Snow-thanks for the advice, I will cherish it well.
Results from today~
So I had it all planned out this morning when I woke up. Go to school, practice, go to Target, practice. I had mixed results today and chickened out too many times. I did not talk to any girls or sets, so anything I write below is for my own future reference on human interaction. Feel free to skip this post or read on.
School~
Got to class like 10 seconds late and they've already started the morning announcements. So, as they did the pledge of allegiance...I just slipped in the door and calmly do it along with everyone else. Piece of cake
During my
classes, I had a ton of opportunities to just fluff talk with everyone, but I decided against it and thought that class isn't the right place to be doing this and I should just pay attention to the lectures...mistake, yea. I don't remember the conversations I heard, but there were many times where I could've chimed in and offer my comments. In one of my classes though, we had a group project going on with 4-5 people per group. The last 2 days I was taking a high school exit exam, so everyone had basically chosen their group members and what-not. At first I just sat there and stared around, looking for potential open groups, but there was none visible. Here's how things went down after realizing this:
Me: Hey, did everyone choose their groups yet?
SomeGuySittingToTheBackOfMe: Yea, I think so. (gets up and leave)
[I look around some more and spot a group with only 4 members. There's 2 girls and 2 guys in the group. I'll classify them as G1, G2, B1, B2 (G=girl and B=boy...idk if I should rate girls right now, but I do know that rating guys would be completely weird) The 2 girls look like they're both Hispanic and the 2 guys are Korean]
Me: Hey, do you guys only have 4 people in your group?
G1: Well, we had 5 people, but one is moving.
Me: Cool, can I join your group then?
G1: Sure.
[Now I am pumped up and willing to lead this group to glory! I get started right away with asking what they've planned so far and other things about the project. After seeing that they didn't get really far, I decided to completely take things over and carry on with bossing them. As I was triumphantly dictating these kids, I noticed G1 is paying attention tentatively, G2 was not participating at all in our group discussion and just stares off at the ceiling or floor, B1 is completely off in la-la land, and B2 is trying to crack jokes, but I can't hear him at all since he speaks so low. I'm guessing they're not comfortable at all with me leading this project at this point, but I ignore it and continue on. After awhile I decided to have each person work on different aspects of the project. I told G1+G2 to work together on this part, I'll work on that part, but then I forgot to assign something to B1+B2...mistake, yea. So here I am working with my assignment while the G1 is doing her part with G2 just watching and the guys just talking Korean with each other (I kinda hate this~I have some Korean friends and they would always converse in Korean no matter if I'm there...I can't build up a convo with this!!!). Well, the girls finally started wondering what the Korean guys are doing and glance over to see nothing. I tried to salvage this with initiating questions about the project, but in the end I found that the girls have stopped working and the guys don't care...]
So, what did I learn from all this? We are a group, so that means we have to ALL work together in ONE group. I just segregated everyone amongst themselves so I had no control (even with my confident voice, eye contact, dictatorship). In order to have control over an entire group, I'm assuming you need to communicate with every member of the group and have them communicating with each other as well so that no one feels left out. I will try this next class and the next time I approach a set to see how this works entirely.
As far as the rest of the school day, I did end up having this girl (that knows me, but we barely talk and...well it's a long story) ask me about some classwork. The convo:
Her: Hey Shaik, did you finish the questions from blah blah blah.
Me: Oh yea, why? Do you need them?
Her: Oh no. I was just wondering if I have to answer all the questions since some of the questions are repeated.
Me: Oh, no you don't have to. *little pause* But you can if you want to *smile*
[She smiles and turns away, back to her lil' packet. I was thinking about keeping the conversation going, but one of her friends interrupted this. (I know, I could've kept it going no matter that)]
After school, I did get to go to target like I had planned. I bought what I wanted there (you know, the bare necessities), but I didn't approach anyone. There was one woman who bumped into me while I was checking out this one aisle. I'll just assume that she didn't notice me there (she was singing, which I think it means that she feels comfortable doing it since she suspects no one to be around).
On the walk home, I just acted as if I had scored a few sets--stayed positive. Maybe it was self-reassurance of still being able to be a someone that made me do this, but I had fun and didn't care too much about it. I whistled, I rapped, I sang. Only thing is that I didn't do this too loud. Still feeling a bit insecure and still caring what others think...mistake, yea. I did see a girl from my school on the way home though, but I didn't notice until she passed by me.
It's getting late and I'm tired, so let me complete this later *falls asleep*
