up in. How do I console my gf? I want to be there for her but I don’t know how.

 

[Ranger]

You can’t really. Accept this fact. Every day when you go outside, 20% of the people you see? Their father is not who they think it is.
She will have to deal with it on her own. Coming to the realization that your world, or the one you believed in, was a complete lie is not an easy task to overcome. There are men all over this site who know what that means.

 

[highSpeed]

My girlfriend just found out that her dad isn’t her real dad. Her biological mom cheated on her adoptive father and left her in his care. According to her dad’s journal, her mom just up and left when she was barely a year old. She confirmed this with her maternal aunt and grandmother to which they didn't deny. They said that her mom wasn’t the best wife, nor was she the best mother. I understand that this is hard for her to accept especially with the recent passing of her adoptive father.

She says she feels like a different person, someone she doesn’t even know. She’s very grateful for all that her dad did, but a part of her still wants answers. Why did her mom leave? Who is her real father? Her whole life, she was deprived of the truth. The recent changes makes her feel like a foreign individual in the home that she grew up in. How do I console my gf? I want to be there for her but I don’t know how.

That's a tough one. Her dad was most likely trying to shield her from some ugly truths that really wouldn't help her on life's path, even if she knew them. Perhaps it's easier for her to accept as an adult rather than a child. Perhaps he doesn't even know all the answers. How can you ask the man, you know, the logical one who stuck around, how to explain the illogical one who left?

For you, I suppose your role is to simply listen for the most part. These types of situations really don't have good answers. Maybe the dad doesn't even know where "mom" is. I can't imagine he spent a lot of time trying to track her down, more likely good riddance in his mind. So unless she's willing to accept that at some point, she may very well either not end up with the answers she wants or that she may get no answers. Terrible situation for you unfortunately, because you have to count on her to rationalize bad or no answers.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

**** her into oblivion. Be a strong male role model. Lead. Let her follow.

Run a tight ship. Zero tolerance policy for ****ery.

 

[glass half full]

Let her know everyone has a purpose, and that her consequences of her fate are not her fault, nor does it matter in the long run.
Many people lose someone in their life, she's likely better off not dealing directly with all the bad stuff. In a way she is more free than experiencing the average family that bickers and quarrels often.

 

[sosousage]

HAHA ! women like to exxagerate, ignore it


'she says she doesnt know who she is' XDDDDDDDDD is this movie

 

[Spaz]

Troll post

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP is now relegated to our "Naughty Ninja" catch-all status.

Banned.

 

[Fruitbat]

OP is now relegated to our "Naughty Ninja" catch-all status.

Banned.

Why? Have I missed something?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Yes.