Sexually Insecure...

[A-Man2151]

I've been friends with this girl for about 2 years now, but about a month ago now, we started being more than friends. She's very attractive...the reason we were friends when we first met was because we had both just come off other relationships, so I guess it took awhile for us to click as more than friends.

Anyways, she's a bit insecure because she's been hurt a few times by guys in her life. She chose not to have sex with her ex-boyfriends...I'm not entirely sure why, but I'm not gonna bring it up, and because of her insecurity about the topic, she would probably freak out anyways, so I'm steering clear.

We still express ourselves sexually though, she's all for that. In fact, she's all about doing things for me. Whenever I try to return the favor, by fingering her for instance, I can tell she really enjoys it, but ALWAYS asks me to stop just when I can tell she's really starting to enjoy it. I don't understand! I'm a pretty chill person, I would never force anything, but I want her to enjoy things, because she's always doing stuff for me.

I'm hoping in time she opens up more, but how should I go about doing things for her? Should I not even try unless she asks? Would she ever ask? Am I supposed to keep trying until one day she lets me get her off? I don't want to annoy her by attempting to please her every time only to get rejected. I'm confused.

 

[Ease]

She chose not to have sex with her ex-boyfriends...I'm not entirely sure why

Wtf does 'choosing' not to have sex mean?

I dont want to sound like a rapist, but how can a woman 'choose' not to have sex in a relationship?

I have no problem going slow, but how can you genuinely let your girlfriend dictate the pace and direction of your sex life? Its all pure bs, to be honest. Does she honestly expect you to ask for permission before you touch her? What gives her that power? It might be her body, but she's your girlfriend.

It's obvious that deep down she would love it if you pinned her down and said 'im gona **** the **** out of you', but she has the guy whipped thinking that she's the boss because she has had some bs past experience that she's feeding him? While the chump is thinking about her feelings and taking time to make her comfortable, that same girl would **** Tiger Woods if he walked up to her in 2 hours and do anything to be his sex slave.

I dont blame you, i blame this idea that girls get they have some sort of superior right. Sex is one of the main (obviously the main) reasons you are in a relationship with her, and she thinks she can deny you it?

The reason for this is because the guy is being a chump. A real girl going out with a real man would gladly give it up to please him. She would please him so that he doesnt leave her. She would do the dirtiest things and have the best time.

Count yourself lucky that you aren't of this girls 'ex boyfriends'. Stop putting up with this pure BS. Do you think she would feed 50 Cent that kind of bs story about her past if he invited her up to his hotel room that night? Stop being scared of annoying her, getting rejected. She should be scared of losing you.

If she isnt giving it to you, you need to be getting it elsewhere.

This is a straight up common case of *****-whipping. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N36Q7naLqmM
Say Hell Naw and deal with it like a man.

 

[horaholic]

I can tell she really enjoys it, but ALWAYS asks me to stop just when I can tell she's really starting to enjoy it.

If you decide to stay with her, you need to take the lead. Do you just stop because she ASKS you to? Next time, dont stop (Unless of course she says 'no' and really means it, obviously). Try plowing through it nicely, but firmly.

Find out WHY she has these hangups. There is a possibility that she's a squirter, and is really embarrassed about it. I've encountered them before. That, you can work with , as long as you're willing to deal with it. Thats a personal choice of yours. If there are issues of rape or molestation, thats a whole other ball game.

Is she claiming to be a virgin?

PS. This here:

I'm not entirely sure why, but I'm not gonna bring it up, and because of her insecurity about the topic, she would probably freak out anyways, so I'm steering clear.

This is where you need to MAN up. You need to bring it up and out in the open. It sounds like you're insecure about telling her how you feel about stuff. You cant have a relationship if you're afraid to communicate. As the man, its YOUR job to get her to open up about this stuff no matter what. Dont be afraid of her reactions!

Also, dont be afraid to tell her that the reason her other Bf's bailed out on her is because they weren't getting any. She wont be logical enough to understand that, but at least you give it to her straight.

If you want to bring out the woman in her, you need to show her how a REAL man acts.

 

[DanelMadr]

Man, fingering is not such fun for a girl. And she can get sore pretty quick if she is not wet, which I assume she is not...when she bails out.
For girls it is even less about "rubbing this for x minutes" it is more complex for them...you need to dial many dials right way and lots of them are just in her head. She needs to FEEL connection, emotion and relaxation. Basically you need to take the responsibility by leading. (It does not mean raping your way through).
And of course they get off on you dominating them cause of their submissive desires.

However there can be some deeper issues than your/her inability to achieve the right state of mind. Listen to what Horaholic said.

Or there are no issues and she is just too superficial or frigid.

Take the lead, be gentle but firm, eat her to orgasm make her horny, tell her she is your girl and that she makes you hot, compliment her body (some girls just don't want to get naked cause of the fat or whatever) and sensually fakk her...don't speak much. If she gaves lotta resistance...stop...and don't get on some hurt ego trip.

 

[Hakuna]

Make her feel sexual. You can convince girls that THEY are the ones who want to have sex / be physical rather than you. Make her feel good about her body and herself and reward her when she does things for you.

 

[kingsam]

We still express ourselves sexually though, she's all for that. In fact, she's all about doing things for me. Whenever I try to return the favor, by fingering her for instance, I can tell she really enjoys it, but ALWAYS asks me to stop just when I can tell she's really starting to enjoy it. I don't understand! I'm a pretty chill person, I would never force anything, but I want her to enjoy things, because she's always doing stuff for me.

meh....your being too nice - its only LAST MINUTE RESISTANCE - look it up.... unless its a obvious "NO" or "STOP"...... then its just LMR
(the difference betwen LMR and a real "no" is obvious unless you are a complete retard*)

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Man, fingering is not such fun for a girl.

SORE?? what are you doing fisting them...!??

And she can get sore pretty quick if she is not wet,

(obv you get then horny and wet before hand...)
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There is a possibility that she's a squirter, and is really embarrassed about it. I've encountered them before..

squirting makes you feel like the DADDY when it happens !

i had a girl keep poping to the bathroom once (the only thing i can think it was coz she was gonna squirt but was embarrised - which id realsied at the time)

it is a slightly "advanced" topic and some people will be totally freaked out by so it you need to be tactful, maybe talk about "has she ever got sooo wet that...blar blar blar"... then drop the bit about squirting in..?

 

[A-Man2151]

In response so your guys mentioning how it is BS that she dictates when sex should occur...I agree. But the thing is, when were going at it or whatever, she will occasionally throw out a comment like 'Man, you make it so hard not to have sex with you'. She has also mentioned that she eventually wants to do it, but 'not for awhile'.

It's almost like she has it programmed in her head that a certain time period has to pass, and certain checkpoints have to be met before we have sex. I have mentioned that we shouldn't make a schedule, and should just let whatever happens happen when it feels right.

As for your advice horaholic about being a man and getting her to open up...I have thought about that, but also have learned from this site that the guy isn't supposed to be the one leading all the emotional conversations and made to be seen like a sap by saying things like 'It's OK baby, you can tell me anything, I'm here for you'. Isn't that true?

 

[L B]

As for your advice horaholic about being a man and getting her to open up...I have thought about that, but also have learned from this site that the guy isn't supposed to be the one leading all the emotional conversations and made to be seen like a sap by saying things like 'It's OK baby, you can tell me anything, I'm here for you'. Isn't that true?

There are no iron rules here. There are certain guidelines to certain general situation. It is up to you as to how and what to apply to you specific situation. Only through trial and error do you know what works or you and what doesn't. If you approach it in a p***y way, of course she will see you as a p***y.

To be honest, if she doesn't put out soon, you need to get another lady. Man and woman without sex = guy guy friendship (gay). I've learn that life is too short to wait 10 years for a women to put out.

 

[DanelMadr]

SORE?? what are you doing fisting them...!??


(obv you get then horny and wet before hand...)
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I was assuming he gives her fingering without oral, that would be bad. HJ does not equal Fingerbang. And you don't want to finger only...that's weak.

squirting makes you feel like the DADDY when it happens !

i had a girl keep poping to the bathroom once (the only thing i can think it was coz she was gonna squirt but was embarrised - which id realsied at the time)

it is a slightly "advanced" topic and some people will be totally freaked out by so it you need to be tactful, maybe talk about "has she ever got sooo wet that...blar blar blar"... then drop the bit about squirting in..?

Let her have a p!ss before sex = no squirting. You guys know it is a p!ss, right?

 

[kingsam]

Let her have a p!ss before sex = no squirting. You guys know it is a p!ss, right?

oh dear oh dear

http://www.the-****oris.com/f_html/female_ejaculation.htm

All women have a functional prostate gland, about the size of their thumb, that surrounds their urethra. Just like the male prostate, it produces fluid, beginning at puberty. Within the prostate gland there can be an area of increased sensitivity, more commonly referred to as the G-Spot. The G-Spot is located somewhere along the length of the urethra. When the prostate gland is stimulated, many women experience female ejaculation, and a distinctive type of orgasm, a vaginal orgasm, one that is different from that experienced during ****oral stimulation alone. Some women ***, as in ejaculate, during sexual arousal, prior to orgasm, even without G-Spot stimulation. There is muscle tissue that surrounds the prostate gland that contracts during orgasm, potentially expelling its contents. There is some debate about the origin of all the fluid that is released during female ejaculation, as the prostate gland itself is relatively small, yet some women release up to two cups of liquid. Nevertheless, the liquid released during female ejaculation is not the same as urine. The best way to stimulate the G-Spot is through rhythmic massage with fingers, a penis, or dildo. It may take practice to locate and connect with the G-Spot, and to learn how to experience vaginal orgasms that are accompanied by female ejaculation. G-Spot and vaginal orgasms aren't nearly as common as ****oral orgasms, some women always experience them, others never.

 

[DanelMadr]

oh dear oh dear

http://www.the-****oris.com/f_html/female_ejaculation.htm

All women have a functional prostate gland, about the size of their thumb, that surrounds their urethra. Just like the male prostate, it produces fluid, beginning at puberty. Within the prostate gland there can be an area of increased sensitivity, more commonly referred to as the G-Spot. The G-Spot is located somewhere along the length of the urethra. When the prostate gland is stimulated, many women experience female ejaculation, and a distinctive type of orgasm, a vaginal orgasm, one that is different from that experienced during ****oral stimulation alone. Some women ***, as in ejaculate, during sexual arousal, prior to orgasm, even without G-Spot stimulation. There is muscle tissue that surrounds the prostate gland that contracts during orgasm, potentially expelling its contents. There is some debate about the origin of all the fluid that is released during female ejaculation, as the prostate gland itself is relatively small, yet some women release up to two cups of liquid. Nevertheless, the liquid released during female ejaculation is not the same as urine. The best way to stimulate the G-Spot is through rhythmic massage with fingers, a penis, or dildo. It may take practice to locate and connect with the G-Spot, and to learn how to experience vaginal orgasms that are accompanied by female ejaculation. G-Spot and vaginal orgasms aren't nearly as common as ****oral orgasms, some women always experience them, others never.

I've known a girl who got really wet and maybe she would push some of that wetness out thanks to orgasm contractions. By out I mean like 2 mm of drops.

Also I've known couple of girls who lost bladder control during orgasm. being aware of that they urinated before intercourse and excused themselves during one if it lasted longer. They told me the reason for it. They had full bladder.

Squirting is porn movie BS, when girls with bladders ready to burst just let loose and you get like 2m squirt of urine as opposed to 2mm dribble of love juice. Not that it is not fun if you both enjoy some water sports but I'll pass on that.

P.S.
When she squirts brown pudding don't taste it....she just lost control of her guts.

take it easy

 

[AmIAFC]

I don't understand most of you:

Each party has the power to ultimately decide when sex happens. So that includes the woman. If she doesn't want to **** you, that's her right. If she says no sex until so-and-so date, that's her right. She's not attempting to control you; she's exercising control of something that intimately and directly involves her personal physical self.

What you control is how you respond to that exercise of power. You can either take it like a chump or move on to greener pastures. But if your girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with you or is imposing restrictions, there isn't much you can do about it outside of leaving with some dignity or boosting your sex appeal in her eyes.