Shall I contact her?

[atree]

Right, I'm gonna read the books & stuff so apologies if this is basic stuff and explained there (I read a few things a while back but, anyway...).

I've gone on a couple of dates with a girl (the first was blind), both made deliberately short by her and during the daytime, nothing happened but we seem to get on really well, there was some chemistry, she is hot but she seems to be a little bit undecided about a third date. She is genuinely busy but she texted me she can't meet this week or the weekend (but asks me how I am and makes a little chit-chat). Is it best to...

1. not to respond and contact her next week?
2. stay in contact, build my status by text
3. call her in a couple of days & build my status & rapport
4. try to plan something for next week already?

My incentive here is not just to get laid, what I want is another date and to see what she's like some more, get to know her (maybe it would help my goal of getting to know her if we slept together so maybe I should think about that more seriously!)

 

[backseatjuan]

Dude, she said she is busy this week. Call her next Wednesday, the 30th, and make plans for an evening date. Tell her to accept only if she can devote to a date more than an hour. And before now and the 30th don't contact her at all.

What are you going to do between now and the 30th? Besides not contacting her and not thinking about her? Make another date with someone else. Can you pull that off? How about 2 dates?

 

[atree]

Good advice backseat, next week I'll call. The dates were 2hrs then 3 1/2 hours so not tiny (I'd walk away if the third was only to be an hour!) She asked me how I am and then said she's busy today & the rest of the week, I feel I need to respond. Do you think it's bad form just to say a jokey 'sure,don't work too hard' kind of response and leave it at that?

(the other dates, I'll make a separate post later on or do some reading about that; I think I have a problem and it is definitely my main barrier for progression into the don juan hall of fame)

 

[Greasy Pig]

She's rejected you and then tried to make out that she's not an evil, soul sucking succubus by asking you how you were. She's trying to draw you into the Friend Zone.
Just reply: "Don't work too hard, see ya."
This should get her hamster running a damned marathon.

"Does he mean goodbye forever or just today? That's a weird response and he didn't take my beta bait of acting like a nice girl to him and asking how he was. What's he up to?"
Then next week hit her up for an evening date.

And do what backseat said. Spin more plates.

 

[atree]

Thanks Greasy Pig. That's good, I like the idea of keeping things uncertain, short and not playing ball with her (she didn't with me). I'll let you know how I get on next week and if I manage to find any old dusty plates in the meantime.

The annoying thing is the first date went really well (puppy dog eyes after an hour) and the second was bad and I (that's a capital I) messed up, I lost my head, started to get excited, self-depreciation comedy (she did laugh though), was indecisive and couldn't think of somewhere cosy and quiet to sit and drink afterwards which ruined any mood. Need to get to know a few places in town and have a plan for 'what next' on the date.

 

[playa99]

Be decisive, she has deliberately cut the date short, I would move on to the next woman, it looks like she is trying to drag you into the friend zone my man! I wouldn't contact her and if she does come back to arrange something with you THAT'S HIGH INTEREST and see what you want to do from there and trust you'd gut! Do not try to build your status by text, that = friend zone, texting should be just for getting you a date! Nothing more

 

[JohnChops]

I say ask her our later when she isn't busy don't jump to conclusions just yet. Backseatjuan had it right so far.

 

[atree]

@Espi Thanks, I like this 'treat her the same' thing, it makes a lot of sense. And yes, the advice of nexting her 'if' is helping not get too caught up on her (there is nothing to get caught up on just yet)

@JohnChops & yes, not jumping to conclusions is good, she's still a possibility and she could well just be busy so I'll simply find out next week and in the meantime look for others.

I think I've got some work to do in general (one itus, obsessiveness etc etc) but I'm gonna get through it!