serious problem with my gf

[gambit21680]

i have a serious problem with my gf and how she keeps on thinking about her ex and the bad things he did to her. She almost everyday cries and worries that i will do it to her but i am there for her i hold her comfort her and tell her everything will be ok. She is a very nice girl rare thing i think and she deserves to be treated nicely not how she was treated with her ex. What he did to her i even think is really really low what he did was cheat on her with her best friend and other girls to, he would also lie to her constantly in front of her face and then when he is caught say he is sorry or deny it. He also argued with her about the stupidest things i mean the guy argued about what movie to go see. He also ignored her when he hung out with his best friend and then got mad at her bc she was not saying anything. Basically he messed her up emotionally and she even agrees that he did. I have been dating her for 7 months now and she has been going through this even her best friend is worried but still tries to help i even said to her try a physiatrist ans she said no. I do not know what else to do to help her i love her to much to leave her it would not be fair to her if i did because it is not her fault that she was treated like that and she is a really nice person and deserves to be happy and i am there to give her happiness i just have to get her over this but do not know how. Can someone help please?

 

[RedKnight04]

Whenever a girl gets emotional around me and starts crying I crack a joke about it THEN be emotional...I don't give her that side of me without being unpredictable first.

Think first what every guy will do in that situation and I don't even have to elighten you about it.

I would say...

"I'm not going to do it too you baby, I'll probably do something better like egg your car or steal your lunch money."

BAM!

That would just anwser that test with humor and you are in...If not then she is way to emotional and you have to give more leverage but not too much...I am not saying wipe her tears with tissues.

But plz boss don't forget the rule...

DON'T TALK ABOUT EX'es...its only bad feelings being thrown around her mind.
Even if she brings it up use some fluff to get around it champ!

And also remember.

You have feelings too, and you deserve happiness....not someone over emotional who has excess baggage.

Hate to put it in that manner but you are in a ***** trance so to speak.

GL

PEACE

 

[Knicknack]

RedKnight is absolutely correct. i can't believe you have been together 7 months and you still have to hear about this crap. i do not let women pour their emotions on me. sure, i'll listen for awhile and show a little interest, but when she goes overboard i tell her that i'm not one of her GFs. i tell her we have a different kind of relationship and i won't accept her drama. i do this in a nice way and most of the time she gets it.

 

[maranathaman]

If she refuses to seek professional help and there are no signs of improvement after seven months. Then YOU need to decide if you are willing to continue putting-up with her drama.
If it was me, I'd date other girls, cause if she refuses help, then
she is refusing to change. Some women thrive on Drama.

 

[thissucks003]

I noticed that you seem overly concerned with her happiness. You really should put your happiness first. If this is a relationship that is very fullfilling, you wouldn't have posted on this forum. There is only so much you can do in giving her help. It is really up to her to want to seek help.

Here is something to think about: look at how she responded to his past behavior. She still thinks about him. She looks like she still has some unresolved issues with him otherwise she wouldn't still worry about how you will treat her.

 

[b's nuts]

hmmm. this seems extremely disrespectful towards you, and extrememly selfish on her part. She was cheated on and lied to, and stayed with him - thats her problem, and she is making it yours. Its been 7 months, and have you done this to her, yet? Ask her how long you have to go out before she realizes that you aren't her ex. run away, run away.

 

[squirrels]

When working with large pieces of fragile computer hardware, to insure that they are delivered in a working state, they sometimes package them with these prominently displayed shipping indicators that say, "If this vial is red, this product has been damaged in shipping. Do not accept."

I think you know where I'm going with this.

Also given the stuff you're telling us, I could be dead-wrong, but I'd put good money on it that the way he treated her wasn't ENTIRELY his fault.

 

[maranathaman]

"If this vial is red, this product has been damaged in shipping. Do not accept."
I think you know where I'm going with this. "


Yup! She's "Damaged goods"!

 

[Crank_It_Up]

tell her to grow up... there are no guarantees when it comes to love, you take a chance every time you enter into a relationship, big F'n deal. Things won't always go your way in life, it's just the way it is.

a grown up shrugs her shoulders and moves on, a baby throws a fit... which is she?

 

[WaterTiger]

Gambit~ First of all I'd like to praise you for being supportive & reassuring her during her problems....but she's letting it go for WAY too long. 7 months is long enough! She should be over the weeping & worrying and not spending so much time on the Ex. She's YOUR girl now and she should act like it.

When I got out of a "relationship from hell" I was badly screwed up. I realized I would be no good to myself or anyone else till I got some help & worked it all out. She needs to see a therapyst, plain & simple. If she won't go then you need to consider walking away. She's using you as a crutch & not a boyfriend.

 

[dietzcoi]

Now, we have some good non-AFC advice for once on this board!!

Props to all

Gambit, you need to tell her to straighten up or you need to move on. She is using you as her emotional tampon. I think she might even still love the ex!

Do not listen to any of this BS any longer, otherwise you will just be the nice chump she found to lean on.

Learn from the replies above!

Dietzcoi