Self Esteem and Red Flags

[phil2015]

Hi Guys

I've done some reflection and soul searching on the major relationships of my life and I'm realising I've overlooked many of the glaring red flags and warning signs. I believe this is because I put too much focus and value on the notion of having a relationship, so I am very reluctant to break it off. This applies even if I am being borderine abused. Here is a general outline of some of the issues/red flags I have consciously overlooked in some of my relationships.

Girl A) 2006 - 2007 - Very angry, was physically violent, trust issues, insecure, image orientated, kissed 2 other people in front of me, attemped suicide

Girl B) 2008 - 2009 - Possible BPD - Angered easily, Dad issues, 99% sure she cheated, love bombed my family

Girl C) 2010-2012 - Rude, low interest, man hater, daddy issues, pushed buttons on purpose, got pregnant on purpose

Girl D) 2016-2017 - Dad issues, emotionally dead, started arguments to 'spice things up' possible BDP/Narc, attacked me (See recent threads)

I believe this boils down to a loneliness or self esteem issue in myself or I view the idea of being with someone with you much importance.

I also don't think very much of my appearance.

Is there any way I can increase my self esteem or my appearance as a Man? Therefore the next time red flags and crazy chit begins to happen I'll have no trouble walking away?

 

[AlphaNate]

Hit the gym and eat correctly. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-vault.126233/

Learn how to dress. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/thread...ok-better-step-inside-and-have-a-seat.211551/

Accept things you can't change.

 

[greatsnake]

These types of women are everywhere and it's not only you that run into these. However, it's up to you wether you will take the chit. A person with low self esteem has a lack of boundaries. You have to start setting limits as to what you will accept or not and be willing to walk out once a sign pops up.

 

[resilient]

Screen for red flags and don't ignore them, especially during getting to know you phase. There's no room for rationalization if you want to avoid the pattern in women you keeping selecting for plates... so see through those tactics early. Don't just hope things will work themselves out. You can't take a passive approach to dating. You lead. You act.

You should now have more wisdom after your experiences with girls A-D. Listen to your gut. Judge her character well and be ready to drop the plate for better prospects once they act up or reveal toxic behavior.

If you're lonely, ask yourself why. Journal and write how you plan to fix that.

Low self-esteem? Get your house in order. Increase your social spheres, hobbies/interests, and career/networking. That way you dgaf if a plate drops you or you drop her. You're busy.

 

[sazc]

people show you who they are and people dont change - and it isnt your job to try to change hem. the next time you decide to invest make it a standard that it is with a female that you can accept for who she is right now, not her potential, not who she will be after you fix her, who she is right now.

 

[MrAddiction]

people show you who they are and people dont change - and it isnt your job to try to change hem. the next time you decide to invest make it a standard that it is with a female that you can accept for who she is right now, not her potential, not who she will be after you fix her, who she is right now.

Think that will not help much with the Cluster Bs he seems to encounter. You can always accept a Cluster B for what she is right now - but the unacceptable behaviour starts later down the road and then he must be ready to not be willing to fix her and have boundaries and be willing to drop her at the slightest hint from her side to disrespect this boundaries.
... And the latter mit only goes for Cluster Bs.