Set in your ways and resilient to change

[mahon83050]

I am 28...tall, smart and decent looking but due to many personal problems (mental problems that have shattered my self esteem) and shyness have never been in a serious relationship with a girl.

Now, I am picky though and have my standards...anyone can go out and get a hog just to call her their g/f....but that would be insecure.

However, as much as this bothers me and eats at me like a cancer....I am so used to being alone and set in my ways; it is hard to change. What I mean is, this set pattern of me being alone all the time...kind of takes away my motivation of getting a girfriend, eventhough I feel like a lonely lost soul and depressed due to lack of female companionship. I feel like getting a girlfriend will be too much of a drastic change to my lifestlye. I know this sounds kind of wierd and it is hard to explain. Does anyone else have this problem?

Most of the time I cannot help to feel sorry for myself and see myself as a victim. Deep down though, I know feeling sorry for myself does no good. And please, no comments on the number of posting I have and why am I still asking questions.

 

[DoubleA]

I feel that way sometimes.

I work six days a week. Mon thru Fri at my regular gig. All day Sat at the family biz. Sunday my only day off.

I don't have time too much time. What time I do have, I CHOOSE spend it how I want.

Someday, ,y folks will pass the biz down to me. My time will be less than what it is now. During that time, my peeps will depend on me for help financially. For them, who have been here all these years esp when my back was too the wall...I'd sacrifice my lifestyle for the next ten lifetimes if it made comfortable. For those who think they are going to waltz right in and get a piece of the pie. They're only getting out of something, what they put in as far as I'm concerned.

These emotionally retarded chicks out here aren't even on my level. I work with women. Real women, who bring home the bacon. None know of my weekend activities. even when I go out on dates, I never put that out there because it's not for them to know. Sh1t, in reality I do bring something to the table. Most of these clowns don't in reality, but get all the play. And when finished with some chick, she wants a "good guy". Love. I'm a second away from categorizing it as a foolish emotion.

So don't feel sorry for yourself, man. Don't. If you love yourself then you can love someone else. If these women out here shun you away or pass you by. Hey, it's their loss. THEIR LOSS. In the meantime, stay out of bars and clubs if that's what you're doing. I'm going to start hanging out with female coworkers at the gig.
Sometimes change takes awhile to get here. When it does, it happens in seconds.

 

[coldcoal]

The people I have known to deal with issues like the one you're going through now is that they have a lacking in proper retrospect, good benchmarks of comparison. They really didn't fully understand what it must be like to have people gravitate towards them socially. They were the ones that have to do all of the hard work and deal with the most failure. More often than not, people take the path of least resistence. Only a matter of time before remorse is eased with logic, and that's what I feel like I'm reading in this statement within the context of your full post:


Now, I am picky though and have my standards...anyone can go out and get a hog just to call her their g/f....but that would be insecure.

Now, there is nothing wrong with periodically deciding that, for a while, you just don't want a g/f. I feel that way sometimes, I think most other guys do too. There is no law of physics and nature, on the other hand, that states all men that have g/fs must not have solo time. Furthermore, there is no reason why you can't end such a smothering relationship if you feel inclinded to do so. On top of that, who really wants to date a hog? Would any DJs here raise their hand to that? And to add yet another point, many women would rather date a man that prefers solo time than a 24/7 clinger.

I don't think the issue here is about hogs. I don't think it's about how crazy or smothering or the low quality of women available. I think the issue is that you don't want to do all of the the hard work. Who would?

But there is a reward for it. It's called control. If you don't make things happen, you won't have the control to stop them.

 

[iveyleeger]

So make a small step to change. Start by talking to a few random women. Easiest are waitresses, cashiers, etc. They are not going to reject you b/c their job is customer service. For five minutes a day be a fun cool DJ.

Also join some group activities where you will forget about your self-pity. If you are not home alone you cannot get lonely and feel like a victim.

Do these two small things and you are already on your way to change.