Self Certainty - are you happy?

[Crazy Asian]

How did you find this site?
Was it a girl that broke your heart? or a girl that you wanted more than anything in the world but was out of reach?
We came on here looking for a way to stop the pain, and get the girls that we wanted.
We found a way to stop the pain.
To treat girls as if they aren't good enough for us and to stop anyone from having control over us.
We have become these egotistical men that have our values based purely on how secure we feel and how much control we have.
But I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
You should let go of that ego.
Without an ego, you are untouchable.
Nothing will affect you.

I was one of the worst.
I had this shell (or castle as this one girl described it) around my heart.
It helped me take away the pain of ever having to see a girl I couldn't have.
But what I didn't notice for a long time was that it took away the pleasure too. It took from my life all the things that are worth living for. It took away my LOVE for women.
I was seeing girls as objects that I needed to have power and control over.
I thought I was confident because I could approach any girl I wanted.
I thought I was confident because I got girls to like me.
I thought I was confident because I felt untouchable.
But what an illusion it was.
Genuine confidence is not something that can be seen. It is something that you have to feel for yourself.

Having power and control over women is not a bad thing.
But you need to understand that girls need to feel some sort of control as well.
We are so afraid of the power shifting over to the girls and thus loosing our so called sense of security.
And this is a true sign of lack of self certainty.
To give women control and still feel strong is the highest sense of confidence.
Giving women a little power DOES NOT mean that you have to weaken yourself.
We have to be certain enough about our selves to live life openly and have enough faith to work through whatever it is that we are facing.

For those of you that next girls just because they show the slightest signs of disrespect are fools. What do you learn from further reinforcing that shell around your heart and ignoring anyone that challenged your beliefs of control. Push through it, experience it, learn from it.

This will not happen at once.
I envy anyone who has enough internal power to let people inside their shell.
I wish that one day I can truly shatter my shell and embrace life as it is. How it is meant to be enjoyed.
I wish that one day I can be confident enough to say how I truly feel and not what I think will make the girl attracted to me. Because if you think about it, all the consequences can be meaningless or world shattering depending on your ability to filter out the negatives and let the positives flow in you.

It's been said over and over again. But now I think I've gained a new understanding for it. My definition of confidence: a state of mind where you have complete control over what you feel no matter your surroundings.

Guys, don't look at women as these things to "game".
But love them. Have a genuine love for women.
Have enough self certainty that you can spend time with a women without constantly having to convince yourself you have the upper hand.
Let things happen and just let go.

We came to this site looking for answers to women.
We were chumps that just needed one thing - Confidence.
But instead, we have built a castle around our selves with stones that blocked our views of the world.
We created this illusion to help us cope with the difficulties in our lives in the fastest way possible, which is to kill our emotion and feel like we have power.

But men, it's time to take the next step, or even a step backwards and break down those stones that are blocking off the love and passion in your life.

Peace out my brothers.
I hope the best for everyone on here, and I hope that one day we will all become men that aren't afraid.

 

[SinJester]

Hey man that great. Me and you seem to be going through the same kind of thing at the moment. I only just covered this at a different forum so I will quote myself:

Hey McAvoy your post touched me because for most of my life I have been far from the fearless heart. I've always closed mine off in order to protect myself. It's only more recently that I realized that if you close yourself off from the pain you close yourself off from love too. Showing vulnerability is true strength, because you know if even you get hurt you will survive. Even when in comes to body language, confident body langauge is leaving yourself open and vulnerable.

I was always too scared to go after a girl I actually cared about because all I could see was all the things that could go wrong. Now, realizing that you have to leave yourself open to be hurt to achieve anything, I'm willing to go after what I want regardless off the consequences. I know I might hurt but I wont break.

I agree with Mavrick too. I can say "I love myself" and truly mean it. It's not the narcissistic type of self-love, it isn't saying I'm better than anyone else, it is just me saying I'm completely ok with who I am. From there you can have the feelings of love more easily, more unafraid and towards other people. It isn't a needing or clinging, because you already have love, love for yourself, so what you feel towards other people is more pure. It took me a long time to get there. I didn't get there so much by changing myself, but by accepting myself. When people say 'confidence', I think this is what they really mean.

Although rather recently I almost lost touch with my ability to say that, and I knew I was in trouble. However I pulled myself out and now I can say it again

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Hmm,so it's lack of self confidence? What about looking to feel fullfilled when you always feel empty? I mean constantly? I think I have been hurt by people,not so much just women,that I am too in my shell.

I believe in having control over yourself,but what about when you feel you lack control? I am not happy with the way I am,I want to be more,isn't that normal? I feel I have created this,and have no way out,and it keeps on repeating itsself.

Thing is,all the things talked about in the two previous posts,I have always realized,so why can I not put myself out there?

 

[Crazy Asian]

Sin - I think this is our transition from the mindset of a PUA to the mindset of a natural.

 

[Crazy Asian]

caped, if you feel empty, just find passions in your life.
what do you love?
find that out and excel in it.
become the best.

of course we all have control over ourselves physically.
but emotional control is near impossible.
if you feel lack of control, just let go, and understand that control doesn't matter.

but if you aren't happy with the way you are, change that first.
I think your problem is just lack of motivation and passion.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I liked where you were going with the lack of ego idea. But without an ego, aren't you just a pushover? If you let people disrespect you, shouldn't you let them go?

What are you without an ego? Its a piece of yourself.

 

[SinJester]

Sin - I think this is our transition from the mindset of a PUA to the mindset of a natural.

Yep I agree! It's strange because I feel like I've been through each stage of the PUA. However I haven't done a 1000 cold approaches and honestly I don't have that much experience. Really all of the external stuff is just a path to change yourself internal anyway.

Hmm,so it's lack of self confidence? What about looking to feel fullfilled when you always feel empty? I mean constantly? I think I have been hurt by people,not so much just women,that I am too in my shell.

I believe in having control over yourself,but what about when you feel you lack control? I am not happy with the way I am,I want to be more,isn't that normal? I feel I have created this,and have no way out,and it keeps on repeating itsself.

Thing is,all the things talked about in the two previous posts,I have always realized,so why can I not put myself out there?

It's not 'normal'. Your natural state is acceptance and self-love. We just lose touch of that. In fact I understand where you are coming from. I felt like that for a long time. However I didn't get out of it by 'getting' something to fill my 'emptiness'. I didn't lose my self hate by changing myself. It comes from acceptance. I think that's one of the biggest realizations I've had. Rather than trying to change yourself, try to accept yourself. You can always change, in fact change is the only thing that is guaranteed in life. However in this moment all you have is you. That's all you will ever have. The fulfillment is already inside you, you just have to get in touch with it.

We have all been hurt. Coming out of your shell is knowing that if if you are hurt you will survive. It's almost like embracing it rather than shying away from it.

Look inside of yourself rather than outside. Things like Eckart Tolle's books helped me.

 

[SinJester]

I liked where you were going with the lack of ego idea. But without an ego, aren't you just a pushover? If you let people disrespect you, shouldn't you let them go?

What are you without an ego? Its a piece of yourself.

Self-esteem is what you think of yourself. Ego is what other people think of you. When you let go of your ego you actually gain more self-respect, because you aren't trying to impress other people. You can still let people go, however you wouldn't hold a grudge.

Without an ego you are yourself. You are the purest from of yourself. Natural. The ego isn't really you, it's just an image made up of what other people think of you. It isn't based in the present. When you are in the moment you are free of the go. The ego is made up from the past, it says "hey you did this so you are this". However we are ourselves in the moment, not our pasts.

Hoped that helped?

Everyone should read The Power Of Now and A New Earth by Eckart Tolle to gain an understanding.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

When I was 16 a girl that I was good friends with did not want to be my girlfriend.

I typed into a Yahoo! search "Lets just be friends"

I found an article on sosuave.com

I came here

My life changed. I'm doing great now thanks in large part to the seduction community.

Oh and a couple of years later the girl that LJBF'd me and I remained good friends. We even went to kiss once but I pulled away. She had her chance!

 

[Crazy Asian]

When I was 16 a girl that I was good friends with did not want to be my girlfriend.

I typed into a Yahoo! search "Lets just be friends"

I found an article on sosuave.com

I came here

My life changed. I'm doing great now thanks in large part to the seduction community.

Oh and a couple of years later the girl that LJBF'd me and I remained good friends. We even went to kiss once but I pulled away. She had her chance!

that's awesome.
i'm sure most everyone that came to this site has experienced changed they never thought were possible.
but we don't always notice how we are changing.
i was one of the people that took it too far and thought that i needed to treat women as if they are worthless.
i forgot how to love.

 

[Dstructor]

It's not 'normal'. Your natural state is acceptance and self-love.

LOL that doesn't really help with acceptance & self-love, sin

To the OP:

It's really funny coz you're the second person to describe EXACTLY, even better than me, what i've gone through

I wish that one day I can truly shatter my shell and embrace life as it is. How it is meant to be enjoyed.
I wish that one day I can be confident enough to say how I truly feel and not what I think will make the girl attracted to me. Because if you think about it, all the consequences can be meaningless or world shattering depending on your ability to filter out the negatives and let the positives flow in you.

Yea man, i can say i reached that place or currently enjoying it with people in general. I just noticed that almost anyone i sit next to in college i click with (probably coz i sit next to those i already know but sometimes not and there is a nice vibe). It's like i can see through them into their emotions, dreams and i share mine also

One thing i like to point out is that reaching a place of confidence doesn't mean negativity will be filtered out; you percieve negativity AND positivity but you only react to ONE of them, By your choice of course, and it's also by your choice to react to positivity instead of negativity

My definition of confidence: a state of mind where you have complete control over what you feel no matter your surroundings.

I can say i perfectly agree with that statement from what i've expereinced and pursuing. However, it would be more fitting for me if CHOICE was used instead of CONTROL


I had fort-knox around my heart; to the point where when i got in touch with that feeling my chest hurt so much i couldn't stay with it BUT i had a goal, formulated very late in my journey but it made all the difference you see;

two goals:
1- Reach a place where having fun is effortless & energizing with and without people/women
2- Reach a place of full connectedness to others & self, acceptance and respecting my integrity

Through pursuing those goals i've met some great people that shone light on my hurt and how i choose to deal with it and that's when i realized that choice is what it's all about really, confidence in choice

All i can say for the rest is awesome, man !
and i totally agree with it

 

[SinJester]

LOL that doesn't really help with acceptance & self-love, sin

It actually helped me Made me realize I had to let go of things rather than obtain things in order to achieve that. Anyway listen to this guy, he knows what he's talking about!