Shamed for not being exclusive

[Pandora]

I have run into a problem. To be honest i mostly date women who are average in looks with the occasional hottie. The average girls become enamored with me quickly and push for exclusivity. They want me to wife them up and be their boyfriend. I have no interest in becoming any girls boyfriend because i consider most relationships with girls as a net loss in quality of life. They expect you to pay for dates, and activities and all they supply is p***. My question is how do you guys avoid the exclusivity trap?

Most girls will only let you be free for so long before pushing for the "where is this going speech". If you dont get in a relationship with them they eventually call you immature, player, jerk, azzho*e and eventually leave? I dont think this is fair to guys. When men want to have a harem of "pseudo girlfriends" they are demonized. But when women have "pseudo boyfriends" aka orbiters its ok.

To clarify i am not talking about using girls as just FWB or late night booty calls. I am talking about a girl who you treat like a gf but you still have other plates that you also treat as a gf. I dont think we should be demonized for this.

 

[Bible_Belt]

i am not talking about using girls as just FWB or late night booty calls. I am talking about a girl who you treat like a gf

It sounds like you're creating the problem by leading them on. Just tell them straight-up, "Look, this is just for fun, ok?" I usually tell them I care enough about them as people to want to not hurt their feelings. I think that's a nice way of saying 'I only want your pvssy.' You'd be surprised how many women are ok with that as long as you tell them up front. Maybe they're still thinking they can change your mind, but that's not your problem.

 

[Outlaw_]

Most girls will only let you be free for so long before pushing for the "where is this going speech". If you dont get in a relationship with them they eventually call you immature, player, jerk, azzho*e and eventually leave? I dont think this is fair to guys. When men want to have a harem of "pseudo girlfriends" they are demonized. But when women have "pseudo boyfriends" aka orbiters its ok.

Not to be a d1ck...but a good question for you is why do you care about this? It's part of the game. They want to you to fall all over them & as soon as you do, they are totally turned off. They will do whatever it takes to get you to fall all over them. Then, snatch the rug from under your feet. It's not intentional...it's part of their programming.

And, that's the game, my friend.

 

[Zarky]

I lie like a cheap rug. If you can have MLTRs with all the girls knowing that you're dating other girls.... you are a legend.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

My question is how do you guys avoid the exclusivity trap?

Most girls will only let you be free for so long before pushing for the "where is this going speech". If you dont get in a relationship with them they eventually call you immature, player, jerk, azzho*e and eventually leave? I dont think this is fair to guys.

1) Unless you are clear what you want up front, girls will assume that it will lead to a relationship.

2) What you think is fair or not fair is irrelevant. If you try and con them, which they will think you're doing since you didn't specifically state you DIDN'T want a relationship, they'll think YOU are not being fair to THEM.

3) This is EASY to fix. Just screen up front. Here's how:

In the first date, say something like this:

"I've got this buddy that dates several girls at once. He doesn't want a relationship, and he's up front about it in the beginning. He is usually dating two or three girls at once, and everybody's happen since there are no expectations. He knows the girls will leave as soon as they find somebody to commit and he's OK with that."

While you are saying this, pay close attention to your facial expressions and body language. That will tell you everything you need to know. This will screen out a large majority of women.

THEN, when you get physical, explain you don't want a commitment, EVER, with anybody. This will also screen out a large majority of women.

If you screen up front, it will drastically cut down on the girls you get down with, but they'll be of much higher quality based on your subjective criteria.

If you're not willing to put in the work / effort do this, then you've no right to complain when girls complain about not being committed.

EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM that guys have with girls could be eliminated with proper screening. But most guys are too lazy and impatient to screen, and would rather complain about how horrible women are.

 

[Pandora]

It sounds like you're creating the problem by leading them on. Just tell them straight-up, "Look, this is just for fun, ok?"

Yeh thats true. I may be leading them on. Ima try that " its just for fun line". I guess you just have to be up front up from day one.

 

[Pandora]

1) Unless you are clear what you want up front, girls will assume that it will lead to a relationship.
[/B]

Its funny that we dont get the same luxury. If you as a guy assume that all women that date you want a relationship you would be sorely mistaken. When they want to continue to play the field its ok, but when you want to continue then you are leading them on.

 

[Pandora]

They want to you to fall all over them & as soon as you do, they are totally turned off.

Lol this is the irony of the situation.

 

[Pandora]

When women pressure for relationships they are just following their programming, same as you wanting to stay single and spread the seed. Remember, women want a long term partner like a guy wants sex.

You are right. I should not blame them for following their natural imperative. What do you think of guys that seek a long term partner and shun the idea of spreading their seed?

 

[Pandora]

I lie like a cheap rug. If you can have MLTRs with all the girls knowing that you're dating other girls.... you are a legend.

So you dont have any moral problem with lying to these females? Can you be angry if they lie to you?

 

[Outlaw_]

Lol this is the irony of the situation.

That's why it's your job to stay the course!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Pandora,
Aah yes the exclusivity and comittment hurdle...perhaps a certain amount of disingenuity is required...When? very much Governed by Scarras fifth law of negation by Delay...in mathematical terms...x=(L+n) all to power of m..then all divided by 3p...which of course equals d or denial...Where X=delay,L=likely number of years left to person proposing change,n=number of extraneous issues brought into discussion,m=IDC=time lapse between first proposal and final solution,p=age of procrastinator...You may believe it will be a good while!

 

[mrRuckus]

So you dont have any moral problem with lying to these females? Can you be angry if they lie to you?

1. No.

2. Yes, because I think we men need to just give over this idea of playing fair. They don't play fair, and attempting to do so is purposely putting yourself at a disadvantage. In dating, they clearly don't actually want there to be equal ground, demonstrated by such things as you having to initiate date requests and usually paying. Therefore, you are not obligated to avoid any sort of hypocrisy since there's been an implicit agreement that double standards are fine.

If they aren't your family or they aren't your bros, then you should be putting yourself first and foremost with little apology. It's not ideal for society, but in this age anything else is hamstringing yourself unecessarily and you are playing by rules everyone else isn't.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Exclusivity is a natural urge in women. Variety is a natural urge in men. Therein lies the explanation of the double standard. Women don't see it as a compromise to have sex with just one man, whereas from a male view, that is the huge compromise that goes with a relationship.

 

[Huffman]

It sounds like you're creating the problem by leading them on. Just tell them straight-up, "Look, this is just for fun, ok?" I usually tell them I care enough about them as people to want to not hurt their feelings. I think that's a nice way of saying 'I only want your pvssy.' You'd be surprised how many women are ok with that as long as you tell them up front. Maybe they're still thinking they can change your mind, but that's not your problem.

Dammit, I never had one be ok with that. Do you think they are really OK? Or that they are just deluding themselves, hoping you'll come around? Leading to even greater tragedy?

Man, I always feel like I have to deceive girls to get sex. Maybe it's something about me, but I never get those horny b!tches who will seek me out purely for sex.

Also being in a LTR would be ok for me, but all the girls I have sex with seem to be not good enough. Truth be told, to this day I haven't been in a single LONG relationship because I always bail early.

P.S. yay for 1000 posts! Sosuave gave me all I wanted back then (sex), and now I'm still not happy. Huh.

 

[Zarky]

So you dont have any moral problem with lying to these females? Can you be angry if they lie to you?

I "can" do whatever I want. Since I make my own moral rules (while at the same time trying to avoid being put in jail by society's moral rules), double-standards are the name of the game

I guess in short, I don't believe in morality, I believe in practicality. I usually keep this to myself because, if I tell people, they get upset because they're less able to control my behavior.

I've gotten visibly angry when chicks lied to me, but that was usually an effort to punish them so they don't do it again. I don't assume that people "should" behave in any specific way. I assume that everyone will do what's in their own selfish best-interest and I don't really take offense when they do, even when it's to my detriment. I just try to avoid putting myself in a position where someone acting in their own selfish interest is so opposed to my interests that it would hurt me badly if they did so.

 

[Pandora]

Exclusivity is a natural urge in women. Variety is a natural urge in men. Therein lies the explanation of the double standard. Women don't see it as a compromise to have sex with just one man, whereas from a male view, that is the huge compromise that goes with a relationship.

Very well said. Even though this is the truth women will argue against this tooth and nail. When i explain this to them in conversations they never ever except it.