She called me a "*****"

[aliasguy]

Alias, why do you care what a bar tending hor says?? I really don't understand your concern - it is foreign to me!!! Why do you care about deviants - you should care about those who are in their rightful thinking and their comments!

Joekerr, what is it that you don't understand? What I speak is plain!

Ketostix, I am not str8up's nemesis - the truth is!!! Str8up hates that which is good!

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OK, Mr. Prophet, HERE'S why I care.... a lot of people who i know hang OUT THERE. WHAT she says may matter a LOT. Maybe not, but I dunno. I don't care about HER.... I care about THEM. and she can affect them. Is that so hard to SEE?


I know you are REALLY invested in this HOR/HOMO/MATRIX concept, and I'm ok with that, but if you don't want to help me, take your stuff back to your other threads. I'm not interested in your feud with any other posters.

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[aliasguy]

Hey Alias, this is a woman talking- how much weight do we MEN give to words that fall out of a woman's mouth ? Batting ZERO dude.

In the last thirty years I have been called ( by women) , a *****, a slut, a player , aloof, a loner, a bad guy, a naughty man, and a homo ( my response to the last comment was. " I am not gay but i think that my boyfriend may be") .. Geez this is trival stuff, man. Women just say stuff to get a reaction out of you or to get your attention. WE give them way too much power when we start to worry about the implications or the fallout from the stuff that they say.
Personally, I think that she was giving you either a sly compliment or was trying to initiate a sexual connection with you (however she was drinking and so accurate interpretation is impossible.)

Ultimately, whatever she thinks or says, counts for zip...

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Ok, thanks, jophil. I'll just quit bothering myself about it.

Thanks.

Thanks everyone. I'm gonna forget about it.

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[Last Man Standing]

Lat me make this simple - no one listens to the words of a liar because they lie!! Why base your life's ambitions on a liar's words?? It doesn't matter!! Move on and live!!!

Hors are deviants and their words deviate from truth!!!

 

[Last Man Standing]

If she is telling everyone that you are a pimp then this will only increase your marketability with the hors at the bar - she is helping you and not hurting you!!

 

[Nighthawk]

She was probably flirting/negging/testing whatever. You should've said something like 'Hey, *****s do it for money, I do it because it gets tiresome turning them down all the time. I don't charge but maybe I should start.'

If you are good with women you will have to deal with jealous *****es of both sexes putting you down, just like hot women have to. Have more self-confidence, and don't give a second thought to what haters think and say. Being known as a player or even 'man-*****' will only make other women see you as desirable, whatever they say.

 

[##17]

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This bartender chick who i was obliquely flirting with dismissively called me a "wh*re" a few weeks ago. She's still real nice to me (hired guns usually ARE, though, for tips.)

I'm not overtly promiscuous, I don't talk about my conquests, I'm not a "bedpost-notcher." I don't brag about girls I "date," and i don't really screw all that many girls that she knows about anyway.

The crowd at her bar includes a bunch of folks I know and sometimes hang out with. I understand "social proof" and all, but will this hurt me if this is indeed the way I'm seen?

I'm really NOT racking up big numbers, and I really don't have all that much to brag about with regard to laying a lot of girls from her bar.


I don't know why she would think of me this way. It's not like she knows what I'm up to, anyway.


Any ideas about all this?

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The problem isnt what she called you, it's how you're taking it. I mean, read your header post to this thread: You're even qualifying yourself to us.

What you should have come back with:

"That's right--a slut sleeps with everyone, a wh0re sleeps with everyone,...., but you."

 

[joekerr31]

life is too damn short to care what people think.

in life you have to become someone YOU respect. you have to develop self respect. you have to think well of yourself.

if you do, then who cares what anyone else thinks.

and as for the folks who go to the bar, like i say, if they are so easily swayed by ONE womans comments about you, well, either there is truth to what she is saying or she's the best damn saleswoman i know.

ONE person cannot destroy your reputation.

but what can happen is one person will spread lies about you, you react defensively, then people start thinking "why is he so bothered by what she said? maybe theres some truth to it. maybe she knows something we don't. because if it wasn't true why does it bother him so much?"

its kind of the equivalent if someone called you a racist. if you aren't your reaction would be to scoff at their claims and laugh it off. if others believed their claims you'd scoff at them. people would see your reaction and think 'that guys obviously not a racist. that chic is a total b*tch for trying to get people to believe that."

basic rule i try to follow in life: the truth will come out in the wash. so conduct yourself in a way that YOU respect and don't worry about what other people 'think' they know about you.

and im speaking from experience. i've been slandered BIG time in the work force before. i even lost a job (indirectly) because of it. but you know something, six months later the person who slandered me was fired and the company was calling me back. and the whole time i took it all with a grain of salt. life isn't fair, stuff happens - but you ALWAYS have a choice in how you are going to respond to that stuff. you can either get down in the sh*t and wrestle with teh pigs, or you can rise above (even if there is a price to pay in the short term).

see, this whole caring about what other people think, this is the realm of women. this is how women think (and unfortuantely, a lot of guys think that way also).

but i can tell you this much, when i see a guy getting slandered, i'll go out of my way to pal up with him (provided i suspect hte slander is incorrect) to cover his *ss.

but then again, I believe that you gotta stand up for your fellow man when he is getting unfairly attacked. unfortunately most people (both men and women) only care about themselves.

 

[ketostix]

ONE person cannot destroy your reputation.

I disagree one person can destroy your reputation in a group of people. This is usually how it goes down and it happens all the time. The person's rep who is destroyed assumes the group's members came to an independent consensus opinion of him but in reality most likely one person in the group defamed or ran down the person and the rest were influencd by it and engaged in group think.

However, having said that, a girl saying you're a man-***** isn't reall ruining your rep. Now if she said things like, you are a loser, desperate or creepy that would.

As far as the OP's case I think the shoe doesn't fit here and it's not a case of his rep being destroyed.

I think MikeEdwards advice about infrequently visiting a venue to raise your respect was good advice. A person should have a few venues they like to hang out at so not to be seen at the same place excessively.

Alias might be worrying about nothing in this case, but the concept ties into Str8up's group dynamic thread. It's actually a very important dynamic to be able to navigate. I just haven't gotten my thoughts together on the matter yet.

 

[Phyzzle]

However, having said that, a girl saying you're a man-***** isn't reall ruining your rep. Now if she said things like, you are a loser, desperate or creepy that would.

If she's calling you a wh*re, she most likely isn't telling her friends that you're a stalker. This is good news.

"This guy, keeps stalking me! Every time I go to work, there he is!"

 

[TheFlyOne]

am i the only one confused by this? i have absolutely no clue what you just said. :crazy:

Glad to know I wasn't alone. :crazy:

 

[Charm]

I think you should talk to her again next time and you'll probably realize it was just a comment that was hollow and held little depth.

 

[aliasguy]

I think you should talk to her again next time and you'll probably realize it was just a comment that was hollow and held little depth.

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I haven't seen her since. I'll likely see her within a few months, though. I'm not bringing it up at ALL. What good would that do?

I had essentially forgotten about it 'till your post bumped it back up. The guys here helped me, and I took their advice and blew it off.



BTW, are you a girl, charm?

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[Charm]

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I haven't seen her since. I'll likely see her within a few months, though. I'm not bringing it up at ALL. What good would that do?

I had essentially forgotten about it 'till your post bumped it back up. The guys here helped me, and I took their advice and blew it off.



BTW, are you a girl, charm?

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I did not say bring it up. I said talk to her again. As in, have a conversation and you'll realize it was probably something she forgot about too.

I'm male.

 

[jonwon]

A good come back would have been:

'you wish'

With a cheaky glint in your eye.