Sexing a female friend, might have to break my own rule

[STR8UP]

Tonight I was in the process of packing the rest of my stuff so I can move tomorrow, and I get a call from a female friend.

For anyone who remembers she is the 36(ish) AW chick who I have known for about 8 years. Went out with her a couple of times when we first met, but I didn't pursue her since I could see that she wasn't what I was looking for. Since then we have been in touch off and on, and since I broke up with my last LTR we reconnected and have become pretty good friends.

So tonight she calls me and tells me she is leaving a bar and on her way home and wants to stop by. I told her to come on over for a drink, I need a break from moving.

She arrives a few minutes later and I'm making a couple of vodkas, and she walks over and asks me "Soooo.....what is wrong with me?". I asked her what she was talking about, and I cracked a little joke about something, and she burst into tears.

It was one of those female emotional outbursts. She even admitted she didn't know what was really wrong. Obviously she just needed to vent, so I played the friend and listened.

This is the chick that I vowed never to put any effort into sexing. She's attractive, especially for her age (gotta love those Slovakian genes), but I told myself soon after I first met her that although I wouldn't rule out the thought of having sex with her, at the same time I would NEVER put any effort into doing so. I'm not really that attracted to her (mainly due to her strong attention seeking personality), but if it were a gimme, I wouldn't say "no".

So tonight she's pretty drunk and obviously emotional. It looked to me like this might be the night that she broke down and ripped my clothes off, but I know that when a woman is spewing negative emotion it isn't exactly conducive to igniting a sexual spark.

I figured it would be beneficial to both of us (especially me, hehe) if I were able to take her mind off of whatever it was that was causing her emotional distress, so whenever another topic would come up I would try to steer the convo in a different direction. A few times the topic of sex came up, so I tried to push things in that direction, but I could only manage to push it that direction for a few minutes and then it went back to other sh!t.

I have always known this chick was attracted to me. It's pretty easy to see, even from the inside looking out. Other women have even commented on it.

For some reason it seems to only be when I have had quite a few drinks, but there have been a few times when i was involved in a makeout session with this chick. Tonight when she walked in she saw me all sweaty, moving some heavy boxes, and she started giving me the stink eye, talking about how sexy it is to watch a man working like that.

She kept saying how she needs to get home, blah, blah. I told her I wanted her to stay, that I didn't mind being there for her and all.

Eventually she gets up and says she is leaving. I told her not to go, she didn't need to be getting into trouble driving. I grabbed her hand and pulled her over. She leans in and kisses me on the cheek, then on the lips, several times. Not the closed lip "we're cool with each other" kiss, but the slightly open mouth "inviting" sort of kiss, all while she's telling me how I'm one of her best friends. Okaaaaay......

This chick is a walking contradiction. I'm a stubborn SOB or I probably would have said fukk the oath I made never to try to sex her, and I would have thrown down on it by now. I have to admit she's given me a stiffy on more than one occasion.

I'm fairly sure that if I were to throw her ass down and jump on top of her that it would be in the bag. Others have even asked why we haven't had sex yet. I guess I should man up and drop the oath I made and try to fukk the hell out of her next time she makes me the slightest bit horny.

If she really "did it" for me it would be a no brainer, but i could take it or leave it, and I'm not the kind of guy who feels he needs to prove his manliness by sexing everything with two t!ts, a hole, and a heartbeat.

Problem here is that I am OBVIOUSLY curious about it. And although I know I am far from the "friend zone" with this chick, I know that when I get TOO curious I will be walking the line.

I'm supposed to call her tomorrow and she might be going out with me tomorrow night, so if we do meet up and I don't have any other prospects I might just have to lay it on the line and put this thing to bed once and for all. Best case, I get laid. Worst case, she rejects me for some reason. But I would be willing to bet that if I were to throw down on it even if she didn't accept the advance right now, she would initiate something in the future. there's just too much history of sexual tension between us for it to go down any other way.

What do you think?

 

[Metro3pilot]

I'm not the kind of guy who feels he needs to prove his manliness by sexing everything with two t!ts, a hole, and a heartbeat

you say this ...like it's a bad thing

:rockon:

 

[STR8UP]

you say this ...like it's a bad thing

:rockon:

I don't hold it against anyone who wants to add some notches to the bedpost. I personally don't have the energy or the inclination to pursue that sort of lifestyle, but there's nothing wrong with it. Sometimes I wish I did....

 

[STR8UP]

do we actually have to tell you what we think? Or do you already know and want confirmation that you didn't or aren't fvcking up?

Even my business partner thinks I'm crazy, but like I said, I'm a stubborn mofo. I met her before i found this site. Luckily I didn't see enough in her to fall for her when we met, but I will admit that I really wanted to fukk her when we first met. I just have this thing about not pursuing a woman who for whatever reason I didn't get involved with early on.

We lost touch for a long time due to girlfriends and boyfriends and whatnot, but I would bump into her at least once or twice a year and despite my apathy she eventually seemed to take more of an interest in me, especially when I would bump into her when I was with another woman. Usually she would get a bit of an attitude and later on the girl I was with would comment on how this chick was hot for me.

I really have nothing to lose.....that's why I'm reconsidering my original stance. If she isn't down for it, am I going to lose a friend? I doubt it. I am pretty confident that she sees me as a sexual being, and there is plenty of evidence to point to her attraction toward me.

Damn....I'm sitting here smelling her perfume on my shirt and it's SWEEEEEET.

That's it. It's settled. Next time the opportunity presents itself I'm throwin down. life's too short to wonder "what if?", even if it isn't that big of a deal.

 

[Last Man Standing]

There are no rules with hors - only when you are married are there "rules"!!!!

 

[joekerr31]

you didn't sex her because you know that the moment you do you are in for a boat load of drama.

you know you aren't attracted enough to think of her for relationship material, and you know that is what she likely wants from you.

and the moment you sleep with her you know shes going to be calling you all the time, sharing her feelings, etc.

basically what you want is low down nasty dirty sex with her, no strings attached. but you know that once you have sex with her its like feeding your dog table scraps - every time you eat dinner the dog is going to be harassing you for some of your food.

the fact that she is a 'friend' adds even more complexity, because you know that after you hook up, and then she starts wanting to be around you more nad more, that you'll have to tell her 'sorry, it was just a f*ck session, i need my space." at which point she'll probably get really pissed at you.

so right now you're mind, consciously or subconsciously, is weighing the benefits of f*cking this chic versus the subsequent greater involvement of her in your life and the potential destruction of your friendship.

thats my take on whats going on anyway.

 

[MacAvoy]

She arrives a few minutes later and I'm making a couple of vodkas, and she walks over and asks me "Soooo.....what is wrong with me?".

I think she was asking "How come you don't make a move on me, what's wrong with me, how come your not attracted to me?"

Then when you teased her, she changed her tune and just went into an emotional tangent.

Tap that ass, then move on.

 

[STR8UP]

all I am saying, that you and I have been here longer than most. you didn't post this looking for advice.. you posted this as confirmation that what you are doing isn't WRONG if that makes any sense.

I'm not one to tell you rather that's right or wrong.. that's for you to decide.. you are your own man.

I know it isn't wrong. I know that acting on my impulses (within reason) is part of being a man. I also know, however, that I have set certain parameters fo myself when it comes to women, and usually when I go outside of those parameters I end up in a worse situation.

In this case I don't have an emotional investment in her. She's the kind of girl who even if she says she's gonna call me or show up at one of my parties or whatever and flakes on me, I usually don't even remember. And sometimes I say I'm gonna call her and I forget, and that's really not like me even with guy friends.

So I know that even if I throw down on her and it goes south, it isn't like I'm gonna be crying about it. If anything I would have to worry about what SHE thinks if something does happen, which I will address in my next reply to JoeK.

 

[DJDamage]

Tap that ass, then move on.

He can't do that remember?? she is a "friend".

Str8up this is the fourth thread you already wrote this year regarding some issues you had with a female friends. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/search.php?searchid=549874

I don't know about you but after I came to this site, I pretty much dropped every "close platonic female friend" I had and made them into an acquaintance. I had done so because I got tired of their life filled drama and if I ain't fvcking them then they just take away my time from meeting women who want too. Simplify your life, don't make it complicated. There is no such thing as "platonic friend" that is some term women came up with. You either want to fvck her or you don't and if you don't then go and find women whom you do.

 

[STR8UP]

you didn't sex her because you know that the moment you do you are in for a boat load of drama.

This one is a tough one to judge.

On one hand, I'm pretty sure she doesn't REALLY like me. I think it's more of a basic physical attraction, nothing too strong or with her personality she would have taken initiative and acted on it by now. But her body language and the way she interacts with me you can tell there is sexual chemistry on both sides.

On the other hand though, she has made several references in the past to "when are you gonna take me on a date to xxxx" or when we are oout for a drink "is this a date?" and whatnot.

When she says stuff like that I just tell her, "Well if I do take you on a date we're gonna be having sex later....that's the way it works". To which she usually says something to the effect of "Oh no, we're not doing that". But then we're sitting at a bar talking and is rubbing my shoulders and stuff, and she turns around and says something about her bra being padded, so i stick my finger down there to check it out and she turns red and giggles. No slapping the hand away or anything like that.

you know you aren't attracted enough to think of her for relationship material, and you know that is what she likely wants from you.

Hmmmm....I dunno. It has been my experience that if a woman is THAT attracted to you in that way she will either a) Make a blatant play to make her initiative known (especially one with a strong personality like hers) or b) Will move on and check you off the list. I have never seen one stick around for years on "hope".

and the moment you sleep with her you know shes going to be calling you all the time, sharing her feelings, etc.

I do admit that thought has crossed my mind, and although she is attractive, she is already about 15 years past my age target, and she isn't getting any younger or any MORE attractive.

the fact that she is a 'friend' adds even more complexity, because you know that after you hook up, and then she starts wanting to be around you more nad more, that you'll have to tell her 'sorry, it was just a f*ck session, i need my space." at which point she'll probably get really pissed at you.

See, this one is hard to call, because she's the sex and the city "Miss Independent", toss men away at a whim kind of chick.

She's OBVIOUSLY not happy with her life to an extent, as evidenced by last night's emotional outburst, but she puts on a REAL good show most of the time. This is the FIRST time in the entire time I have known her that I have seen this side of her. It's either the "I'm the happiest chick alive" side, or the "I'm stressed and ready to quit my job" side, but never the "I'm crying my eyes out and I don't know whats wrong with me....could be the fact that I found out my recent ex fiancee had ANOTHER fiancee" side

so right now you're mind, consciously or subconsciously, is weighing the benefits of f*cking this chic versus the subsequent greater involvement of her in your life and the potential destruction of your friendship.

thats my take on whats going on anyway.

there is some truth to this, but like I said it moreso comes down to the promise I made to myself years ago. I can deal with the ramefications of a chick who gets too clingy, but if it goes down wrong after I broke my own rule it will really piss me off.

 

[STR8UP]

I think she was asking "How come you don't make a move on me, what's wrong with me, how come your not attracted to me?"

I don't think that's what she was saying last night, but it's an interesting point you bring up because the last time I saw her we were talking about someone being "gay", don't remember the exact context, but she asked me "Are you SURE you're not gay?" with just a little too much seriousness in the tone of her voice. made me wonder when she said that.

 

[STR8UP]

He can't do that remember?? she is a "friend".

Str8up this is the fourth thread you already wrote this year regarding some issues you had with a female friends. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/search.php?searchid=549874

They aren't really "issues", cause most of the time it isn't something that is causing me a "problem" per se.

I don't know about you but after I came to this site, I pretty much dropped every "close platonic female friend" I had and made them into an acquaintance.

I have said this in other threads, but I really only have ONE close platonic female friend. the rest of them there is at least a spark of sexual chemistry. And I don't have a problem with that AT ALL, because it feeds the energy with women I am truly interested in.

I can't tell you how many times i have been with a chick who rellay likes me and she makes a comment like "you have quite a fan club" or something alse alluding to the fact that she knows there are PLENTY of women around me I COULD fukk if I chose to do so.

I don't do the friend zone. Hell, I haven't been attracted to a chick enough in the past couple of years to even BE in the friend zone. there's a huge difference between hanging out with women HOPING that one day you can fukk them, and hanging out with a bunch of women who you could LIKELY fukk any time you wanted to, should you be so inclined.

I had done so because I got tired of their life filled drama and if I ain't fvcking them then they just take away my time from meeting women who want too.

Drama? Yea, a little. But I can deal with it. And the benefits FAR outwheigh the drawbacks, I assure you.

Simplify your life, don't make it complicated. There is no such thing as "platonic friend" that is some term women came up with. You either want to fvck her or you don't and if you don't then go and find women whom you do.

Was it Chris Rock who coined the term "d!ck in a glass bottle"? Well, as long as these women see me at least a little bit in a sexual light, I got the "pu$$Y in a glass bottle". In case of emergency, break glass.

Thing is, they are more valuable to me inside of the bottle. Kind of like a chick keep a guy around for attention, I keep these chicks around for social proof and an outlet to meet other women. and they are generally fun to hang out with to top it off. Win/win. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. that's what I say.

 

[joekerr31]

See, this one is hard to call, because she's the sex and the city "Miss Independent", toss men away at a whim kind of chick.

thats my point. read my post again

because she has been friends with you for so long she is not going to 'toss you away'. moreoever, given her age and her current state of mind, its obvious she's panicing.

on a subconsciously level you recognize that this approach shes making with you is about WAY more than 'let's f*ck so i can feel better." this is the 'omg, im getting old. soon my looks are going to start to go. i've put on this fake mask for the world for years now but pretty soon no one will even care about that. i've known S for a long time now. i like him. he likes me - AS A PERSON. i need to settle down, i need to get a man and a committed relationship - S could be that guy."

you would be shocked (well maybe you wouldn't) at how many women out there hit a certain age and then start thinking - ok, 15 years of dating and i've come up empty handed. maybe its time to take one of my close male friends and get the marraige, kids, etc. from them.

im telling you man, your hesitation is about a lot more than her being a friend. on a subconsciously level you realize that at this point in time, playing with this woman is like playing with fire. she wants a LOT more than just a f*ck.

if all she wanted was a f*ck she wouldn't come over and pour herself out to you. that was nothing more than creating the 'knight in shining armor' or 'save a ho' paradigm.

anyway, as always i do my bes with the info presented. so i could be wrong on all this.

but i'm telling ya, if all she wanted was sex she'd come over and mack on you until you were hot and horny and then close the deal. she came over and played the 'save a ho' card', as well as played the sexual attraction card, as well as played the 'friends' card, as well as played the 'question your sexuality' card (which is designed to make you react emotionally - think im gay? i'll show you, drop those panties honey). etc.

she is using sex merely as a bait. once you swallow the bait you'll find out what her hook is

 

[STR8UP]

Joe,

You are usually right on the money, so I'm trying my best to see the forest for the trees to make sure I'm not making a mistake if I do fukk her.

Just when I think I have women 95% figured out, another one shows me something I've never encountered, as is with this one.

Never seen a woman hold on to sexual tension for so long without having to have some sort of resolution. The window of opportunity usually slams shut within very few interactions with a woman if she has the hot for you and you don't act upon it.

Like I said, I have other female friends who I haven't fukked but have a pretty good idea that I could if I put it on my to do list (no pun intended). But this one.....man, tough to call. I guess it might be because although I don't go straight out for sex, I do play her little flirty games right back and I'm not afraid to grab her t!t when she pinches me or something.

Now you're making me have second thoughts about hooking up with her.

 

[edger]

the fact that she is a 'friend' adds even more complexity, because you know that after you hook up, and then she starts wanting to be around you more nad more, that you'll have to tell her 'sorry, it was just a f*ck session, i need my space." at which point she'll probably get really pissed at you.

I've always heard this, yet everytime I've f*cked a chic, I've never had a chic wanting to be around me more and more, or harrass me then on after. Weird. Maybe their sensing I'm not that into the intercourse, and because I'm not into it, maybe I'm not performing well, hence, not satisfying them? Cause I have told you guys once before that I'm not really into intercourse since it doesn't provide enough friction and stimulation for me. I feel like I'm f*cking air when I have intercourse, lol. I love everything else though.

 

[edger]

And Str8up, get on that! I would've been on that ages ago.

 

[joekerr31]

Now you're making me have second thoughts about hooking up with her.

by all means hook up with her. worse case scenario is you will learn something from it all.

don't be afraid to make mistakes in life. the most valuables lessons are learned FROM making mistakes. mistakes are NOT a bad thing.

now that said, sometimes its very obvious that some guys are going to make a mistake and learn nothing from it and simply end up in pain for a long time as a result - in those scenarios i urge guys to avoid the mistake.

but if you can't see the forest through the trees here, or heck, maybe i'm wrong, then dive in, see what happens and even if it is a mistake you'll gain some great insights from it.

 

[STR8UP]

by all means hook up with her. worse case scenario is you will learn something from it all.

I started thinking about this and to be honest the thought has crossed my mind in the past, but I think you could be right. Like I said, she has mentioned about "dates" numerous times in the past and I just joke with her about it or blow it off.

I think you are on to her true motivations. I'll bet she's the type who uses sex as a tool to get what she wants.

If there is a spark of sexual chemistry between us that is unexplored, the only reason she would hold on to that is because it's her ace in the hole. If she plays it with me BEFORE we go out on an official "date", that pretty much sets up the situation for this to go in the other direction (casual sex). And although I pretty much know for a fact that she isn't necessarily opposed to that, I think she is holding out on sex so she always has that card up her sleeve.

She isn't truly withholding sex of course, since I haven't taken it to the point where she could have rejected me, but we have messed around a bit and she has made comments that allude to the fact that "sex isn't happening". One night she was talking about getting in my jacuzzi, but then she said, "We better not....we would just end up making out".

I actually talked to her a couple of hours ago. she wants to come over and see my new place to give me some suggestions (nesting??). And I told her I would fix something for her at her house since she helped me out the other day. I told her that I was busy so it might be at midnite, and she said "sure".

There's a bunch of little stuff makes me think you could be right. But I'm thinking that the only way I would really be able to get her panties off is if we started dating. And I really don't care to go that direction.

 

[STR8UP]

by all means hook up with her. worse case scenario is you will learn something from it all.

I started thinking about this and to be honest the thought has crossed my mind in the past, but I think you could be right. Like I said, she has mentioned about "dates" numerous times in the past and I just joke with her about it or blow it off.

I think you are on to her true motivations. I'll bet she's the type who uses sex as a tool to get what she wants.

If there is a spark of sexual chemistry between us that is unexplored, the only reason she would hold on to that is because it's her ace in the hole. If she plays it with me BEFORE we go out on an official "date", that pretty much sets up the situation for this to go in the other direction (casual sex). And although I pretty much know for a fact that she isn't necessarily opposed to that, I think she is holding out on sex so she always has that card up her sleeve.

She isn't truly withholding sex of course, since I haven't taken it to the point where she could have rejected me, but we have messed around a bit and she has made comments that allude to the fact that sex isn't happening. One night she was talking about getting in my jacuzzi, but then she said, "We better not....we would just end up making out".

Talked to her a couple of hourrs ago and she said she wants to come over and see my new place to give me some decorating suggestions. she also brought up the fact that I promised to help her fix something at her house (she helped me out last week) and i told her that I was busy so it mught have to be at midnite, to which she replied "okay".

Plenty of little things lead me to believe you might be correct. But the more I think about it the more I would bet that the only way she will fukk is if we are officially dating. And that's not what I am looking for with her.

 

[joekerr31]

I think you are on to her true motivations. I'll bet she's the type who uses sex as a tool to get what she wants.

hehe...ummmm.... this is 99.9% of the women out there.

as for her coming over and offering decorating ideas and you going over and fixing things for her ... HELLO.... earth to str8up she is totally framing the two of you in the couples paradigm - she's casting you as the strong male able to fix problems and her as the cutesy female who adds color and spice to life.

any time a woman starts offering me 'advice' on decorating, clothes, etc. - watch out - she's moving in to the significant other space.

i know, it definitely seems like im over blowing a simple event such as decorating, but 'adding a womans touch' to your life is one of the most blatant signs of interest in a relationship.