"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Serious Relationship Problem

aussiegoat55

Senior Don Juan
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So it's been a while since I've posted but now I have retured because I need help that's a more complicated than "I got her #, now what?

I'm in college and have been dating this girl for 3 months, things are starting to get serious as a meaningful relationship is developing. We're spenindg a lot more time together and although it seems too quick, I'm beginning to develop a matured love for her.

The problem lies here: I am transferring from the college I currently attend to another one a long ways away. Looks like we're going to break it off at some point because long distance is tough and I may become interested in some other girls at my next college. I know for a fact it's going to have to end and also she's said a few times she's afraid of losing me. I have not told her yet and have until I'd say June, which would be the very last minute.

Questions to ask: Let her know soon I'm transferring schools and keep the relationship going until I leave, make the most of the time we have? Prepare her? Or, tell her relatively later? Not tell her until later and try not to progress the relationship, i.e. don't progress the relationship to where there are strong feelings?

I care for this girl and she cares for me, and I know by telling her I'm going to devastate her. Just how do I do it without causing the most pain? Thanks.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Purple-Haze

Senior Don Juan
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Mar 31, 2008
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Since you state you care about her and want to minimize the damage you will no doubt cause, I say, tell her ASAP. She will resent you greatly if yo prolong it.

If this was just about sex, then obviously you can tell her later than sooner. That isn't the case here.

However, be prepared for her to withdraw and not be as sexually available (if you two have gone there).
 

moto

Senior Don Juan
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Sep 10, 2007
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I agree with purple......tell her asap...just imagined if she did that to you? how would you feel?
 
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