she canceled date by text I sent back 'ok' then she called me sulky

[big weezy]

I met this HB off the internet, we got physical no sex (fingered her) she texts me next day asking if I got back ok, I said 'yes and i had a great time yesterday look forward to seeing you again soon.x' her: 'I had a great time too we should do it again soon. X' Next day I text her to meet up thurs or fri evening, I bring dinner and dessert she wears something sexy for me. She says can't do thurs but fri should be fine. Then I say I'll text her the exact time on fri. She says ok. Then 40 mins later she texts me saying 'I forgot that I have a gym class on fri evening and I must go, already missed one this week' (this didn't explicitly say she was flaking or cancelling) I said ok I was thinking coming round after 8 will u be done by then? She said yes and to come round then.

Next day she flakes and cancels in advance 'hey I have to cancel tomorrow have to go see my mom x' I just text back 'ok' and she calls me out texting me saying I'm sulky: 'don't be sulky..my mom has a tumor and I think she takes priority' What should I have sent back after? (I didn't know she had a tumor she never told me! Not on the date not after)

I made mistake of supplicating explaining myself in my next text after etc. (I usually put x's at end of my texts that's why she called me out for being sulky) To me I'm annoyed she didn't counter offer a time. That's what I subtely called her out on my next texts.

Anyway at the end of it she says something along the lines of she can't make plans as it depends on the outcome of her moms hospital appointment today. To me that seems BS as in she could say 'next week' as a counter offer.

 

[big weezy]

I texted her this morning asking how her mom was 'how is your mom? X' (I told her in her last text to let me know how she is today, she said 'ok thanks will do x')

She didn't respond. I think she's a headcase, I suspected a pre meditated flake when she said she had to go gym class even tho she didn't explicity say she was flaking it was in back of my mind.

Then turns it on me for saying 'ok' like I'm suppose to know her mom is ill etc.

Is this just a HB turning it into my fault cos she's out seeing some other guy and needed to turn the blame for cancelling on me for not being sensitive to her needs rather than her guilt seeing another guy?

I could be wrong but if she hadnt text me about the gym class I wouldn't be suspicious about all this. Surely if she was interested still she could offer another day/time.

I duno how she loses interest in 40mins, maybe she felt she has me then the feelings disappeared. Must be a crazy HB. She usually texts me after 10mins, now ignoring me. F her. I'm not gona meet up with her if she comes back.

 

[big weezy]

Ok she text me now saying her mom is ok has another appointment later this year and has to go for a scan then 'how is your day going?'

Ie same as BS 'how are you?' Texts, wondering if you're still interested.

I'm not making a suggestion to meet up or the time. Just tell her that's good news etc and leave it at that.

 

[big weezy]

So I text her: excellent, that's good news. She'll prob need an MRI scan to make sure it's not serious, I've had those before. X

Half hour later she comes back with: so we'll def have to meet up some time next week if u free. X

She's fishing for validation and that I'm still interested without actually offering me a specific day/time. What would you guys respond with?

I don't want to be like yeah yeah def super excited giving validation, maybe need to be more coy and make it she needs to make it up to me somehow.

 

[big weezy]

Should I make it harder for her cos she flaked ie say I'm pretty busy next week, I'll let you know.

I know this is a fishing for validation message and if I give it, she'll have her confirmation.

Should I say something about her letting me know the day(s) and I'll let her know if I can make it?

Like: 'let me know the day(s) and I'll let you know if I can and the time. I expect something super sexy to make it up to me. X

 

[Cremasta]

Half hour later she comes back with: so we'll def have to meet up some time next week if u free. X

She's fishing for validation and that I'm still interested without actually offering me a specific day/time. What would you guys respond with?

I would just write "Ok"

If you'd been dating for 6 months or so, then I could understand her maybe standing you up for a gym class. But to just cancel a second date? That's a pretty serious lack of interest there (I know she ended up cancelling to go see her mom, but her original thought was to bump you on a Friday night to go to the gym).

 

[Iceberg]

Should I make it harder for her cos she flaked ie say I'm pretty busy next week, I'll let you know.

I know this is a fishing for validation message and if I give it, she'll have her confirmation.

Should I say something about her letting me know the day(s) and I'll let her know if I can make it?

Like: 'let me know the day(s) and I'll let you know if I can and the time. I expect something super sexy to make it up to me. X

You do realize that you've posted about this girl like 10 times in an hour, right?

I know she let you finger her, and all. But if that's all it takes to make you obsessive, then you should just eject from this girl right now. Because she's already got you.

 

[big weezy]

You're right, I was thinking of sending that too but given the problems it caused me last time I wasn't sure.

I just sent: 'tell me what day and i'll tell you if i can make it and the time. I expect something super sexy waiting for me in return to make it up to me.. x'

But I didn't put a wink or a smile in it, so I prob show bitterness.

Ok. X might have been better cos she'll wonder if I really mean ok, me saying to tell her to tell me a day and I'll let her know if I can make it is too tit for tat, and fact that I told her to make it up to me but not in a jokey way is likely to backfire.

She's emotionally affected me and was seeking validation. I don't know what train of thought she is in.

Cancelling on me after 40mins of agreeing and being excited 'ok x' after I said I said I'd let her know the exact time on fri is pretty quick plummet of interest. Like bipolar. Literally 45mins before she was agreeing and excited then pre empts the cancellation with going gym but not actually saying it.

I won't contact her next week. If she doesn't then I'll try once more week after. State time and place, anything other than a yes I'll next and delete.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Weezy - R-E-L-A-X! Damn bro, your trippin' way too hard over some chick you barely know.

1) It was fine to text the next day, however you projected a little too much interest with the whole "I bring dinner & you wear something sexy" bit. Women want to feel like you are a challenge. And in this case, as soon as she gave you a little taste you were hypnotized.

In the future, its fine if you want to contact/text/whatever a girl the day after you hook up, but don't immediately suggest getting together & don't even mention the "wear something sexy" part. - They like to wonder, you are taking the wonder/challenge out of the equation too quickly.

2) With that being said, when you want to get together with a girl and you make the effort to contact her, have a set plan in mind. None of this, I'll text you X days from now and let you know where & when. - In a girl's mind that is pretty much equal to NOT having plans & increases the chances of her flaking.


3) Everything she did after was simply her way of figuring out what type of man you are. Will you panic and go super AFC? Will you punish her indirectly by withdrawing your attention? Or will you stay consistent & not change no matter what she throws at you?

This chick isn't a head-case, she's simply a woman with options who is doing exactly what YOU should be doing to her; spreading her attention out evenly.

Lastly, she wasn't fishing for validation by suggesting that you two get together next week. She is giving you the option to go take what you want.

Your right in thinking that you shouldn't just go jumping thru a hoop and running back to her so fast. However, understand what I'm about to say:

There's always a game being played, you just don't want to overtly announce or let her know that.

Actions always get thru to women much more effectively than words ever will.

So how should you have responded to that?

HB: We should get together sometime next week.

U: Yeah we should.

Then just go ghost on her for a day or two. - that will get her hamster spinning & then when you do text her early next week, shoot the breeze with her, don't ask her to hang out right off the bat. Judge her buying temperature. If she's complying & showing high interest, suggest getting together and cut out the "wear something sexy" cheesy stuff. And if she has interest, you won't be getting any gym or mom excuses.


Bottom line: Learn how to be a challenge, not so eager and you will get what you want.








PIMP

 

[big weezy]

You do realize that you've posted about this girl like 10 times in an hour, right?

I know she let you finger her, and all. But if that's all it takes to make you obsessive, then you should just eject from this girl right now. Because she's already got you.

Yes it's only to give an update of what's happening exactly cos I don't wanna wait hours before I reply, I like the arrangement of her texting me after 10mins and vice versa.

She's my only option so I know I need to look for more, which I'll be doing but at the same time I can't be easy going and let go of this disrespect. I'll apply the 2 strikes rule and anymore flaking it's no contact I'm done. Too much BS from girls in the past I'm not gona take anymore and walk away.

I just want to know what I 'should' have said or done so I learn from this and do different next time.

 

[VladPatton]

You're obsessive over this girl due to lack of options and extreme desire to make it work with her for no apparent reason. Stop immediately, delete her phone and emails, and move on with your life or you will spiral into a deeper obsession.

 

[Iceberg]

Yes it's only to give an update of what's happening exactly cos I don't wanna wait hours before I reply, I like the arrangement of her texting me after 10mins and vice versa.

She's my only option so I know I need to look for more, which I'll be doing but at the same time I can't be easy going and let go of this disrespect. I'll apply the 2 strikes rule and anymore flaking it's no contact I'm done. Too much BS from girls in the past I'm not gona take anymore and walk away.

I just want to know what I 'should' have said or done so I learn from this and do different next time.

Let go of what disrespect? It's not that big of a deal.

The whole "I think my mother takes precedent over our date" thing would have turned me off. Really, at that point I would have just cut contact anyway....dont need to be arguing with girls that I barely even know.

But still, I think you're making a bigger deal out of this than needs to be made. She made the offer to catch up next week. All you gotta say is, "Cool. We'll figure something out." and then be quiet for a few days. Try her one more time and if she rejects, then she rejects.

I won't contact her next week. If she doesn't then I'll try once more week after. State time and place, anything other than a yes I'll next and delete.

I don't even think that's necessary. Waiting a whole extra week to "punish" her. If you have time next week, then set something up for next week. Just don't be all eager about it.

 

[big weezy]

Weezy - R-E-L-A-X! Damn bro, your trippin' way too hard over some chick you barely know.

1) It was fine to text the next day, however you projected a little too much interest with the whole "I bring dinner & you wear something sexy" bit. Women want to feel like you are a challenge. And in this case, as soon as she gave you a little taste you were hypnotized.

In the future, its fine if you want to contact/text/whatever a girl the day after you hook up, but don't immediately suggest getting together & don't even mention the "wear something sexy" part. - They like to wonder, you are taking the wonder/challenge out of the equation too quickly.

2) With that being said, when you want to get together with a girl and you make the effort to contact her, have a set plan in mind. None of this, I'll text you X days from now and let you know where & when. - In a girl's mind that is pretty much equal to NOT having plans & increases the chances of her flaking.


3) Everything she did after was simply her way of figuring out what type of man you are. Will you panic and go super AFC? Will you punish her indirectly by withdrawing your attention? Or will you stay consistent & not change no matter what she throws at you?

This chick isn't a head-case, she's simply a woman with options who is doing exactly what YOU should be doing to her; spreading her attention out evenly.

Lastly, she wasn't fishing for validation by suggesting that you two get together next week. She is giving you the option to go take what you want.

Your right in thinking that you shouldn't just go jumping thru a hoop and running back to her so fast. However, understand what I'm about to say:

There's always a game being played, you just don't want to overtly announce or let her know that.

Actions always get thru to women much more effectively than words ever will.

So how should you have responded to that?

HB: We should get together sometime next week.

U: Yeah we should.

Then just go ghost on her for a day or two. - that will get her hamster spinning & then when you do text her early next week, shoot the breeze with her, don't ask her to hang out right off the bat. Judge her buying temperature. If she's complying & showing high interest, suggest getting together and cut out the "wear something sexy" cheesy stuff. And if she has interest, you won't be getting any gym or mom excuses.


Bottom line: Learn how to be a challenge, not so eager and you will get what you want.








PIMP

Yeah you're right, this is what I needed to hear. I wasn't sure how to go about this.

Do you think it's too late now I've sent: tell me a day and I'll tell you if I can make it and the time. I expect something super sexy to make it up to me.. X

This goes against what you wrote above but it was too late I already sent it before I read your post. It just looks like I'm keeping score and petty and trying too hard to be alpha that me spelling things out of the disrespect it's backfiring.


No response.

I think from here on I'll just not contact her till the week after. I want to meet her but not on these terms. I still feel if she had interest she wouldn't be pulling these stupid stunts.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Do you think it's too late now I've sent: tell me a day and I'll tell you if I can make it and the time. I expect something super sexy to make it up to me.. X

Right now, just chill out. Leave it alone, I wouldn't contact her until you hear back from her. Whether that's later today or 3 days from now. Its about to be a major holiday weekend. You should be finalizing your weekend plans to go out with your boys & meet new girls.

It just looks like I'm keeping score and petty and trying too hard to be alpha that me spelling things out of the disrespect it's backfiring.

1 - As Iceberg already mentioned, she didn't disrespect you, so you need to let go of that thinking.

2 - When a woman DOES disrespect you, she won't even care if you give her less/no attention unless she VALUES/RESPECTS you. - Everything your mind is telling you to do now is a) changing the way she see's you b) making her lose respect for you.

[QUOTEI think from here on I'll just not contact her till the week after. I want to meet her but not on these terms. I still feel if she had interest she wouldn't be pulling these stupid stunts.[/QUOTE]


Interest level is dynamic.

In other words, its always changing. She might be really into you, when you play it cool & have fun together.

A week later she might not be as into you for various reasons, etc; point is you have to understand that woman are fickle by nature. They do things that might not make sense, your job is to be consistent throughout it all.

When she ignores you, ignore her more.

When she sleeps in your bed & tells you she's "tired" when you try to make a move, don't call her for a few extra days.

When she throws a tantrum, act like you didn't even hear her & make your own plans.

Women will always do things that might throw you off, understanding this WILL happen prepares you to handle it correctly.

The first step in that is getting more on your plate - not just women, but things to fill up your day.









PIMP

 

[Lord Hypnos]

delete her number ASAP

you already dug your own grave with this one

 

[big weezy]

Right now, just chill out. Leave it alone, I wouldn't contact her until you hear back from her. Whether that's later today or 3 days from now. Its about to be a major holiday weekend. You should be finalizing your weekend plans to go out with your boys & meet new girls.



1 - As Iceberg already mentioned, she didn't disrespect you, so you need to let go of that thinking.

2 - When a woman DOES disrespect you, she won't even care if you give her less/no attention unless she VALUES/RESPECTS you. - Everything your mind is telling you to do now is a) changing the way she see's you b) making her lose respect for you.




Interest level is dynamic.

In other words, its always changing. She might be really into you, when you play it cool & have fun together.

A week later she might not be as into you for various reasons, etc; point is you have to understand that woman are fickle by nature. They do things that might not make sense, your job is to be consistent throughout it all.

When she ignores you, ignore her more.

When she sleeps in your bed & tells you she's "tired" when you try to make a move, don't call her for a few extra days.

When she throws a tantrum, act like you didn't even hear her & make your own plans.

Women will always do things that might throw you off, understanding this WILL happen prepares you to handle it correctly.

The first step in that is getting more on your plate - not just women, but things to fill up your day.









PIMP

Hmm i've still got a lot to learn I don't get it.

She text back 'wednesday? I still don't know what I'm meant to be making up for.. X'

I was tempted to not say and just sort it in person. But I felt I'd be letting her get away with something and she doesn't get 'it', and that cancelling with out a counter offer is acceptable.

I sent: I already said yest: not offering another time I can't do weds but can do tues at 8. X

She doesn't get it and thinks she's done nothing wrong.

Maybe I've made a mistake but I only want to meet her on my terms, not hers.

 

[Zarky]

she texts me next day asking if I got back ok, I said 'yes and i had a great time yesterday look forward to seeing you again soon.x' her: 'I had a great time too we should do it again soon. X'

ok fine.

Next day I text her to meet up thurs or fri evening, I bring dinner and dessert she wears something sexy for me.

Too much, too fast. I would have waited another day and then texted, asking if she had any free time coming up.

She says can't do thurs but fri should be fine. Then I say I'll text her the exact time on fri. She says ok.

Why would you make her wait until the day of, before knowing the exact time?

Then 40 mins later she texts me saying 'I forgot that I have a gym class on fri evening and I must go, already missed one this week' (this didn't explicitly say she was flaking or cancelling) I said ok I was thinking coming round after 8 will u be done by then?

Way too eager. Should have said, "Would another day work better for you?"

Next day she flakes and cancels in advance 'hey I have to cancel tomorrow have to go see my mom x'

Of course she cancelled, she was starting to get a sense of your growing betaness.

I just text back 'ok' and she calls me out texting me saying I'm sulky: 'don't be sulky..my mom has a tumor and I think she takes priority' What should I have sent back after? (I didn't know she had a tumor she never told me! Not on the date not after)

She was beta-chiding you. If that weren't the case you would say "Give my best wishes to your mother" and leave it at that. Since she's chiding you already, she's losing respect for you by the minute.

I made mistake of supplicating explaining myself in my next text after etc. (I usually put x's at end of my texts that's why she called me out for being sulky)

Yeah, don't put x's at the end of your texts, that's what 13 year old girls do.

To me I'm annoyed she didn't counter offer a time. That's what I subtely called her out on my next texts.

If you're having to "call out" women then you've already put yourself in a bad position.

tell me a day and I'll tell you if I can make it and the time. I expect something super sexy to make it up to me.. X

Lose the f*cking X's number one. Number two, your "demand" is not coming from a position of power. It seems creepy and awful and probably killed whatever waning interest this girl had.

We've all been there, you're probably quite young. But you were just way too eager with this one and blew her out. And then you tried a last-ditch attempt to assert some sort of dominance which fell flat and made her think you're a controlling nut.

The only thing to do is delete her number. There's a slight possibility of her getting back in touch but you should certainly not expect it.

It's interesting to see a woman's interest level drop in that palpable manner. Thanks for posting.

EDIT:

She text back 'wednesday? I still don't know what I'm meant to be making up for.. X'

If she's still communicating with you then that's a positive. But quit being so controlling and just chill out, like the people above said. Juuuuust relax. Take a day or so to return her texts. Juuuust relaaaaax.

 

[Iceberg]

She text back 'wednesday? I still don't know what I'm meant to be making up for.. X'

I was tempted to not say and just sort it in person. But I felt I'd be letting her get away with something and she doesn't get 'it', and that cancelling with out a counter offer is acceptable.

Nah, man. Honestly, I think you don't get it.

There's no rule that says this girl owes you a counteroffer just because you asked her out. The counteroffer is based off her interest level. And interest level isn't OWED to you. It's just something that exists. She wasn't interested enough to immediately arrange another date. It's whatever.

As far as us guys talking about women....canceling without a counteroffer is a negative. Again...between us guys on this forum. But you don't actually SAY that to a woman in the real world. You don't make it appear as if you're going to get all sensitive every time plans have to be canceled. You can delete her number. You can never speak to her again. But you dont VERBALIZE that you notice how she didn't make a counteroffer.

I would never say to a woman, "You canceled plans on me without making a counteroffer, so you owe me." Your goal should be to prove that this sh!t doesn't faze you. Not that you're keeping track of every little thing she does.

The funny thing is, when I read your first post where you described you as "sulky" I thought she was an a-hole. But really, sulky is just the word to describe this situation. You're pouting.

I'm not trying to crap on you, dude. But you gotta toughen up. The reality of the situation is - we're talking about a girl you met once, and you fingered her. Not your girlfriend. Not your wife. Not your FWB of a few months.

Some girl you met. Once.

She doesn't get it and thinks she's done nothing wrong.

Maybe I've made a mistake but I only want to meet her on my terms, not hers.

She hasn't done anything wrong. It would have been wrong if she canceled the plans a few minutes before the date. She did it a WHOLE DAY BEFORE.

So what's wrong about that? People can't cancel plans? People can't have more important stuff to do than dating?

I don't want to defend this girl, but I'm trying to bring us back into the realm of reality. You want to meet her on your terms, but the world doesn't work on your terms. And as much as you've been posting about her, it seems like she's the one who's holding all the cards.

 

[big weezy]

Nah, man. Honestly, I think you don't get it.

There's no rule that says this girl owes you a counteroffer just because you asked her out. The counteroffer is based off her interest level. And interest level isn't OWED to you. It's just something that exists. She wasn't interested enough to immediately arrange another date. It's whatever.

As far as us guys talking about women....canceling without a counteroffer is a negative. Again...between us guys on this forum. But you don't actually SAY that to a woman in the real world. You don't make it appear as if you're going to get all sensitive every time plans have to be canceled. You can delete her number. You can never speak to her again. But you dont VERBALIZE that you notice how she didn't make a counteroffer.

I would never say to a woman, "You canceled plans on me without making a counteroffer, so you owe me." Your goal should be to prove that this sh!t doesn't faze you. Not that you're keeping track of every little thing she does.

The funny thing is, when I read your first post where you described you as "sulky" I thought she was an a-hole. But really, sulky is just the word to describe this situation. You're pouting.

I'm not trying to crap on you, dude. But you gotta toughen up. The reality of the situation is - we're talking about a girl you met once, and you fingered her. Not your girlfriend. Not your wife. Not your FWB of a few months.

Some girl you met. Once.




She hasn't done anything wrong. It would have been wrong if she canceled the plans a few minutes before the date. She did it a WHOLE DAY BEFORE.

So what's wrong about that? People can't cancel plans? People can't have more important stuff to do than dating?

I don't want to defend this girl, but I'm trying to bring us back into the realm of reality. You want to meet her on your terms, but the world doesn't work on your terms. And as much as you've been posting about her, it seems like she's the one who's holding all the cards.

Ahh I get it now. See all this time reading stuff on here about cancelling with no counter offer was not on. And I verbalized it to her when really what everyone means is on this forum only, and a way to gauge her interest.

I always on the assumption it's disrespectful that she didn't counter offer if she was cancelling and I took that personally as I saw that as disrespect when really she doesn't owe me anything.

I guess I've f'd this up now with my last text saying what she owes me for not offering another time.

I was better off just saying I can't do weds and tues at 9 I can. End.

I'll bear this in mind in future not to verbalize game with her about what she "should' be doing.. And just read it as her low IL.

EDIT


Ok I'm fed up of her now. She's texted me: you are sounding like a bit of a diva! sorry can't do tues x

She's making it too difficult for me to arrange a meet up. I'm going no contact till she suggests a day, failing that I can't be arsed with this hassle. Shouldn't be this hard to arrange something..

 

[cordoncordon]

Ahh I get it now. See all this time reading stuff on here about cancelling with no counter offer was not on. And I verbalized it to her when really what everyone means is on this forum only, and a way to gauge her interest.

I always on the assumption it's disrespectful that she didn't counter offer if she was cancelling and I took that personally as I saw that as disrespect when really she doesn't owe me anything.

I guess I've f'd this up now with my last text saying what she owes me for not offering another time.

I was better off just saying I can't do weds and tues at 9 I can. End.

I'll bear this in mind in future not to verbalize game with her about what she "should' be doing.. And just read it as her low IL.

EDIT


Ok I'm fed up of her now. She's texted me: you are sounding like a bit of a diva! sorry can't do tues x

She's making it too difficult for me to arrange a meet up. I'm going no contact till she suggests a day, failing that I can't be arsed with this hassle. Shouldn't be this hard to arrange something..

The thing is, you are a diva. I give her credit for calling it like it is. You are not acting like a man who has a busy and fullfilling life with lots of options to choose from girl wise. Instead you are acting desperate, clingy, emo, a gameplayer, and kind of on the verge of being stalkerish to be quite honest. You still may have a chance here, but you really need to lay low for a few days. Don't contact her. Wait for her to contact you. Then don't ask her out. Don't appear desperate. Don't appear chumpish. Just ACT AS IF all is well and you are quite happy. And then maybe, MAYBE you can hang out with her again.

And for all that is holy stop putting x's at the end of every test. Are you a man or a teen girl? Just SO BAD.