Semantics..."hanging out"

[ARrocket]

I often use the words "hang out" to a girl I wanna get together with...this may not seem like a big issue, but I was wondering what your thoughts on that are? Hopefully that doesn't bring about too friendly of a mindset. It hasn't really seemed like an issue in the past, but you would you guys advise against that?

 

[Yuma]

Personally, I think it depends on the type of girl you're trying to get with. I've met some girls who get turned off by the word 'date' and would rather just 'hang out' and see what happens. But, like I said, it depends on the girl. No rule book for this one, really. Just your own intuition.

But, yeah. There's nothing wrong with 'hang out', since it all means the same thing. One's just more formal than the other. The means justify the end, no matter which way you look at it. Body language conveys more than spoken language does. And any girl who is on the same page with you at this point in the game will know what you mean.

 

[Wodinart]

The best way of avoiding this if you're getting hung up over it is simply not to use the words "hang out" or "date" at all- if possible. I've had a lot of success in the last month or so simply turning up at rooms of girls in my college who I like, telling them I'm going somewhere and asking them if they want to come with me. Everything's so much more spontaneous that way- surely a good thing, right? I'm assuming from your age that you're at uni too, try it and let us know how it goes.

If the girl isn't on your doorstep then the above approach clearly isn't an option. The way I look at it though, if she gets wound up over a minute difference in phraseology, she's probably either

a) not that interested. Next her, or keep building attraction.

and/or b) not worth your time.

Wodinart

 

[Lexington]

The girl will know exactly what your intentions are if you set it up right. Remember, it's not what you say, but how you say it. If you're interacting with her in a friend frame, she will interpret "hang out" to mean just that. However, if you're interacting with her as boyfriend/lover/fvck buddy material, she'll understand that it's a date type interaction. Girls might not be the brightest creatures, but they're smart enough to pickup on these things!

Rather than say "let's hang out sometime," it's better to come out with a specific plan. That way you're avoiding any kind of ambiguity and you're taking the initiative as you should. So maybe just say something like "come over and watch a movie with me" or "let's get some drinks at [insert bar here]."

Notice that I didn't phrase them as questions. You should ask it as though you expect her to come. The implication is that it would be weird if she said no. If you ask her permission, you come off as submissive. By "asking" with a statement, you display a lot more confidence.

 

[Swashbuckler]

You could try saying to a girl 'I want to see you again," or like the above "Come with" Those are effective terms that don't have the friendly tones.

 

[Amazing]

yeah, i texted a girl to hang out last night and she said "I don't even know anything about you!"

To me it meant we go for a drink, to her she thought I was goign to come and f her.

 

[Wodinart]

You could try saying to a girl 'I want to see you again," or like the above "Come with" Those are effective terms that don't have the friendly tones.

"I want to see you again" sounds very AFC to me. It's the girl who should be constantly thinking about seeing YOU again- you should have other things do to with your time, like spinning other plates and doing what you enjoy(no pun intended). "I want to see you again" is a frame that hands all the power to the girl and will get you friendzoned in no time. With the "come with" line, you are inviting the HB into your world, to do things you enjoy on your terms. This position is infinitely stronger.


Wodinart

 

[Tiguere]

I wanna see you again doesn't sound bad. Remember what counts is the tone of voice, posture and kino-ing her while saying it. Nothing sounds AFC and nothing sounds DJ ....its all about the delivery.

 

[Amazing]

I wanna see you again doesn't sound bad. Remember what counts is the tone of voice, posture and kino-ing her while saying it. Nothing sounds AFC and nothing sounds DJ ....its all about the delivery.

We live in a world of text

 

[ARrocket]

We live in a world of text

This is true...a lot of people on this forum are strictly against texting to set up these "hang outs" but I don't see a problem with it, especially with college/high school aged kids. I'm 20 and the girls I interact with are around the same age.

But yeah, I see what you guys are saying, and it makes sense!

 

[Atom Smasher]

I've always been against the "let's hang out" mentality, but I am older than you guys. I suppose you can get away with it as a late teenager or in your early twenties, but later on that phrase becomes a real negative.

A woman wants a man to take contol and command. I usually decide to do something first, and then tell her, "I'm going to such-and-such this saturday. Why don't you come on out with me". I just set up (via e-mail) a date with a woman by saying, "I see you and I spending a day at {insert amusement park here}, and then in the evening going over to the stadium to watch {insert band here}. If you're interested, let me know.

That was 3 weeks ago, and I'm still waiting for her reply. Just kidding! She immediately said she would love to go.

That conveys a take-charge., masculine presence. "Let's hang out sometime" is weak, weak, weak by comparison.

 

[ARrocket]

I agree with you Atom Smasher, saying "let's hang out sometime" is way too vague and just all around horrible. I was talking more in terms of "let's hang out Saturday, I wanna (insert place, idea, etc)."

 

[Amazing]

I agree with you Atom Smasher, saying "let's hang out sometime" is way too vague and just all around horrible. I was talking more in terms of "let's hang out Saturday, I wanna (insert place, idea, etc)."

That was my implication too, I hope nobody is just saying "lets hang out" you gotta at least give a suggestion, worst comes to worst "lets grab a movie and chill"


The whole "I'll be here at X, if you want to come" thing can work, but you need comfort first or you gonna be showing up alone to a lot of places.

 

[handle]

**** semantics. If you're doing your job it'll be obvious what you mean. Body language, tone of conversation, etc.