Self Diagnosis

[CanuckinSK]

I think I've figured out my problem. I KNOW I come across to most people (and especially women) as really arrogant and haughty. This perception is magnified greatly if I'm in a bad mood or feeling angry about something.

Ironically, in a way, I'm just the opposite of an AFC as I don't put females on pedestals. Quite the opposite, really. Of course, I'm not a good actor and can't charm or C&F my way into a woman's heart and/or pants.

Whether it's a defense mechanism or I'm just that anti-social, I'm not sure. The only time I'm truly relaxed and easy going is when I'm at home or around a few of the GUYS at work.

If a woman walks in, I feel myself tensing up and will turn away or move away from her. I used to dismiss it as shyness, but the ugly truth is that I really don't like women anymore. I think I've taken all the rejections and am basically paying them back by shutting them out.

I'm at a loss as to how to lose this hostile, chip on the shoulder attitude. What can I do?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I think I've taken all the rejections and am basically paying them back by shutting them out.

I'm at a loss as to how to lose this hostile, chip on the shoulder attitude. What can I do?

Change your attitude toward women.

 

[MrGold]

Change your attitude toward woman.

Got it in one. Only you can change yourself. Just change the way you percieve things, why are you forcing yourself into that mindframe? Just break it and become the person you want to be!

 

[JDA70]

You said " I think I've taken all the rejections and am basically paying them back by shutting them out."

You have become a bitter man and are avoiding them now.

First I want you to understand that "She" (women) are not better then you!
Say it a hundred times if you have to, "She is not better then me!"

Next understand that you were not rejected,
the girls disqualified themselves.

There are other girls out there waiting to be approached
so you need to get rid of your bitterness.

Get control of this, be a MAN and start getting some numbers and dates.
Don't let the lame azz b1tches from your past mess up your life.

Hope that helps bro. :wave:

 

[Maxtro]

Interesting thread. I can sort of understand how you feel. I'm 26 and the closet thing I have had to a relationship is making out with a fat girl for two weeks and that was two years ago. No girlfriends, no dates no sex. The only sex I got was from hookers and women in swinger clubs. These things have really screwed up my impressions about women.

Every day the phrase that crosses my mind the most is "I hate women." But then I realize that I don't actually hate women, I hate the way they make me feel and all the bad experiences I've had with them. If we actually hated women we wouldn't be on a site like this trying to get them.

IMO the only thing that is keeping me going is the fact that I will pretty much be alive for about 60 more years I definitely don't want to live alone, without women or sex. The only thing I can do is try to enjoy the time that I spend with women, no matter how short it is.

 

[CanuckinSK]

You have become a bitter man and are avoiding them now.

Yes, indeed, very true.

First I want you to understand that "She" (women) are not better then you!
Say it a hundred times if you have to, "She is not better then me!"

I get it... loud and clear. I usually leave women with the impression that I think they have leprosy. I don't kiss their a$$es.


Get control of this, be a MAN and start getting some numbers and dates.
Don't let the lame azz b1tches from your past mess up your life.

Funny in some ways I'm very much a man. I have a VERY dangerous job that pays well above average. Most guys in my line of work wouldn't touch what I do with a ten foot pole. One mistake on my job, and my face would be turned into Freddy Kreuger. I have the guts to do this job, but I can't be around women... really weird.

 

[CanuckinSK]

The only sex I got was from hookers and women in swinger clubs. These things have really screwed up my impressions about women.

Haven't done the hooker thing yet, but I did have an older co-worker mind fvck me for three years when I was in my early 20's. Definately left me very frustrated and I'm sure it helped to shape my current feelings about women.

But then I realize that I don't actually hate women, I hate the way they make me feel and all the bad experiences I've had with them.

Very true. It always comes back to looking in the mirror, doesn't it?

 

[danielzxc]

Hasn't there ever been a time where you had fun with a woman? If there has been, maybe you could focus on the positive aspects of that, just to get your mind ticking in a different way. Because if you're gonna run the same "frkn bytch, I'll show you" patterns every time you're near a woman, then you're just gonna keep experiencing the same frustration you do now.

Also, you shouldn't kid yourself too much. It is still related to shyness. It's still related to feelings of self-worth. You don't think you've got what it takes to click with women, but rather than make an attempt at 'seducing' them (or approaching, or even just trying casually chatting or exchanging banter), and risk having them shut you down, you just shut them out first -- ie if it's gonna get to that anyway, at least you get there first, and get to protect your ego and, perhaps, have the added "bonus" of making her question herself too.

This probably feels satisfying in the moment, while you are doing it, like you are "really showing her" or something like that. But when it's over (she or you has left), you feel crappy.

I would recommend losing the ego (a bit). If you really think about it, who the hell is "impressed"? No one. Not your guy friends, who no doubt would think it weird or just funny that you can't make any headway with women, and not women, who at best might see you as "mysterious", which is good, but 'cos you don't ever come back to earth to show them you're also human, you're just "weird" or "troubled" and not worth their hassle, or otherwise you just remain plain anonymous, a complete nobody. So, yeah okay, you've protected your ego, but geez, at what a cost!

 

[KontrollerX]

Have you ever known one or more good women in your life?

If so remember that even though good women are hard to find they are out there somewhere.

Not all women are bad rejection machine games playing scum.

Just remember any good women you've ever known in your life when the negative thoughts creep up and remind yourself that there may be one such good woman out there for you.

 

[JDA70]

The reason I said be a MAN was because
I wanted to make it clear to
you what it is that a woman is looking for.
She doesn't want a nice guy a.k.a beta male.
A Woman will go for a jerk but don't be that guy.

MAN = ALPHA MALE
Confident, Discipline, Masculine
and a short list of other things I
can't think of right now.

Anyways, dump the bitterness and start dating.