Self-Improvement vs Self-Acceptance

[Huffman]

Improvement says I have to change in order to become different.
Acceptance says I should be comfortable with the way I am.
Then Improvement says that acceptance is just lazyness!

You can see where this is going. For example, I sometimes feel that I'm not exiting enough (buy I don't really know by what standards). I force myself to do a lot of stuff that I don't enjoy.

Then again accepting what I am and being open about it has definitely brought me a lot of success.

Can you see the conflict? You force yourself to change and end up having no fun. But simply accepting yourself is boring too! Ever had the same thoughts?

 

[zekko]

Tyler Durden says pickup includes many paradoxical (but true) concepts that you have to wrap your head around. This is just another good example. Why should I have to improve myself if I'm such hot sh!t already?

You could say that if you don't improve yourself, then you're stagnant and standing still. No matter how good you are, you can always be better. Or you could look at it this way: you should improve because you deserve it.

 

[S.U.R.F.]

Ever see the movie Fight Club? Brad Pitt (Tyler Durden) had a line that said something like (Self improvement is masterbation, Self destruction on the other hand....)

I find that fking things up will always show more bout yourself then reading sosuave and just trying to understand walls of post. Just don't screw up too badly.

You can't improve yourself until you have accepted who you are at the moment. Trying to improve oneself without acceptance is very insecure. Like a person who completely hates himself trying to change into something he's not. Accept who you are right now, love yourself, then you can improve on what you already have.

Otherwise, your just trying to run away from yourself.

Also the term self improvement sounds so girly, change is a more alpha word IMO.

 

[Lexington]

Improvement says I have to change in order to become different.
Acceptance says I should be comfortable with the way I am.
Then Improvement says that acceptance is just lazyness!

You can see where this is going. For example, I sometimes feel that I'm not exiting enough (buy I don't really know by what standards). I force myself to do a lot of stuff that I don't enjoy.

Then again accepting what I am and being open about it has definitely brought me a lot of success.

Can you see the conflict? You force yourself to change and end up having no fun. But simply accepting yourself is boring too! Ever had the same thoughts?

You should seek to improve yourself for no other reason than to improve yourself. If you only wish to improve yourself to get money, women etc. then progress will be very difficult to achieve.

If you accept yourself for who you are, and are at peace with who you are, self improvement is actually much easier. Otherwise, you're always not satisfied with who you are and self-improvement becomes a chore.

Take a look at most of the people who make a ton of money. Sure they like money and they like to enjoy the things that money can buy. But they are not driven by money alone. There's something else. If money was the only thing that was driving them, they could call it quit after they made $10 billion or so. You could live an absolutely fantastic life of luxury with that money. Yet they keep going. Why?

Success is a journey, it's not a destination. It's a cliche but it's so very true. If you're only doing things to achieve an end result, it's much tougher to get it done. However, if you are driven to do a few actions that lead to success over and over again, success is pretty much just a byproduct.

Basically, be content with who you are. Do things to improve yourself simply for the sake of improving yourself. Don't concern yourself with the results. Focus on the journey and you will reach your destination before you even know it. You might even get to a place you never thought you could reach.

Ok....that's my motivational speech for the day.

 

[S.U.R.F.]

Good post Lexington, I can understand where you are coming from. However, for other, who still doesn't know to pick between Self Improvement or self acceptance, it might be just some inspiring words and metaphysical ideas.

Why are we all here at Sosuave? Isn't it to become better with women? How can anyone honestly say, they are just improving for the sake of improving, when they write their stories on a forum for help with women. We're all improving for women here, like it or not.

And that is the reason why it will not work. Picture yourself, right now. And Imagine that you will never get another girl in your life. What is your reaction?
Are you angry? Are you panicked? Are you saddened by your faith? Try and accept all of this. Can you?

Now imagine yourself as an alpha male, top dog, ladies man. Are you surrounded by women? Are they all over you? Are you happy?

Now, if you cannot accept your faith that there will be no women for you. And if you are happy that women are all over you in your projection of your future. Congratulations! You will never be a real alpha male. I'm..not..joking.

Your still depending on the validation of women. Your purpose of becoming an alpha male, becoming confident, is for women to like you. Doesn't sound very secure now does it.

By some miraculous purpose, you have achieved great womanizing powers. Great, what next? You will never be complete! Your purpose has NEVER been to be accepted by women. Your purpose was to TRULY accept yourself for everything that you are. Thinking that women accepting you and yourself accepting you is the same is your flaw.

You should only improve yourself because, not for the sake of improving yourself, but because you deserve better. Know that in your heart. You deserve to be more then what you are. That is the only true catalyst of change.

Here is where my post will overlap with Lexingtons, .

Find a goal in life. Not having sex with 100 women. Something that will make you content. Your goal should be a sentence, and when writing it this sentence should make you tear up. Focus on this. Only this. Allow women to come and enjoy your journey with you, but only that. Chasing after women is not the journey. Men are made to achieve greatness, women are made to achieve the best man possible. Its their job to chase you, why the fk are you chasing them?

TLR,
Truly accept yourself, the womenless fag that you are
Realize your more then what you are now (positive self esteem)
Follow that goal, regardless if women will come to you or not (indifference)
Become success and happy (your true meaning in life)

I promise you, if you think your life's goal is sleeping with 500 women.
You will:
1) not achieve this
2)by some miracle that you do, you will not be happy.

THE END

 

[comic_relief]

A chicken and the egg type of story

What came first, self-improvement or self-acceptance.

I argue that self acceptance comes first because you realized either your life sucks OR your life is not what it should be otherwise you wouldn't be here

Self-improvement comes second because you want improve your lot in life. The better you become the more happier you become, the more you accept yourself.

It then becomes a snowball type of story (no sexual innuendo)

- comic_relief

 

[pipe007]

from a psychological point of view.

1) first you learn to accept yourself the way you are including perceived flaws. No matter how debilitating or imperfect they might be.

2) as you accept yourself the way you are, you become at peace with yourself, you actually start to focus on personal strenghts, and how you can use your personality to your advantage.

3) sure you can just decide that you are ok the way you are and not do anything to change, but that would just be an excuse to not change your current life situation..

4) you decide to improve yourself after having accepted yourself = true power, because not only are you improving yourself from what you already like and accept about yourself, anything you gain from now on is a benefit, a gain to your advantage which will only increase self esteem and self confidence.

so yea first you accept yourself and as you do, you being to change and improve yourself.

as you improve yourself you begin to accept yourself

they are correlated, neither has been proved to cause the other, they are correlated, as you work on one, the other follows

 

[Appoloin]

Self Acceptance comes first. Accept who you are. Self improvement is the next task. If you merely do the first you are rotting and wasting your life away and that's no way to live. Improve yourself, everyday in every aspect of your life or you will never be happy because you merely skated through life and never challenged yourself to become better. Just make sure its for yourself or you will half ass it.

 

[Huffman]

I like where this is going. That improvement/change emerges from accepting, instead of being an act of desperation.
Also that being at peace with yourself doesn't mean you don't want to improve anymore.

What a theoretical subject. It just popped into my mind at some random time. Thanks for the heads-up guys

 

[Disco]

acceptance also encompasses things like your boundaries, your stress levels, your views and just figuring out what you are capable of dealing with and what you aren't. it's also about coming to peace with any bad thing that may have happened in your life and living with it rather than hating or denying it.

once you figure these things out you know who you are and you make yourself better accordingly.