Serious question about rape/sexual assault

[IKO69]

I have been chatting to this girl a while that I have been interested in, REALLY HOT, and I have found out she is interested in me also. The thing is I was getting to know her and while she didn't say it, she hinted she was victim of the subject line. She said she didn't want to talk about it and has never told anyone in full about it, but it was obvious. Anyway, she is a major party girl and has always been so I don't know if she is worth it. She is interesting, and as I said very very hot, but is she really worth it? I know you can't judge a book by it's cover, and not everyone is the same, but, is she most likely going to bring me down if I decide to get with her? This is serious question...I will settle as friends if it's stress free (not just with her, but any girl)

 

[Jay Jay]

Dude, just because some total and utter sh*t stain hurt her doesn't mean she's ruined or something.

Here is an idea, instead of worrying about her making you feel down try to make her fell good.

JJ

 

[IKO69]

Oh I do, believe me, which is why I think she's taken a liking to me. But it's not even so much what she went through, it's more of the fact she parties a lot and HARD. I haven't seen her ever have a successful relationship, and she's been with plenty of guys. Hell, she's all about sex, here motto is that rap song, not a player I just crush a lot.

I don't want to take advantage of her or anything like that. It's just scary cause I've never dealt with this before. She is a real cool person to talk too, but there are a lot of things she does I just don't like. I doubt she will change any of them and I don't expect her too of course

 

[Jay Jay]

Well, just party with her.

JJ

 

[Phyzzle]

Chatting with her? So you're not even dating, and she's already bringing up the fact that she's been raped? I know she's not explicitly talking about it, but a girl who even suggests such a thing to an acquaintance like you has a big time "victim mentality". She's clearly not totally over it.

It's a bad sign, but I wouldn't give up on her over this one, single bad sign. I'd keep pursuing her. See if there's anything else screwy about her.

 

[IKO69]

I'm sorry I wasn't clear in my earlier posts. Yes, we have dated a couple of times. She was asking if I was seeing anyone and it sort of went from there. We made some small talk and she hinted at her past. And truly that is not an issue per say if it's been dealt with, but I know she hasn't gotten counseling over it. She has just continued where she left off, partying lots and hard. It's sad for me to see her being taken advantage of by so many men. She claims to like it, but I think it's all an act

I also want to mention the reason why I am hesitant to get with her is because I don't want to be responsible for making things worse in the event things go sour. I would hate to do that

 

[mintxx]

"while she didn't say it, she hinted she was victim of the subject line. She said she didn't want to talk about it" - Yes, she does, and she thinks she wants to find someone she can trust.

This is going to sound wrong, but she's probably not going to deal very well with someone who treats her decently, even if that's what she consciously wants. If you want to fukk and chukk it, be aware that you're compounding what will be lifelong issues for her. If you want any possible connection to go somewhere, she'll have to have counselling. I speak from several experiences.

 

[sca_p]

If you can't be the man who'll care for her and support for her, back out now so a more competent man can do the job. She is not "damaged goods"--she's been through some traumatic stuff that she'll carry with her for the rest of her life. Don't ever expect a victim to "get over it". If you like her for her and think you can be there for her, then keep pursuing her. If you're looking for a lay and don't want to deal with her past, back out.