An idea I read earlier in a masturbation context, which caused me to think of it's deeper applications in other areas:
Now, I want to talk about this same kind of self-control applied in a slightly different way. Chiefly in relation to intimacy and attachment to a potential awesome girl that you just met. Here's what I'm driving at: some (or many) of us have trouble staying congruent and keeping away from oneitis after we meet a super cute, smart, and fascinating girl who is unlike any other (or so we think). This feeling of "holy sh*t" is not only our desire to get in her pants and give her that daily d!ck dose, but also to reach an idealized level of intimacy and attachment that we might have. While we're in the middle of our interactions with her, it's tough to keep a sober mind and separate our neurotic romanticized version of the partner we think she may be from the real her. Our eagerness and excitement that she may fulfill some deeper level of intimacy we are idealizing can sabotage the true reality of things and spontaneity of the moment.
Think of these longing feelings of attachment and intimacy as a higher level of neuroticism than just a pure need to fu!k. It may not be just being a dog, but this non-reality thinking and over-obsession doesn't make you less AFC. In fact, it is exactly what makes you one. So here's the rub: keep that sh!t in check! How do you do it? With the same self-control mentality you use to keep your other feelings in check.
First step is awareness. Have you ever felt oneitis? How did it feel? Have you ever felt regret for loosing the girl over some screw-up in the frame? Why did you feel that way? Because she could potentially be "the one" and you weren't at the proper level of congruency with her to engage that necessary intimacy. The irony here is that a level of appropriate intimacy and attachment only comes when you can function in the real world: actually listen to the girl and see her for who she is -- her virtues and fallacies, accept her for her, and pimp accordingly. In this mindset, you must have a great level of self-awareness, and acknowledge whether the real you and real her would actually develop into a connection.
The central idea is to reach a sufficient level of self awareness of your own idealized intimacy/attachment in a partner, and to be able to say no to it over and over again, until you train yourself to see things for what they are, past your ego's longings and wants. Become the master of your actions, not a slave to your feelings. Conquer yourself to be congruent, spontaneous, and fluid in the real world.
Throughout my experience with abstinence from masturbation, I tried to think of not craving the need to beat off -- by mentally eliminating the need for a physical rush of ejaculation in front of porn. And it worked! You train your mind to just "let go" and release the mental grip of the subconscious need to fu!k into a higher ground of self-control over your actions. Over and over again. The added benefit is that each day you get more sexual energy, and when you're actually flirting with girls, you use it in a productive way to do the mating dance.
Now, I want to talk about this same kind of self-control applied in a slightly different way. Chiefly in relation to intimacy and attachment to a potential awesome girl that you just met. Here's what I'm driving at: some (or many) of us have trouble staying congruent and keeping away from oneitis after we meet a super cute, smart, and fascinating girl who is unlike any other (or so we think). This feeling of "holy sh*t" is not only our desire to get in her pants and give her that daily d!ck dose, but also to reach an idealized level of intimacy and attachment that we might have. While we're in the middle of our interactions with her, it's tough to keep a sober mind and separate our neurotic romanticized version of the partner we think she may be from the real her. Our eagerness and excitement that she may fulfill some deeper level of intimacy we are idealizing can sabotage the true reality of things and spontaneity of the moment.
Think of these longing feelings of attachment and intimacy as a higher level of neuroticism than just a pure need to fu!k. It may not be just being a dog, but this non-reality thinking and over-obsession doesn't make you less AFC. In fact, it is exactly what makes you one. So here's the rub: keep that sh!t in check! How do you do it? With the same self-control mentality you use to keep your other feelings in check.
First step is awareness. Have you ever felt oneitis? How did it feel? Have you ever felt regret for loosing the girl over some screw-up in the frame? Why did you feel that way? Because she could potentially be "the one" and you weren't at the proper level of congruency with her to engage that necessary intimacy. The irony here is that a level of appropriate intimacy and attachment only comes when you can function in the real world: actually listen to the girl and see her for who she is -- her virtues and fallacies, accept her for her, and pimp accordingly. In this mindset, you must have a great level of self-awareness, and acknowledge whether the real you and real her would actually develop into a connection.
The central idea is to reach a sufficient level of self awareness of your own idealized intimacy/attachment in a partner, and to be able to say no to it over and over again, until you train yourself to see things for what they are, past your ego's longings and wants. Become the master of your actions, not a slave to your feelings. Conquer yourself to be congruent, spontaneous, and fluid in the real world.
