Self absorbed women

[SoldMySoul]

Long story short... Had a first date with a women last night and we talked some before the date. Great personality, looks good and seems to carry few issues which is a big plus! However, Not that I am nit picking, but she really seems self absorbed!! She has a lot of things that she adamantly enjoys. i,e. ballroom dancing/ teaching, tae kwon do, riding motorcycles and what not. I was hoping to really get to know her last night and she made that very difficult. She TALKED about 90 percent of the time about NOTHING except her work and basically bragged about how good of a dancer she was and crap like that. I had a pretty decent time, but hearing about how good she can dance kind of annoyed me. Have another date with her on Saturday and maybe she discuss other areas of her life. I know we as men should allow women to talk about 75 percent of the conversation, but I can't even get a word in edge wise because of her self edifying mumbo jumbo. I think she is really about all these activities because she lacks intimacy and wants someone in her life. I want to give her a fair shot, so any suggestions how I can cut he off when she is talking about this unnecessary mess without appearing rude? What was funny after the date, she asked several times did she meet my approval and was it worth the ride for the date. Which leads me to believe her personal life is lacking and she uses her activities to try and build her esteem up.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

... What was funny after the date, she asked several times did she meet my approval and was it worth the ride for the date.

All she was doing was qualifying herself and she needed the immediate feedback that she had done well. Guys do this all the time and are typically shocked when it's done to them.

Which leads me to believe her personal life is lacking and she uses her activities to try and build her esteem up.

Lacking? I wouldn't say that, she just wants a partner to share in the activities. Being active isn't a bad thing, it shows that you can live without pining away because you're single. These types of women are easier to date in my opinion because they can pull their own weight in the entertainment department when dating.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Francisco, you have always been "The Man" here. So are you saying that I misread her qualifying about the questions how she did? It was VERY ODD to hear that from a woman that appears confident as all get out! So you are saying if she is asking that she must have interest? Did I understand you correctly? She seems more active than most I have dated, so it is a change of pace for me and not used to it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Francisco, you have always been "The Man" here. So are you saying that I misread her qualifying about the questions how she did? It was VERY ODD to hear that from a woman that appears confident as all get out! So you are saying if she is asking that she must have interest? Did I understand you correctly? She seems more active than most I have dated, so it is a change of pace for me and not used to it.

There was a another thread in the forum where I was denouncing the positivity of being humble. Here's a person who's proud of what she does in her life yet it's taken as being self absorbed. Think about the flip side if you were out with a woman who only said "I just sit at home and watch movies, I walk my dog around the lake and I enjoy fine dining." BORING!!!!

Understand that self-absorbed isn't necessarily talking about yourself, it's always changing the subject to herself without any consideration to the other person. It may have seemed as if that was what she was doing but at the end she asked if your drive was worth it, that's consideration.

Is it odd to hear a woman speak this way? Absolutely! Those seems to be the women with less issues/drama in their lives. Did she complain about anything during the date? Past relationships, her career, her family? No? Consider yourself lucky; remember, complaining is the norm.

She's just a different type of woman, actually she's the type that I would date. I appreciate a woman that can hold her own. One that isn't depending on me to make her happy and fulfilled. Interested enough to share her lifestyle with me and to be passionate about it. To me, a woman that lives with passion is definitely more attractive to me than one who just exists from day to day.

Am I saying that she's the perfect woman? No, I don't know your definition of a perfect woman. For me living in the Midwest, I gravitate more to women who are transplants from the east coast. Loud, confident and opinionated and those who appreciate a guy who's stronger and even more opinionated to make them feel less abrasive. There's seldom a dull moment and it doesn't need to be because of drama.

 

[SoldMySoul]

I think you may have made me see the light with this one. I have been dealing with ones with issues so much that it did catch me off guard a little and I did not know how to respond. She *****ed some about her job, but that is okay. Other than that, NO COMPLAINTS whatsoever and I definitely need to look closely at her considering what you said. Thanks!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think you may have made me see the light with this one. I have been dealing with ones with issues so much that it did catch me off guard a little and I did not know how to respond. She *****ed some about her job, but that is okay. Other than that, NO COMPLAINTS whatsoever and I definitely need to look closely at her considering what you said. Thanks!

No prob. Notice her underlying qualities and start looking for similar traits in women you sarge. It makes qualifying them much easier.

 

[joekerr31]

this sounds pretty simple to me. you've got a hyper active chic on your hands.

a woman with a few activities is cool. a woman who works, ballroom dances, does tae kwon d*ck and 50 other things - not so cool. usually it means they are bonkers and have manic personalities (ie. they can't sit still to save their lives).

her rambling on and on is just another facet of being manic.

a woman's conversation style, in my personal opinion, tells you a LOT about who she is.

personally a woman who knows how to give and take during the conversation, strokes my ego a bit (who likes to admit that? but its nice in real life!), and who can jump around between serious conversations, flirting and silly humor is perfect. in short a woman who has balance and breadth.

unfortunately often times women don't have these things are their personality tends to be fairly narrow. they are either yackers, too quiet, overly interested in one particular thing, etc. - the most common trait i hate is women who just LOVE LOVE LOVE gossip and prattling endless about what they think of this person or that person (whether real life or celebrities). It's the most common trait among women and its the most annoying.

with this woman it sure sounds to me like she has a manic personality. i find manic women annoying as h*ll (plus they suck in bed - as much as you would think the opposite would be true). They just cannot SLOW THE F*CK DOWN and connect with you.

dating a manic woman is like playing a f*cking video game, its great for a couple of hours but then you need a break.

 

[mzilla2]

LOL I went out on a 2nd date with a chick last night that perfectly fits the manic description.

1st date I couldn't put my finger on it, 30, never married, hot, fit, enthusiastic, lots of interests, well educated, professional, and VERY talkative and always in motion... So I thought perhaps she was just a bit nervous and really into me...

NOPE. No holy grail here... 2nd date managed to get the crazy out in full force... Either she let her crazy curtains slip open, or the meds wore off! LOL Better to find that out sooner than later tho.

And that's the problem with manic chicks, if they mask it well, you can easily mistake the underlying problem for a HIGH interest level in you and her having multiple and well developed interests beyond the mundane.

Credit to Wikipedia:

Mania is a severe medical condition characterized by extremely elevated mood, energy, and unusual thought patterns. There are several possible causes for mania, but it is most often associated with bipolar disorder, where episodes of mania may cyclically alternate with episodes of clinical depression. Though the elevated mood and energy level typical of mania could be seen as a benefit, mania generally has many undesirable consequences and has the potential to be very destructive. Classic symptoms include rapid speech, racing thoughts, decreased need for sleep, hypersexuality, euphoria, grandiosity, irritability, and increased interest in goal-directed activities. Mild forms of mania, known as hypomania, cause little or no impairment; more severe forms of mania do cause impairment and may even feature grandiose delusions or hallucinations. In the most extreme cases, manic patients may need to be hospitalized to protect themselves and others. Mania and hypomania have also been associated with creativity and artistic talent.

A mnemonic used to remember the symptoms of mania is DIGFAST:

D = Distractibility
I = Indiscretion
G = Grandiosity
F = Flight of ideas
A = Activity increased
S = Sleep (decreased need for)
T = Talkativeness (pressured speech)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manic

 

[SoldMySoul]

Even though I have always valued Francisco's input, Joekerr, you can bet what you just said is on my mind heavily. OVERLY like you stated is what is key and as bad as I want to believe otherwise, this woman I feel eats, $hits and sleeps dance and she talks about it way too much. Like I said, almost bragging about it. I give it to her, she really can dance, but really the dancing should speak for itself instead of her rambling about it so much. I like sex and I am good at it, wonder if I talked about that all the time would she feel like I do??? That is what I really want to say to her when she is talking about dancing. Screw dancing, lets f&*K!!! I am being patient right now, maybe she will open up with more thoughts, but Joekerr, I am pretty sure I will see exactly what you said in her.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Are you guys like actually looking for things that could be labeled faults in women? I mean if it's there, it's there. But c'mon, it's only the first or second date and you're labeling them manic? If a guy does it, it's out of nervousness but if it's a woman it's a psychological malady?

 

[Bonhomme]

Normally I'd be thinking "great, I can just let her jabber on, and don't have to say anything." And I'm with Francisco in that I'd rather listen to someone who has something going on, even if they come across as self-absorbed. But then, I've also known a few people who just steamroll any conversation, and nobody else can get in a bloody word edgewise...

Once had the dubious pleasure of being at a reception with 2 such people in the group ... another friend said something to the effect of "with X and Y here, looks like we'll just be nodding our heads all afternoon..."

 

[SoldMySoul]

I wouldn't say that I am looking for faults, but I am guarded I guess. This women really seems to have much going for her and just kind of watching to make sure that it is not a cover for issues and you are correct it is early on. Like I said, I am definitely going to see where it goes. Joekerr really seemed to have been on the date with me because he mentioned how it was. It is weird for me because I think her personality is somewhat like mine. I surely don't have "Nexting" her on my mind now. But she TALKS a lot!!! I guess one thing about it is that I will find out everything I want to know about her while still being a mystery to her.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Here's a couple of things to try, instead of being guarded be observant. Take it all in without making any judgement calls on what she says (we all know that women can say one thing and do something completely different). This is one way that you can get to know her; and trust me, if she has issues they will come up in no uncertain terms. You won't need to wonder if it's an issue or not, it will be readily apparent.

Next, here's a way to see just how much she's into you. Next time you're out talking (yes you'll need to talk too), change the pace and volume of your speech. Slow down and tone down and see if she follows your lead, you've heard of the mirroring technique right?

Another way to control who talks during the conversation is for you to play with the salt shaker whenever you are talking. When you are done with what you are saying, push it over to her and watch whether she follows your lead again. If you're in sync, she'll play with it while she is talking and will pass it back to you when she is done.

This little game also eases the nervousness by putting excess energy into the salt shaker. It seems silly but I've used it and have had other people use it successfully.

 

[SoldMySoul]

That is too funny!!! I am definitely going to try that!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see what happens with this. Never heard of doing that, but seems very logical along with mirroring.

 

[jophil28]

No COMPLAINING or`WHINING ??? You sure that you were on a date with an earth woman ??
Never heard`of such a thing as` a non blaming woman ' Gee does she have a sister for me ?
HEY ,if you wanna delete her gimma a shot . I am a trained b/room dancer. !!

Why not go to group class with her - you will get big points with her AND you get to check out all those hot and fit babes who dance Ballroom.

 

[jophil28]

Oh By the way - there`is an old saying in the dance business.

"Dancing,for women, is FOREPLAY"

You wanna Fvck a lot of women ? Get along to Arthur Murray !!`

Too true !!

 

[Hitman10000]

What was funny after the date, she asked several times did she meet my approval and was it worth the ride for the date. Which leads me to believe her personal life is lacking and she uses her activities to try and build her esteem up.

Sounds like you got your answer to the reasoning why this woman was babbling about. She could be nervous and quite possibly hasn't had a date in a long while.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That is too funny!!! I am definitely going to try that!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see what happens with this. Never heard of doing that, but seems very logical along with mirroring.

I usually charge for a tip like that but needless to say, little things like this can help bring forth the true nature of a person.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Oh By the way - there`is an old saying in the dance business.

"Dancing,for women, is FOREPLAY"

You wanna Fvck a lot of women ? Get along to Arthur Murray !!`

Too true !!

Extremely true. A guy who enjoys dancing shows confidence, approachability and a general openness that women find attractive; especially if it's a Latin dance.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Why not go to group class with her - you will get big points with her AND you get to check out all those hot and fit babes who dance Ballroom.

Way ahead of you on this one! Saturday night that is what I am doing with her, but before that I am spending all day with her. Before I turn my nose up at dancing, I am at least going to give it a try. You better believe that I thought about all the women I could look at while she was on the floor dancing!!! I am kind of looking forward to this and it seems what started as a negative will end in a positive.

Sounds like you got your answer to the reasoning why this woman was babbling about. She could be nervous and quite possibly hasn't had a date in a long while.

I found out last night It had been several months since she was on a date not to mention she also shared that she has never felt love in return.

I appreciate everyone's input and I am interested in this one, but I need to take it slow because she seems like one of those kind.