Self-esteem shot

[(+) Mindset]

Is it often that you are so confident in something - that you can accomplish it - but then when it's show time, you fail miserably?
I know it shouldn't be that easy for my self-esteem to be shot so fast, but it could be because of me being tired from work, not thinking clearly, etc.

But there's a problem.

Every single thing I've read regarding girls (such as some of the DJ Bible), books, online sites and what not is all in my mind. I know the body language I'm supposed to have, I know how voice tone should be, and I understand what it takes to attract someone.
I know it isn't all about looks, but about how you present yourself.

But has the following happened to you?:

You have decided to better yourself with these helpful resources, and are probably more educated on it than the average guy.
However the night just before a social gathering with a lot of girls (where YOU are the only guy), you go over everything you already know and are confident that you can perform.

The next day when that short social gathering happens, everything you have learned just evaporates from your mind and you are behaving like you used to behave even before you started studying this stuff.

It was totally pathetic for me. It's like, "what is the point of learning this stuff if I can't act upon it?"
I understand and I've heard it said LOTS of times that one has to practice, practice, practice. And that if one failure doesn't mean to just scrap everything.
But again, this was crazy. I know how it feels like to feel dominant in front of a group, and how it feels to know you can control the social outcome.

Well, no one said it was going to be easy!
This happened like two days ago and I’m still thinking of how just like that (*snaps fingers*) everything I’ve had in my mind can go away.

Advice and suggestions?
And thanks for reading.

 

[GaryUranga]

I get this sometimes, how does changing your mind into something work when theres so much to keep in mind just to keep your confidence up?

 

[KillaCam]

In a nutshell, if you have to study it, and you have to go over it in your mind, you don't know it well enough.

Natural confidence works. Rehearsed confidence backfires. There is no magic finger click that will make things happen perfectly, you just need to give things a go, and if they backfire then so be it.

It's stressed so often on this site for a reason. Approach, approach, approach. It's all good and well knowing what to do, but actualy doing it is the key. Overcome that mental barrier by just plain doing it. When you see a fine lady at a party, don't contemplate your moves, just make them.

Throwing yourself in the deep end and doing things without hesitation is the only way you will become comfortable with what you're doing. You can only get so much from articles.

EDIT - Typo

 

[cant think of a user name]

It kind of sounds like you're overthinking it with all the 'education' you got here.

Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself to act a certain way, which just screws with your mindset?

Just relax man, you don't HAVE to be everything this site tells you to be in order to succeed in whatever goal you may have in those social situations with girls.

Just be calm and chill out.

 

[Levi]

Internalize the Principles

Hey Dude, the way I understand it is that you are reading more than practicing. There are thousands of dating gurus out there (some of them famous and some not so much) and each of them are teaching what they found worked for them. So, you need to ease up on the reading material. The best advice I read was to pick a book and use the principles in it one at a time in the real world; when you start picking up chicks sucessfully you will get confident in your approaches(the best way of de-shying is to do mass aproaches and not kick yourself:kick: when you get shot down, but learning from it:yes: ); After you have done all that and you are confident enough FORGET EVERYTHING AND MAKE UP YOUR OWN DISTINCT STYLE. Another thing I picked on while reading your post was that you are reading and retaining the information in your head but you don't have the right mindset to apply the information=>

"I know the body language I'm supposed to have, I know how voice tone should be, and I understand what it takes to attract someone."

Knowing all the stuff doesn't work if you are not confident enough and don't believe in yourself. Don't compare yourself to the average guys, but with your old past self. Read soniq's post: It's excellent; and then read the recommended material below.

Good Luck
Levi:rockon:

Recommended*:
Carlos Xuma - Secrets of the Alpha male
Ross Jeffries' Unstoppable confidence tapes

*If you don't want to buy them you can always get them from P2P, but that's not encouraged.

 

[(+) Mindset]

Alright guys thanks for the info!
Generally I'm pretty confident and outgoing. However this was a new situation in a way (being that there was really pretty much no one there who I catually knew VERY WELL).

You've all got some good points, and thanks for the advice.

 

[dannowillbookem]

youve got to grow into yourself. i was at the mall with some girls who were trying on homecoming dresses (dont ask haha) and i stepped into that three way mirror thing. i looked at myself from angles, my jeans, my shirt, how they fit, my shoes, my beard, my eyes, even the outline of a cigarette pack in my back left pocket. at that moment i realized that weird feeling i get when im standing around with people, that feeling that i look weird, that feeling that i dont know what to do with my hands, its all unnecessary now. i have finally gotten to where i want to be. i have reached my true self, and now i finally am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. my abilty to speak is improving, my finding words for the moment and charm she can remember is a skill i've developed. if someone insults me, the voice in the back of my head that kind of agrees is dissapearing. i can speak back, my voice is wavering less. i am becoming a better person.

who you are is never who you actually are. who you are is inside you, and you will not find confidence or peace until what is inside can be expressed and shown on a physical level.