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Self improvement and the emotional trigger

Jariel

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I'm back after an absence from this forum with a little advice.

Most people who begin a course of self improvement have some kind of emotional trigger - often negative. Maybe they feel disrespected, experienced rejection(s), being dumped, or generally feel lonely or depressed, but there's that stage where they turn that negative emotion into a inspiration and say "enough is enough, it's time to change!"

This motivation usually lasts as long as the emotional trigger. More often than not, people start out on fire, eating healthily, hit the gym, hit the books, chat to more women and so on. Every time they do it, they feel the drive and face it head on. The problem is when the emotional trigger starts to subside they start to slack off. Their diet starts to allow the occasional McDonalds or binge drinking session. Their gym routine becomes a once in a while visit and they're back in their rut - remote control and a beer in their hands. That is until the next time they feel an emotional trigger, then they start up again.

The key is to keep that emotional trigger fresh and reflect on it regularly. Write it down in detail if you want to and read it every day! Every time you are debating whether to go to the gym or sit and play Playstation, or everytime you think of ordering a pizza, remind yourself how you felt when you made that decision to improve yourself and why you should avoid these bad habits.

Personally I made some exceptional physical and mental improvements during the past years and I admit that many of my emotional triggers related to girls. However, I've been in a relationship the past 9 months, and though things are great between us, I ended up getting a little complacent with myself. I have been a dedicated health freak the past 2 years and yet in those months I stopped working out so much and started eating snackfood. Then a couple of weeks ago my friend made an innocent comment about my "love handles" and it hit me how much I've let myself go! I felt ashamed of myself and felt like I'd thrown away years of hard work.

On reflection I realised that my original emotional trigger had gone. Being in a happy relationship, I didn't need to attract or impress women or avoid rejection any more. What I needed was another emotional trigger and I found one in my disgust at myself at becoming so lazy and I vowed to snap out of it. Luckily I caught myself in the early stages of complacency. Now I'm back on form, working out hard and improving myself again. This time to keep that feeling of shame at bay.

In short, don't lose sight of your emotional trigger and use it to beat complacency!
 

MVP

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Yes I agree! A good way to keep the "emotional trigger" running is writing it down and reading it every day or night.
 

LegendBoy

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This is one of the best ways to not let up on self improvement. Having only 2 replies to it, is beyond me. Posts that generate controversy seem to get more responses then the good ****.
 

realsmoothie

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It's an interesting strategy... BUT... is it healthy to keep dwelling on a negative experience as a motivating factor for every impulse towards self-improvement?

Wouldn't it be better to try and improve your self "just because you should"?

Not sure if that makes sense, there are probably other more DJish people around here that can explain it more Buddha-like.
 

Jariel

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realsmoothie said:
It's an interesting strategy... BUT... is it healthy to keep dwelling on a negative experience as a motivating factor for every impulse towards self-improvement?
That's a fair question, but I didn't mean to dwell on a negative experience necessarily. Rather treat it as a painful lesson, like if you were to get burned by a hot stove. You wouldn't spend your days contemplating the pain you went through, but you would not go and touch a hot stove again. In the same way, you can use painful emotional memories to warn you against lazy habits.
 

-V-

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Jariel said:
I'm back after an absence from this forum with a little advice.

Most people who begin a course of self improvement have some kind of emotional trigger - often negative. Maybe they feel disrespected, experienced rejection(s), being dumped, or generally feel lonely or depressed, but there's that stage where they turn that negative emotion into a inspiration and say "enough is enough, it's time to change!"

This motivation usually lasts as long as the emotional trigger. More often than not, people start out on fire, eating healthily, hit the gym, hit the books, chat to more women and so on. Every time they do it, they feel the drive and face it head on. The problem is when the emotional trigger starts to subside they start to slack off. Their diet starts to allow the occasional McDonalds or binge drinking session. Their gym routine becomes a once in a while visit and they're back in their rut - remote control and a beer in their hands. That is until the next time they feel an emotional trigger, then they start up again.

The key is to keep that emotional trigger fresh and reflect on it regularly. Write it down in detail if you want to and read it every day! Every time you are debating whether to go to the gym or sit and play Playstation, or everytime you think of ordering a pizza, remind yourself how you felt when you made that decision to improve yourself and why you should avoid these bad habits.

Personally I made some exceptional physical and mental improvements during the past years and I admit that many of my emotional triggers related to girls. However, I've been in a relationship the past 9 months, and though things are great between us, I ended up getting a little complacent with myself. I have been a dedicated health freak the past 2 years and yet in those months I stopped working out so much and started eating snackfood. Then a couple of weeks ago my friend made an innocent comment about my "love handles" and it hit me how much I've let myself go! I felt ashamed of myself and felt like I'd thrown away years of hard work.

On reflection I realised that my original emotional trigger had gone. Being in a happy relationship, I didn't need to attract or impress women or avoid rejection any more. What I needed was another emotional trigger and I found one in my disgust at myself at becoming so lazy and I vowed to snap out of it. Luckily I caught myself in the early stages of complacency. Now I'm back on form, working out hard and improving myself again. This time to keep that feeling of shame at bay.

In short, don't lose sight of your emotional trigger and use it to beat complacency!
shut ur mouth self improvement is masturbation.

People are just fkin lazy and the love to procrastinate a lot.
 

Unregistered

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shut ur mouth self improvement is masturbation.
I've always hated this quote. Self-improvement leads to tangible benefits to your life (as well as the people around you), while masturbation produces a couple minutes of temporary pleasure and a stain on your bedsheet. Ridiculous.

Masturbation is lazy, empty pleasure. Self-improvement depends on denying the exact impulses that fuel masturbation. I could be comfortable tomorrow and watch 4 hours of T.V., but instead I plan on studying my Econ textbook and reading some books. I could sleep in tomorrow, but instead I'll wake up early and run a few miles.

It's an interesting strategy... BUT... is it healthy to keep dwelling on a negative experience as a motivating factor for every impulse towards self-improvement?

Wouldn't it be better to try and improve your self "just because you should"?

Not sure if that makes sense, there are probably other more DJish people around here that can explain it more Buddha-like.
I thought the same thing when I read this. At the same time, I've used negative emotion to get me motivated, and it does work. I just don't think that relying exclusively on it would be healthy. It's better to focus on the future benefits of whatever activity you're doing. Keep the image of the person you want to be at the front of your subconscious; try to make that as powerful as the negative emotions/experiences you have.
 

Jariel

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Unregistered said:
I've always hated this quote. Self-improvement leads to tangible benefits to your life (as well as the people around you), while masturbation produces a couple minutes of temporary pleasure and a stain on your bedsheet. Ridiculous.

Masturbation is lazy, empty pleasure. Self-improvement depends on denying the exact impulses that fuel masturbation. I could be comfortable tomorrow and watch 4 hours of T.V., but instead I plan on studying my Econ textbook and reading some books. I could sleep in tomorrow, but instead I'll wake up early and run a few miles.
Exactly!!

Remember kids, Fight Club is FICTION. Tyler Durden is jobless, homeless, has no prospects. He would not resemble Brad Pitt in any way, because Brad Pitt is everything Tyler Durden is not and his image, physique, coolness, lifestyle and so on are the result of self-improvement.

In reality, Tyler Durden would look like one of the stars of Bum Fights
 

Celadus

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I listen to Hustla's Ambition atleast once a day. Good motivational song.

"Forget the past but remember the pain."
 

Raptured Phoenix

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realsmoothie said:
It's an interesting strategy... BUT... is it healthy to keep dwelling on a negative experience as a motivating factor for every impulse towards self-improvement?

Wouldn't it be better to try and improve your self "just because you should"?

Not sure if that makes sense, there are probably other more DJish people around here that can explain it more Buddha-like.

Well, what it really comes down to is incentives. "Feeling bad about yourself" is an incentive to do something, but so is "Feeling good about yourself."

So instead of feeling bad about sitting on your ass all day and getting fat, maybe you should feel GOOD about getting in shape and learning things in school and doing something you're passionate about like dancing, or making music, or painting, or whatever you might like.

Make your emotional trigger a positive one like feeling good about working out. I go to a martial arts club and i LOVE it. I dont go there thinking "oh if i dont do this im gonna get my ass beat and be a fatass" I go there thinking "Oh i cant wait to workout and then have a lot of fun sparring with my friends, i enjoy learning many new fighting styles, blah blah blah" the point is i LIKE doing it. THATS what keeps me going, not guilt.
 
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