Setting up dates is the hardest part! Need some advice

[duke007]

I number closed a chick last week at a nightclub after a 10 minute chat, my game wasn't outstanding but there was no resistance in giving the digits.
(Side note: Approach was easy! She was sitting bored because her friend and some dude were making out next to her)

So anyway I try to call 4 days later, and she answers but the reception is shocking (mobile phone) and all I can hear is a muffled voice and distortion. Damn the luck!

So I resort to SMS:
"Hey, this is duke from Cheers on tues. Was calling to arrange to meet up for some coffee. Whaddya say?"

And she replies:
"That would be good but I'm really busy at the moment. Can we catch up next weekend?"

Hmm, I'm wondering if the red flags are showing but NLaL quite rightly advises that no-one with low interest would suggest another time. With a voice convo I could have set a time, damn

So a few days later (don't want to appear needy) I attempt another call. This time the phone rings out. OK I'm guessing another flake but there's no point giving up so hastily.

So I SMS: "Hmm, busy now? I will be at Knox on thursday night if you'd like to join me"

But right when I'm sending I get this message:
"Sorry, I pressed the wrong button. How have you been?"

If she snubbed my call why the hell would she reply? Mixed signals. In five minutes she receives my SMS and replies with the following:

"I'll call you thursday if I can make it"

I doubt she'll call, that will never occur unless she has super high IL. So I'm unsure what to do. I want the damn date for experience.

I'm considering waiting till friday and then calling her on a snub. Felony's thread had a good tip, "You can just say 'no' i won't get mad."

But the moral of the story...never use SMS.

 

[Grey Fox]

Well I wouldn't expect anything, if she's not there thrusday don't bother calling friday.

-Grey Fox

 

[Slickster]

I love the moral of your story!

SMS and Online chatting, etc. are all a waste of time.

Cheers for figuring it out Duke. Next time just be patient till you can talk to her directly. Cuts thru all the crap.

Hope others learn from this post too.

 

[Chemistry]

What was her body language like in the club...

So she was sittin alone, she wanted to talk to someone and not look alone... was there any signals there? From what you're sayin I'm guessin not, a number isn't all it's cracked up to be.'..

You made the mistake of askin her puttin the power in her court... now you can use SMS I'm not THAT against it but you've gotta accept that it isn't the same as convo so you've gotta be THAT confident usin it... it is too easy to act AFC on all "Oh, I didn't get that txt" or "Did you get my last txt", where as with a convo you know...

Thus SMS works if you work with the assumption that girl gets ALL your txts, cos really how many txts do you not get... none basically... you tell her somethin using somethin like "Lets..." or a step down "How about..." rather than "What do you think?" or "Would you like to..."

If you're in the AFC mindset and not that confident and good at dealing with rejection then straight convo is necessary for you to get that closure and definitive answer cos normally if you're gonna do it over SMS then you're gonna look like a fool at the end of it all...

So, in future, if you drop girls a txt... if they don't get back to you, they got the txt but don't want none... simple as, so you move on and do the same or go out and grab numerous girls numbers and run the same thing on them all or the ones you've got time to run it on

I mean it's a misconception... if a girl thought you were THAT good in the club she ain't gonna give a **** if you drop a SMS on her or you call her, just use it in the right way.. you're usin it to get to see her again, on your terms...

 

[uniassign]

I think you came to the wrong conclusion dude. I think it is not you used SMS that stuffed you, rather it is your attraction during the club.

What you failed to mention was the tone of the conversation you had in the club. Was it fun? Was there tension? Did she walk away from the interaction thinking that this guy could be my next boyfriend?

If the answer is NO, and all you had was rapport building conversation without the attraction stuff mentioned above, then the chances of flakes are 95%.

Further, you were ordinary on the phone and SMS. You went straight for the kill. Now there are thoughts on this board that you have to get off the phone straight away, but I don't think that's the case.

Think about it, you did a cold approach on a girl, she doesn't know you. Assuming you had a really fun time with her, connect with her and she thinks you are the bomb.

A few days have passed and her impression of you fades a bit. You called her up, she is trying to remember who you were. She will probably flake if you do poorly on the phone. Why?

Because she thinks that you were putting up a persona in the club. you were just the club guy. She puts on a persona when she goes to the club, so she expects you to do the same.

However, if you spend a bit more time on the phone and make her laugh (THIS IS KEY!). Making her laugh will bring her back in the same emotional place as she was when she met you. Then your chances of an actual meet will increase.

Same with SMS. You really have to be BOLD on SMS. Really flirt with her on SMS

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Never sms - do not call this chick again, without her initiating contact!

 

[duke007]

Thanks for the good advice guys.

It's now thursday night and I never got that call, but I'm not the least bit upset.

It's a pity that I had to turn to SMS because I realise how ineffective it is, but I had little choice.

In our convo we had good wide rapport. Thanks to developing my listening skills over the past few months I was able to branch out into many topics, which kept her interested - she started asking me questions which I suppose is a sign of interest.

I teased her a bit, kinoed on the arm and made her laugh, which I thought was good enough for such a superficial, loud club environment. She also started hanging sh1t on her 'bummy goth pessimistic' guy-friends and I added stories of my own which probably rose me to a higher level. (I found this to be a good substitute for bragging, which is bad)

And about the club persona, I was laid back and sober and she seemed a LOT more level headed than other 'club girls' I've cold approached (sorta country girl). Therefore I don't think our meeting was perceived as fake.

Anyway, too much analysis. You're right that the phonecall is an important part of the game and even though I was confident in closing for the date I never got an adequate chance.

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