Settle down or stay single? [The official thread]

[Heretolearn]

Putting this out to discussion, why would anyone ever 'settle down' into a relationship past the honeymoon period? What are the disadvantages in just going from honeymoon period to honeymoon period and so on?


*say if a person male or female could do that


** you could argue a risk is that they end up with nothing but the same risk applies in a long term relationship

*** Why is this not the modern model of relationships?

 

[Friendly Otter]

Because if you don't settle down, there are no children and no future. And that's why you have the instinct to settle down, and raise your offspring together with your wife.

I submit that such a question is only possible in today's West, as in the rest of the world Duty still comes before Pleasure, like it once did here in the West as well. Perhaps Spengler was right....

 

[speedo_meme]

Alot of my posts on this subject seem to get deleted because I bring in Christian principles, which back my belief in a loving relationship and a family. It's not for everyone, though. Evolutionists will argue that we are nothing but intelligent animals and we should breed like a sort of "civilized animal", aka fukking lots of women and spreading your genes everywhere. The concept of marriage and a family is rooted in religion, and I happen to adopt the Christian faith and its views toward family.

In a Christian family, you still have to have the concept of a masculine male and a feminine female that work together for it to be successful. Alot of earthly "pleasures" are also sin, and that's how I distinguish. The Bible can be interpreted many ways, especially as to what sin is, more technically about premarital sex and the like.

Of course, not everyone will agree with me, and I want to reiterate that this is MY OPINION.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

A family and marriage aren't religious inventions. They are naturally occuring phenomena because having two parents (and a strong community) are important in raising kids in a healthy (mentally and physically) way.

Taking the kids out of the equation of this, if he is just referring to relationships you have as a teenager or in your early 20s where you are not going to end up marrying the girl, its still good I think to be in a relationship for a few reasons.

When you are in a relationship you feel loved and wanted and that is a very fulfilling feeling. If you are just in a series of short term relationships or even worse, having only fvck buddies and never really getting into a proper relationship, it still leaves you with a sort of empty feeling sometimes where you know that the girls in your life don't really care that much about you and could leave at any moment. Relationships provide that sort of stability.

 

[speedo_meme]

I might've gotten a little off track with that post. Apologies, I was thinking more in terms of a family setting and not a relationship in general. However I consider the two issues linked. This sort of thinking can easily lead to Rollo T's definition of one-itis if approached in the wrong way.

 

[Thomas94305]

Why do we want to be around our friends for years? Caz.. they're our friends. Personally, I'm not up for a friend this month, and a different friend next month.

That's where all this DJ stuff comes in for me. A lot of women don't get this stuff about being a good friend with the guy. She might think she's the woman, she should be pursued, she owns the uterus bow before her, etc. Those should be next'd, we should be setting limits there. And, just like most of the men we meet will not be our friends, most of the women we meet aren't relationship material. Thus the need to avoid one-itus, talk with several women, etc.

So.. do you want to date this woman and that woman, or do you want to settle down with someone? Well, I won't settle down with her unless we can build something good together. But, if she's a quality person, then it makes sense. My choice then is dating/nailing this chick and that chick, or having something with someone that honestly adds to my life.

 

[STR8UP]

Interesting comment about staying single

The other day I was talking to a guy that does mortgages for me. He's 26 or 27, tall, decent looking, nice car, bright future, the whole nine.

So we were talking about women and he says to me' "If I keep making the kind of money I'm making I am going to stay single forever".

His comment really made me think about MY single status (that I consider to be indefinite at this point) as a 34 year old.

I got to thinking that maybe the reason a lot of guys settle down is because of the fact that they feel that if they DON'T snag up the first chick that will have them, they might not have the resources to attract one on the future.

I have known guys that were 21-22 years old who were absolutely BRAINWASHED into thinking that they need to be married ASAP. I just can't imagine anyone that age wanting to settle down, unless they really feel like their value in the mating game will decrease with time. Heh, for me it's unimaginable that anyone below the age of 30 would want to settle down.

What do you think?

 

[DJDamage]

I got to thinking that maybe the reason a lot of guys settle down is because of the fact that they feel that if they DON'T snag up the first chick that will have them, they might not have the resources to attract one on the future.

I don't think it has to do a whole lot with resources but more to do with the belief of the "one" and the belief that pvssy is scarce and if they find one they should hold on to her for dear life. Most guys are too afraid to approach and therefore attribute luck or being in the right place at the right time when they meet someone. If that is the case they can never predict when or if they will ever have sex again so they latch onto the girl (when they finally find one) like a leach.

 

[STR8UP]

I don't think it has to do a whole lot with resources but more to do with the belief of the "one" and the belief that pvssy is scarce and if they find one they should hold on to her for dear life.

For some guys that is certainly the case. But I also think that (like my friend) guys who see themselves as having a more optomistic future realize that you will have more options with women when you are in your 30's than you do in your 20's.

I never consciously thought this to myself as I was getting older and moving up. Now that I hear others making statements like this and since I have had a chance to look at my own motivations I can see that the way you see yourself financially has a bearing on what you believe you can accomplish in the mating game.

 

[dr_devious]

I think youre right. A lot of guys think theyve got to get hitched, especially low confidence guys. The guy your talkin about is probably wary of gold diggers. And your right about gettin hitched before youre 30, its stupid

 

[Bible_Belt]

Mawidge is what bwings us togewer today

I married a rich girl at age 21, and Mummy paid our rent for most of the seven-year marriage. I got student loans; she got a green card. At the time it was not an awful decision. Marriage is a lot different without kids. I think children are a much bigger commitment than marriage. We tend to think of the two concepts going together, but many people marry without having children.

If anyone is tired of working for a living, I suggest sarging your local law school. It is full of lonely, socially awkward, desperate young women who are about to graduate and get high-paying jobs that will entail rarely being home.

 

[GirlCrazy]

If anyone is tired of working for a living, I suggest sarging your local law school. It is full of lonely, socially awkward, desperate young women who are about to graduate and get high-paying jobs that will entail rarely being home.

That's funny, sad, and true all at the same time.

Also, those kind of chicas will really fall for the artist / musician / poet types, so bring that guitar!

 

[Docs]

Or, you can get papers that say "I own my stuff, you own yours before this day". The rest is split half.

Duh. Keep your car and house

 

[STR8UP]

Or, you can get papers that say "I own my stuff, you own yours before this day". The rest is split half.

Duh. Keep your car and house

What really sux is that even though you both might contribute to making money while you are together, sometimes one person brings a lot more to the table than the other, yet you still have to split it.

Even if I had a net worth of, lets say, $100,000, even if I married a chick who had a net worth of $200,000, if I were to use my knowledge to turn my $100,000 into $1mil in a couple of years, she would still be entitled to half.

Stay single!

 

[Docs]

What really sux is that even though you both might contribute to making money while you are together, sometimes one person brings a lot more to the table than the other, yet you still have to split it.

Even if I had a net worth of, lets say, $100,000, even if I married a chick who had a net worth of $200,000, if I were to use my knowledge to turn my $100,000 into $1mil in a couple of years, she would still be entitled to half.

Stay single!

Yeah, you might not have 1 mil, you'd have $600,000.
And with your knowledge....All you'd have to worry about is knocking her up!

 

[KarmaSutra]

Yeah, you might not have 1 mil, you'd have $600,000.
And with your knowledge....All you'd have to worry about is knocking her up!

Yeah 'cuz then all he'd have to worry about is the loss of his life. Shackin' up with a broke azz broad will kill a guy quicker than a bullet.

 

[zergkiller]

Settling down...

This is a great question. And it does bring in all kinds of basic concepts. For one thing, you need to understand people when they speak on this subject. For example, if someone states outright that they will never marry, then you have to factor this in when they are telling you how to seduce (or even that you should seduce)a woman. Their goals are not the same as everyone's. In all probability, they would make terrible husbands, since they could never give up "the game".

I'm not religious, since there are higher thought forms available, but many times, religeon is correct. Those who can't think on a higher plane than a game and seduction etc. end up so scarred by their history that they never reproduce. Or their families get shattered by divorce and thereby stunted.

Just look at how divorce distorts and twists relationships. There are so many theories about who's right and wrong in a relationship that they fill entire libraries. Just consider this: two people sign a contract to stay in a room for twenty minutes. After twelve minutes, one of them leaves. Who broke the contract? Marriage begins the very second the honeymoon is over.

 

[WestCoaster]

I think a family is one of the most enriching things in the world. A good, solid family is very productive personally, emotionally, and spiritually. I was lucky to be raised in a good family ... not without it's flaws or tragedies, but a very good, solid family. Being an older single guy, hell yeah I would like a family. I can't imagine dating my entire life, it gets old.

That said, the inverse is a bad, dysfunctional, negative family can be one of the most damaging things on this planet. This is why it's very important to date a lot when you're single so you find out what's good and what's not good. A bad woman will show you her flaws and bad qualities rather quickly; a good woman will also show you her qualities. But if you don't date a lot and just gravitate towards what feels good emotionally (and in your crotch), you will end up with a bad or flakey person.

I don't think people should marry before 25 unless it's a complete, 100 percent no brainer that the woman is great and you can't upgrade. That's rare.

 

[zergkiller]

"But if you don't date a lot and just gravitate towards what feels good emotionally (and in your crotch), you will end up with a bad or flakey person."

I think so too. Getting married based on "what feels good" is like driving your car using only your sense of sound.

 

[xmlenigma]

The questions to ask yourself are:

- Who am i? Whats my identity?
- What is my purpose in life?
- What makes me happy?
- What do I think makes me happy but doesnt really do so?
- What gives me complete satisfaction?
- What do I need to do to figure out my PATH in life?

...Start there.. and
- Staying a single DJ with MLTRs or FBs or STRs/LTRs may work for you
- Having a wife with kids might work for you
- Having a wife and no kids but a lot of other common stuff (travel, etc) might work for you. (I know couples that chose not to have children but travel the world etc.. enjoy each other)
.. others

- Whichever path you choose.. you've got to put time & energy into it.