Separate or joint finances?

[jhonny9546]

Specifically about LTR's and marriages.

 

[SW15]

In LTRs with no marriage, this isn't even worth a discussion. That should ALWAYS be separate finances.

In marriage, there can be a discussion about joint accounts.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Specifically about LTR's and marriages.

My wife and I have a joint account.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Separate.

 

[The Duke]

With my exwife, everything was combined. We both had direct deposit and she was responsible for making sure the bills got paid and there was enough money for fun stuff and savings. We made plenty of money so there was never any issues. I had zero concerns and never looked at anything. Towards the end I realized if I looked at the accounts once a month I would have reeled her personal spending habits in some.

With my last ltr, we had a joint account and individual accounts as well. We did combine finances to build a place together. When we split, I bought her out dollar for dollar plus about 10% interest on the asset's we had together. She never owned anything by title, only by legal agreement. Everything was in my name. She did get a little butthurt because she didn't have the savings I had. She also didn't like the fact that I refused to title anything in her name alongside mine. Sure glad I never gave in!

I've never had any issues either way. I've always made plenty of money and my significant others did too.

I'd definitely have a plan in place before you move in together. The expectations needs defined before cohabitating.

I would also recommend someone that has similar financial habits and expectations of how money is spent.

These days if I ever had another LTR that lived with me(no marriages for me), I would keep everything separate and assign some bills that she could pay. I would own everything. I would not accept any of her money towards purchasing assets or have her name on anything.

 

[Westminster]

Keep everything separate.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Just curious what older DJ's in relationships/marriages know about sharing bank accounts, keeping bank accounts seperate, having personal and/or mutual bank accounts, etc, when it comes to family/marriage/serious relationships. As I contemplate family, fatherhood and deeper love, this is something I want to have a game-plan for

 

[zekko]

When I was married (many moons ago), we always had separate bank accounts. We each had bills we were responsible for paying. On one hand, we're divorced now, so many this wasn't a "together" enough of an attitude. But on the other hand, we never argued about money, so maybe it was a good arrangement.

I like us to both have our own money. After all, you don't walk around sharing the same wallet, do you?
Now if she wasn't working, and was a stay at home mother, then that might change the dynamic some. But I still like the idea of us each having our own money. I know some guys who have to go through their wives just to buy a pack of cigarettes (I don't condone smoking, by the way).

 

[plumber]

this is a very clear marker of her mind. when she is push for equal or control her interest level is down. when she is giving, trusting and submissive her interest level is up.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

When I was married (many moons ago), we always had separate bank accounts. We each had bills we were responsible for paying. On one hand, we're divorced now, so many this wasn't a "together" enough of an attitude. But on the other hand, we never argued about money, so maybe it was a good arrangement.

I like us to both have our own money. After all, you don't walk around sharing the same wallet, do you?
Now if she wasn't working, and was a stay at home mother, then that might change the dynamic some. But I still like the idea of us each having our own money. I know some guys who have to go through their wives just to buy a pack of cigarettes (I don't condone smoking, by the way).

Interesting and thoughtful answer, I appreciate that. Was anything ever complicated because of using separate accounts? What about big purchases?

 

[BadBoy89]

Together for sure.

If a man does it separate, the judge will think he didn't love the woman and just got married for image. No, no, no. A man has to show society he loves the woman.

A man's only concern should be if a woman wants access to anything BEFORE he makes it official. After, a woman can touch anything she wants. 50/50 baby

 

[BaronOfHair]

Specifically about LTR's and marriages.

Seperate, if you haven't married her. Like DiCaprio, things could go either way, once you've married

 

[zekko]

Interesting and thoughtful answer, I appreciate that. Was anything ever complicated because of using separate accounts? What about big purchases?

No, there was never an issue with having separate accounts. We always used to say, couples usually fight over money, but we never did.
I'm sure we must have made a big purchase at some point, though it was so long ago I don't really remember. We both had a lot of stuff coming in. But I'd imagine if we agreed to buy something big, one of us would pay for it, and the other would reimburse for half.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

No, there was never an issue with having separate accounts. We always used to say, couples usually fight over money, but we never did.
I'm sure we must have made a big purchase at some point, though it was so long ago I don't really remember. We both had a lot of stuff coming in. But I'd imagine if we agreed to buy something big, one of us would pay for it, and the other would reimburse for half.

Seems like a good way to start off especially as things get more serious and then slowly inch your way towards other experiments.

 

[plumber]

if she contributes money that's great. don't make it a requirement. most guys want to be the leader of the team. being the leader includes taking care of the money.

if she wants or needs more than you will give, its the wrong girl for you.

don't buy anything on credit that you need her to help pay for.

if you feel like she is taking advantage of you, then she is. next.....

trying to buy happiness is really trying to buy approval from everyone. if that's the case fix that before finding a girl, and red flag that behavior in the girls you choose from.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

if she contributes money that's great. don't make it a requirement. most guys want to be the leader of the team. being the leader includes taking care of the money.

if she wants or needs more than you will give, its the wrong girl for you.

don't buy anything on credit that you need her to help pay for.

if you feel like she is taking advantage of you, then she is. next.....

trying to buy happiness is really trying to buy approval from everyone. if that's the case fix that before finding a girl, and red flag that behavior in the girls you choose from.

Yeah of course, Im not here to give in to some materialistic girl's demands for entertainment or consumerism. I met a guy who was bragging about how much crap he purchased for his "trophy wife" which had the opposite effect of a flex to me.

Definitely wouldn't get into debt to pay some BS off for her.

 

[The Duke]

@SpartanWarrior77
Here's a similar thread:

Separate or joint finances?

Specifically about LTR's and marriages.

www.sosuave.net

 

[Doctor Europeo]

@SpartanWarrior77
Here's a similar thread:

Separate or joint finances?

Specifically about LTR's and marriages.

www.sosuave.net

Merged them

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

How about a hybrid approach where there is one joint account and then we both have separate accounts? You, me and we jars basically.

 

[The Duke]

How about a hybrid approach where there is one joint account and then we both have separate accounts? You, me and we jars basically.

That's a solid route. Don't assume what is expected, be a good leader and work out what is reasonable for both parties. Get her to agree to it.