sexual relationships

[pacentrani]

So, I met this girl at a party a few weeks ago and went back with her to her place...We made out the whole night but didn't have sex. I told her that I was really only looking to have fun and never said I was looking for a relationship..We've hung out a few times since and started having sex.

I thought it was turning into a casual sex type relationship but now I think that she really likes me a lot more now. She has started inviting me on trips with her and says things which indicate that she considers me more than a sex partner.

I'm not looking for any relationship right now beyond just physical/casual. I'm not particularly good with those types of relationships and am wondering what I should do now.

Should I just be firm with her and end it? I don't really want to be too harsh with her. I don't really know exactly what she thinks about all this and in the end I would like to be friends with her...but I'm not sure what to say.

Any advice?

 

[joekerr31]

yep. you're dealing with a female afc. didn't think they existed? think again.

just like a male afc will let a woman treat him like dirt in hopes that she will choose him as a result. there are women out there who will spread their legs in hopes that it will make you like them more.

you've got one of those on your hands.

most quality women won't sleep with you if they aren't looking for something more than sex.

and women who are sleeping with you for just sex, trust me, they make it obvious - ie. no cuddling or sweet talk afterwards.

not much you can do if a girl wants things to be more than they are. it eventually leads to an emotional eruption - either her yelling at you or her breaking down crying.

that said, treat her like an adult. tell her that you aren't looking for a serious relationship. if shes fine with that, then carry on. if shes not, she'll go to rip your head off - at which point you can say "Look, your an adult. i didn't force you to do anything or mislead you. its not MY fault you didn't tell me that you were looking for something more."

J

 

[Mike24ct]

You should be straight with her and tell her the truth. I had this happen to me twice. Here is how it went:

1. Started out as FB (friends with benefits).
2. Had great casual sex.
3. Girl started to develop feelings for me.
4. Girl then considered me her boyfriend, for all practical purposes.
5. I started to feel guilty about having sex with her, because I felt I was leading her on.
6. I was completely honest and told her that while I'm attracted to her and care about her as person, I wasn't in love and didn't have romantic feelings for her.
7. The girl, though disapointed, took it rather well.
8. We don't hook up anymore, but we are still very good friends to this day.

Even if does hurt her to hear the truth, she will respect you for being straight with her.


Mike

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by Mike24ct
You should be straight with her and tell her the truth. I had this happen to me twice. Here is how it went:

1. Started out as FB (friends with benefits).
2. Had great casual sex.
3. Girl started to develop feelings for me.
4. Girl then considered me her boyfriend, for all practical purposes.
5. I started to feel guilty about having sex with her, because I felt I was leading her on.
6. I was completely honest and told her that while I'm attracted to her and care about her as person, I wasn't in love and didn't have romantic feelings for her.
7. The girl, though disapointed, took it rather well.
8. We don't hook up anymore, but we are still very good friends to this day.

Even if does hurt her to hear the truth, she will respect you for being straight with her.


Mike

Let's be serious here... when does telling the truth ever get you anywhere?

Does telling a girl you like her, make her want you more? Does telling a girl she looks smokin hot, make her more interested in you? Does telling a girl your true intentions with her ever make a relationship better?

The answer is "NO". Telling the truth gets you nowhere in life.

Why not dangle the carrot in front of this broad and keep her wanting more of you? Call her whenever you feel like it and guide the relationship in anyway you want. You have all the power in this relationship. Feel free to flat-out lie to this chick so that she thinks she's in a relationship that's going somewhere. Women really want emotional attachment, so do the little things that keep her happy even if you don't give a sh*t about her. Keep dating other women until you don't need her anymore.

It's blunt and honest but, think about yourself instead of how this girl feels. YOU come first.

 

[pacentrani]

You should be straight with her and tell her the truth. I had this happen to me twice. Here is how it went:

1. Started out as FB (friends with benefits).
2. Had great casual sex.
3. Girl started to develop feelings for me.
4. Girl then considered me her boyfriend, for all practical purposes.
5. I started to feel guilty about having sex with her, because I felt I was leading her on.
6. I was completely honest and told her that while I'm attracted to her and care about her as person, I wasn't in love and didn't have romantic feelings for her.
7. The girl, though disapointed, took it rather well.
8. We don't hook up anymore, but we are still very good friends to this day.

Even if does hurt her to hear the truth, she will respect you for being straight with her.

Telling the truth gets you nowhere in life.

Why not dangle the carrot in front of this broad and keep her wanting more of you? Call her whenever you feel like it and guide the relationship in anyway you want. You have all the power in this relationship. Feel free to flat-out lie to this chick so that she thinks she's in a relationship that's going somewhere. Women really want emotional attachment, so do the little things that keep her happy even if you don't give a sh*t about her. Keep dating other women until you don't need her anymore.

Well, I took the advice from the first quote because I'm a pretty straight and direct guy. I told her the truth. I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship and she basically wanted to end it right there - no friendship, no further contact. That didn't surprise me.

What did surprise me was that she had no desire to be direct and upfront about our relationship. She wanted to just go with the flow and keep it ambiguous. Basically she just wanted a lover and didn't want to define anything and wasn't looking for anything serious. The fact that I did try to be direct and to define the relationship totally blew up in my face. It made the situation awkward and took the whole mystery out of it for her. I always found her hard to read and apparently she's more into subtlety than I am.

So, I could have easily gone ahead and taken the advice from the 2nd quote because she was very open to having a lover rather than a serious relationship. I pretty much could have guided it the way I wanted.

I don't know if I believe that, though...Maybe she did want something more serious but wasn't going to admit it.

The bottom line is that I feel much more comfortable when I get things out on the table with girls. But I'm afraid that I'm overkilling relationships with directness. Maybe I need to just go with the flow more and take things as they come rather than worry about defining something. I think it depends on the girl but I'm still not good at figuring out when they want you to be direct with them and when it's best not to.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

There's nothing wrong with keeping a girl interested in you. Would you rather have a girl around to have sex with and hang out with or not have any?

I would never end a relationship like you did in your fashion. Why not keep this chicks on the line even if it is something casual with no commitment.

 

[Chrispy]

When is anyone good at any relationship? I don't think you should end it or be direct about not wanting a relationship. You might want to warm up to her and just let things happen. If you put too much pressure on yourself about relationships, that in itself will kill it. So just go with the flow and take it a date at a time.

 

[JackPrescott]

Originally posted by Mike24ct
You should be straight with her and tell her the truth. I had this happen to me twice. Here is how it went:

1. Started out as FB (friends with benefits).
2. Had great casual sex.
3. Girl started to develop feelings for me.
4. Girl then considered me her boyfriend, for all practical purposes.
5. I started to feel guilty about having sex with her, because I felt I was leading her on.
6. I was completely honest and told her that while I'm attracted to her and care about her as person, I wasn't in love and didn't have romantic feelings for her.
7. The girl, though disapointed, took it rather well.
8. We don't hook up anymore, but we are still very good friends to this day.

Even if does hurt her to hear the truth, she will respect you for being straight with her.


Mike

Hmmm. This makes me think about a close friend of mine who has a similar relationship.
1. Started out as f**k buddies, with a woman.
2. Had great casual sex w/ her, although not real often, once a week, to once in three weeks.
3. Girl developed no real feelings outside of "This is a great friend who is good in the sack with a big d**k.
4. Girl had another man, who she more or less considered a "boyfriend" and spent much of her time with him.
5. No guilt was felt by either party, as they knew it was the whole "F**k buddies" thing, where the rules are, there are no rules.
6. No real honesty was required, as her feelings were for the other guy.
7. The girl likes things as they are, he asks no questions. Neither does she, and they hook up occasionally.
8. They still sleep together, although sooner or later, the other guy is going to want exclusivity, at which point, the milk is no longer free.

My buddy knows that in this "F**k Buddies" scenario, he is basically "the other man" and not her main priority. He will continue to f**k her (On occasion) as long as she wants him in her bed, and use her for all she is worth, no feelings involved.