Obliteraga
Ok, some background. so I began dating a pregnant girl (who was around 7 months at the time) for around 8 months ago.....
Red Flag Number One. A single mother. This means that give or take, she makes HORRIBLE dating choices and selections in a partner. The "rape" claim is most likely just a cover up for choosing a guy that has no suitable fathering skills.
We got along well and within a few weeks she was telling me she loved me.
And you should have asked her "what's your definition of love"? Anybody can make ill-filled statements but for real, what does "I love you" mean from a person that shows signs of not loving themselves/being unstable/being totally immature?
.....Later on, while we were talking, this girl (my girlfriend) began telling me some of her deep dark secrets. She used to do coke and smoke marijuana and participate in threesomes. She then tells me that the current guy who she says is the baby's father is most likely not the real father at all. She claims she dated a guy around 9 months ago who brutally raped her. This, she said, was who she believed the father was
Ok. So all this time, she has the guy that she KNOWS is not the father, buy and provide for a child that she KNOWS is not his? She mentions at the hospital that she HATES this guy that's NOT the father? Why does she hate him for? He's not the father of a child but clearly demonstrates better fathering skills then whomever the real father is, he showed up at the hospital....he started dishing out cash.
That shows a LACK of character in this woman. So there's another redflag, she makes bad choices in selecting dating partners and she has LOW character. She's NOT relationship material and incapable of true love. You ARE NOT in love, more in desperation and neediness.
Fast forward once again a few months. I notice she's always getting text messages from random guys.
Now, this guy she seems to be talking on the phone the most with, we'll call him Bill, seems to be the most suspicious. She takes the call in front of me the first time, and this dude apparently hears my voice and says he hates me and wants to shoot me. I ask why she continues to talk to people who openly hate someone she supposedly loves, and she says he's just a good friend. Whatever. All the calls from then on out, she takes in another room where I can't hear.
In the messages, I was informedthat this "bill" guy is head over heels for her and there's a chance that her daughter is actually his.
Red flag number three. She has NO MORALS and NO VALUES. A "good friend" is exactly that, "a good friend" NOT somebody that makes statements about shooting a partner if that partner has not demonstrated any reason to do such a thing (which shows signs of jealousy). She's actively allowing other guys to call her, sex-text her, etc., ALL while she's supposedly "dating" you. That shows that she has no values and morale, and she's not a lady. A lady wouldn't do anything like that, especially allow someone to speak that way about her partner if that partner hasn't given that "good friend" a reason to speak that way.
So let's sum up the red flags so far: she makes bad choices in partners, she has a low level of character, and she has a low level of morale.
The girl is NOT relationship material yet. She needs to GROW UP.
At this point I'm absolutely floored and my heart is broken to pieces. This girl was my first love and the one I lost my virginity to (after she pressured me). I guess at this point I have to ask what I should do.
This was one of the few girls who seemed to accept me for everything that I was. We became boyfriend and girlfriend. This was the first girlfriend I've ever had. Obviously I have no experience with this.
Yes, it's very clear you have no experience with dealing with different types of women to judge their relationship material ability. Some women you want to **** and leave, some women you can be in a relationship with (because their head is on right), and some women you just want to get away from.
This girl in particular, has a low level of character, does not comprehend a good mate OR MAN when she sees one, nor has a decent level of morale. She's too immature, stupid, sex-crazed, and is NOT ready for a serious relationship NOR being a mother at this point. I'm willing to bet she will be a HORRIBLE mother to that child and might even lose custody of it, but I don't like to wish that on anybody.
There's tons of women out there.
You usually attract what you are in some cases, and in this case I believe that's what occurred.
You were needy. You mentioned that this girl was one of the few that accepted you for everything you were. Well, there's ALOT of girls that will do that WITHOUT coming baggaged with low character, low morale, and a bad selection choice of mates. You do NOT HAVE TO SETTLE. Only needy people settle. The needy man will most likely ALWAYS attract the morally WORST in females. Why? Because like attracts like, and the needy man and the moral-less woman have one thing in common: they do not love themselves and are not mature.
Because you were so needy, you deliberately overlooked the OBVIOUS signs of what was wrong with this girl because, you didn't want to break off the "high-feeling, feely goody feelings of LOVE" you were having with her.
Love is more than a feeling. Matter of fact, love isn't a feeling at all. Love is when two mature people come together to create a mature relationship and possibly a growing family. Two immature people cannot be in love because love is FIRSTLY depended upon love of self first (maturity), if you are immature, you are not YET in the position of loving yourself.
The girl is immature and not capable of love. And you are immature and not capable of love at this point either.
You need to take some time off dating women for a couple of weeks and try to center yourself personally. Find out who you are, start to develop love and values for yourself. Start to understand that you are NOT running out of suitable women out there. If there's ANYTHING we are NOT running out of in this country, is suitable women, they are out there....but you might have to put some effort forward to identify them by having to weave through all the bull**** that pops up in the front of the crowd. I don't know, but for some reason the ****ty women always seem to line up in the front. The ****ty women always seem to be the most noticable, sometimes you have to scroll HARD to find the suitable ones, but they are there.
You don't owe her any explainations, she's incapable of having any intelligent conversations with you. The only reason you want to "talk" to her is because you are HOPING she says something to "get you back in" because you are so needy. Your neediness STILL actually wants this to work out some way. Your neediness is like a drug at this point, it has you negatively addicted to a "high feeling" of false love that is impacting your ability to reason, think, and behave rationally.
So as a result, you must treat this like a fein would treat a drug they are trying to stop using. You must TOTALLY seperate yourself from the drug and the environment it came from.
> Don't text her
> Don't call her
> Don't go around people that remind you of her
> Change your number if you have to
See this as rehab and treat it accordingly.
