Shaming II

[taiyuu_otoko]

In the other "Shaming Thread" there were several posts of attempts by females to shame said posters. Some suggested that shaming is simply a misdirection of accountability.

Whether or not this is true, I don't know. I think that the simple reason women use shaming tactics is because they work so well, despite whatever their intention may be behind it. I think a strategy that might be better than discussing their specific tactics and possible intentions behind them ad infinitum, would be to simply determine a way to render them ineffective. Become non-reactive, as it were. In that spirit I start this thread. What are some shaming attempts you've heard, and more importantly, what would be an appropriate response?

I'll start with some from my own experience: (shaming statement is in bold, suggested appropriate response is in normal font).

I'm not just a toy.
of course not.

We always do the same thing when we go out.
You don't like to go out?
What would you like to do?
You don't have to go out with me.

You played with my emotions!
how did you let that happen?

You have to buy me a present!
what happens if I don't?
why?

You don't want to buy a drink for me and my friend?
um, no.


any takers?

 

[sodbuster]

About the only thing I've had that stands out in my mind is my ex and her daughter complaining about the toilet seat being left up. TALKIng about my aim,letting it back down, why done't you sit down,etc. After about 10 minutes of it,I had my reply.

I don't see what the problem is, nobody around here has a butt small enough to fall in anyway

 

[Jeffst1980]

I wouldn't describe any of that as "shaming." The one about always going out and doing the same thing sounds like a legitimate gripe about a relationship, actually, and the rest are simply s#it tests.

The OP's suggested responses were generally ok, assuming that they are delivered in a gently humorous tone. However, they could stand to be a little less logical. When a woman gives you an irrational request like, "You should buy this for me," you should give an equally irrational answer. Something ****y and funny is usually enough for her to realize that you're no sucker, without having to verbally articulate it. Trying to get her to logically understand why this is a bum deal for you is a waste of time and will only give her ammunition against you.

Also, be careful about saying things like, "You don't have to go out with me" too often, which subcommunicates that you don't care if she stays with you or not. You want to strike a balance between genuinely respecting her feelings and not putting up with her crap.

The main thing is NOT TO TAKE THE BAIT AND ESCALATE INTO A SCREAMING MATCH. Too many guys do this when they feel like they're being attacked. This is NOT the way to handle conflict.

An example of a successful method to disarm someone looking to start an argument would be when a police officer remains calm and polite in the face of an angry, provoking protester that has just been arrested. By staying calm and not giving the desired aggressive response, the protester will soon have nothing to "fan the flames" and eventually accept the inevitability of being the less powerful one in the situation. The same applies to handling a woman that is trying to provoke you (hopefully without the riot gear and tasers).

Also, as I touched on before, be careful to distinguish between a s#it test and a legitimate complaint.