Separate Worlds?

[Luthor Rex]

I’ve been thinking about relationships recently. Something occurred to me and I’m wondering if anyone else has seen what I’m going to talk about.

It seems to me that at best men and women exist in parallel separate worlds when it comes to relationships. Overall there is very little cross over between the two people – they share sex, possessions (like a house), children and maybe some interests. But all-in-all they have little overlap in their lives.

It seems like there is no real companionship between the two people in a relationship. Of course there will always be a wall between men & women because of our natures. A man can never understand a woman’s period the way another women could and a woman would never understand erectile dysfunction the way another man could (for examples). Even with this natural wall, what I’ve observed seems to indicate that the wall goes deeper than that, to the point that a girlfriend/S.O./wife can never offer deep and understanding companionship. My personal experience would seem to confirm this, or maybe the girls I’ve dated have just been shallow or not interested in the whole of my person.

This bothers me a lot because one of the things I’ve always wanted from a woman is the kind of companionship that only comes from a deep understanding of the other person. I’ve always needed more that just a hole – I’ve needed a person to talk to and as far as my experiences have shown me, women just can’t provide that.

I’m throwing this out here as a reality check for myself. Maybe I’m being too cynical, or maybe my experiences have just biased me.

:rock:

 

[joekerr31]

dude, are you considering playing for the other team now?

just joking :rock:

actually i thought this was an excellent post and topic.

i agree with your sentiments. id argue that in today's culture its harder than ever on men and women because the traditional social identity constructs aren't there. Men don't know whats expected of them and neither do women anymore, so they can't even fall back on roles to keep the relationship going.

now, as for the lack of connection, i think its difficult for any 2 human beings to have full overlap. i mean, what you get from your buds is in part doable because you aren't banging them in the butt (hopefully). the moment you enter in to a sexual relationship it becomes a bit of a delicate balance. part of a womans sexual attraction to you is your strength - so to show her y our fears and insecurities too often is very dangerous. Women always talk about wanting men to share, but let a woman see you when you are all messed up over life and at your weakest and watch her sexual interest in you bottom out faster than enron shares.

similarly, women are much stronger than we think. and one of the quickest ways for a man to lose sexual interest in a woman is for her to become dominant over the man.

so inherently there is always a level of disconnect. the exchange for that is on a certain front there is a greater degree of connection (ie. emotional and sexual connection that you wouldn't get from a 'friend').

do i think though that you can have that 99% overlap that you are looking for? I do think its possible, but only between two highly mature people who have a 90+% overlap in their life philosophies / belief systems.

its a rare occurance, and it does happen, although i wouldn't hold out for it in life.

one of the harsh realities of life is that you are born alone, you live alone and you die alone. yes, people come and go in your life, but ultimately you walk it alone. i mean, i can't tell you how many friends who played important roles in my life at different times who i no longer have contact with.

and even with most marriages, like you say, there are always parts of yourself that will be alone, unless you find a woman who is a unbelievable match for you, where you just 'get' each other at such a deep level that you end up with that 99% overlap.

i know there are guys who will say that it can't happen, but it can, its just really rare.

and then there are guys like myself, who had it at young age (before they even know what it was) and failed to capitalize on it and lost it. (but i still hope to find it again

anyway, even if you find someone with that degree of overlap, theres always a chance they will get hit by a bus or sat on by an elephant and die. and you will carry on alone.

which is why i tell guys on here that you will never be able to truly enjoy life until you become a man that YOU respect. if you can hold your own in this world and be your own best friend, thats when life will start working out.

if found that life is much more rewarding when you dont need anything but yourself. when you have that kind of strength then you are also able to help others without expecting anything back in return. I can't tell you how many women i could have married simply because i was my own man and they knew it.

you gotta be like the roman 300 spartans! you gotta take life on and let death come when it may. you have to be STRONG in the face of all of life's struggles and to never turn to others to fight the battles for you. although in the beginning it can be hard and tough in time you build strength and experience life in ways that women and other men never will.

its like that saying. give a man a fish and he'll be full for a day. teach him to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.

learn how to go through life without that connection and you'll stand tall even when you have it.

but to answer your question simply, its extremely rare for men and women to actually understand each other. for the most part, if it weren't for the sex and making babies most men would likely have very little to do with most women. Heck, i'd argue that women would still be traded as slaves if they didn't have that hook into to men (ie. sex and being the mother of their children).

 

[Rata Blanca]

Many people have wroten about this topic and it always end up in melancholy..

 

[STR8UP]

dude, are you considering playing for the other team now?

LOL, I was going to make a similar smart a$$ comment.

i agree with your sentiments. id argue that in today's culture its harder than ever on men and women because the traditional social identity constructs aren't there.

Yea, the more our world deviates from the way men and women are BUILT to relate to each other, the harder it is to see eye to eye with the opposite sex.

the moment you enter in to a sexual relationship it becomes a bit of a delicate balance. part of a womans sexual attraction to you is your strength - so to show her y our fears and insecurities too often is very dangerous. Women always talk about wanting men to share, but let a woman see you when you are all messed up over life and at your weakest and watch her sexual interest in you bottom out faster than enron shares.

I've always thought the best way to get rid of a woman would be to turn into an emotional wreck in front of her.

its a rare occurance, and it does happen, although i wouldn't hold out for it in life.

That's what kinda sucks.

The older I get, the more I value and seek out someone who I can strike a balance with, and it's VERY hard to find that person. One or two small incompatibilities can make the difference between a good connection and a disaster waiting to happen.

one of the harsh realities of life is that you are born alone, you live alone and you die alone. yes, people come and go in your life, but ultimately you walk it alone. i mean, i can't tell you how many friends who played important roles in my life at different times who i no longer have contact with.

And you realize this more and more the older you get as you get screwed over by people who are close to you, and yes, that includes women.

i know there are guys who will say that it can't happen, but it can, its just really rare.

Thats my problem. I'm not going to settle down with anything less than what we are talking about here. And as much as people say "You will recognize it when it comes along" I'm not sure I buy that line. Even IF you feel that amazing connection in the beginning, people change. You might be marrying an amazing woman today, then one of you goes through some kind of life crisis and everything falls apart. It's almost not worth the risk.

which is why i tell guys on here that you will never be able to truly enjoy life until you become a man that YOU respect. if you can hold your own in this world and be your own best friend, thats when life will start working out.

Agree 1000%.

The entire key to happiness and well being is to make YOURSELF the person you want to be. At the end of the day, YOU are the only one who you can count on (and if you can't count on yourself you got a LONG way to go!).

Too many people blame the world for their problems as opposed to taking personal responsibility and owning up to the fact that the world is the way the world is and that YOU have the ability to create your own positive reality based upon what you have to work with.

but to answer your question simply, its extremely rare for men and women to actually understand each other. for the most part, if it weren't for the sex and making babies most men would likely have very little to do with most women. Heck, i'd argue that women would still be traded as slaves if they didn't have that hook into to men (ie. sex and being the mother of their children).

It's the yin/yang thing. In order for man to exist there must be woman to counteract him. Man will be logical and rational, women will be emotional. That's your two different planes of reality. Of course we will never see eye to eye. But that's what keeps the world from spinning wildly off its axis.

Embrace it, but learn to make it work for you, that's all I can say.

 

[joekerr31]

you got it str8up. do the best to be a positive force in the world while enjoying the ride at the same time.

and take some solace that no matter how horrible it gets, it will end one day.

sounds like a negative statement to make, but in truth live is not meant to be heaven, that comes after (if your lucky )

life is a long hard road out of hell - but while many give up on that road, if you keep trucking along you'll make it.

and in the end, despite all the pain, suffering and loneliness everyone goes through at different stages, in the end, after all the trials and tribulations, most people are glad for the experience.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Thanks for the replies.

Start playing for the other team? Hmm... well I'm not into sports or beer so I may be in trouble! :rock:

I do realize that there will never be a 99% overlap between a man and a woman. Nor do I expect a woman to have the same interests as I do. Just because I like motorcycles doesn't mean I expect a woman to like them too or even to ride as a passenger.

What I'm really getting at is more about a compatibility of values and the view of the world... I guess "a sense of life" is a good way to put it.

I do hear what you guys are saying about being a stand-alone individual. For a while now I've been thinking that I'll probably start having my most success with women when I don't need (can't love?) them anymore.