Hello fellow DJs, first post in my life here, and you can guess the topic 
.
It is not going to be a short post (it is ****ing long), as I would like not to forget any detail so your advice and help can be the most accurate possible. Any help, advice and/or life lesson you can give me would be greatly appreciated.
For the one-liner responses of "read this, read that", I have read most of the articles in therationalmale.com and the book, shark's blog (solvemygirlproblems.com, pretty good content even though I disagree with some of his approaches), parts of Heartiste and actively browsed SoSuave forums for few months already and have read parts of the DJ Bible (and yes, I still beta-backslide...). Allow me to say that it is ****ing though to swallow the red-pill, and even more to put in practice what you learn.
A little bit about myself: 31yo, in good shape, average looking, pretty much successful and confident in all the areas of my life (good work, personal projects, very good friends and starting my own business soon) besides relationship wise, were I am confident before getting the girl and in the initial dates, and afterwards if it develops in a relationship I usually beta-backslide.
So, to the point: I came out of a short relationship with a 24yo girl (not a LTR, 4 months long) a month and a half ago, it was a really intense one and we really felt for each other pretty fast (probably too fast, I should have taken that as a red flag). The relation was good and fulfilling for most of it, but the girl probably was not in the best period of her life (lots of study pressure, the loss of a close relative). Sex was AMAZING, with ****ing capital letters.
At some point in the last month, and pretty sure due to my beta-backsliding, I started to feel a loss of interest on her side, her being cold and distant some times and going back to hot other days, or in the same day. Of course, in the midst of my beta-backsliding, I tried to do what every beta would have done: try to pay more attention to her, try to spend more time with her, ask her if there was any problem, etc, etc (I know, my mistake). And of course, what had to happen happened, she said she needed some time and that she was not sure if she wanted a relationship right now or to be single (and yes, even if I don't know at all, I am very aware that she could have been starting to search for a "new castle"). So after the talk, and me trying to reason with her that we could make it work if we both would put some effort the next day in another talk face to face (I know, love and attraction cannot be negotiated), I accepted it and wished her good luck.
Here is where it gets tricky. The first two weeks after break-up she kept communicating with me through text and we met twice, once initiated by her and one by me. Both times we made out and there was a lot of physical contact and even some foreplay (no sex though). Then, she declined my next invitation to catch up after few days, so we didn't met or talk at all for three weeks. Last week, she wrote me twice out of the blue asking how was life and some other stuff, so I suggested her to catch up. She agreed and we met, and again we made out and there was quite a good amount of physical contact. But still, she keeps saying she wants to be single for the moment and that she doesn't see herself in a relationship but that she enjoys the time we spend together.
I don't believe in being friends with an ex, so I told her today that we shouldn't meet anymore as I don't see her only as a friend and that she can contact me if she changes her mind at some point.
Now, the main problem here is that I still love her and I have developed some ONEitis for her (because of the short but very intense relationship, the amazing sex and lack of closure it's my bet), and it is difficult to keep her out of my mind. Yes, I am spinning some plates, had 3 dates in the last 2 weeks, second date tomorrow with one of last week's dates (at my place this time, fingers crossed ;P) and another new date on Wednesday. Still it doesn't help, or at least not for the moment, to stop thinking about her or to stop wanting to get back with her.
My questions are:
What's is your overall opinion of the situation, is it salvageable to some extent, or nothing to do?
Is she trying to string me along, or there is attraction left (given her actions, not her words)?
Should I keep the communication open and meet her again from time to time, as she seems open to it, or should I let her go for good?
I know that it is always better to invest effort in a new relation than to salvage an old one, but keep in mind my aim here is to get back with her if possible at all.
Thank you very much.
.It is not going to be a short post (it is ****ing long), as I would like not to forget any detail so your advice and help can be the most accurate possible. Any help, advice and/or life lesson you can give me would be greatly appreciated.
For the one-liner responses of "read this, read that", I have read most of the articles in therationalmale.com and the book, shark's blog (solvemygirlproblems.com, pretty good content even though I disagree with some of his approaches), parts of Heartiste and actively browsed SoSuave forums for few months already and have read parts of the DJ Bible (and yes, I still beta-backslide...). Allow me to say that it is ****ing though to swallow the red-pill, and even more to put in practice what you learn.
A little bit about myself: 31yo, in good shape, average looking, pretty much successful and confident in all the areas of my life (good work, personal projects, very good friends and starting my own business soon) besides relationship wise, were I am confident before getting the girl and in the initial dates, and afterwards if it develops in a relationship I usually beta-backslide.
So, to the point: I came out of a short relationship with a 24yo girl (not a LTR, 4 months long) a month and a half ago, it was a really intense one and we really felt for each other pretty fast (probably too fast, I should have taken that as a red flag). The relation was good and fulfilling for most of it, but the girl probably was not in the best period of her life (lots of study pressure, the loss of a close relative). Sex was AMAZING, with ****ing capital letters.
At some point in the last month, and pretty sure due to my beta-backsliding, I started to feel a loss of interest on her side, her being cold and distant some times and going back to hot other days, or in the same day. Of course, in the midst of my beta-backsliding, I tried to do what every beta would have done: try to pay more attention to her, try to spend more time with her, ask her if there was any problem, etc, etc (I know, my mistake). And of course, what had to happen happened, she said she needed some time and that she was not sure if she wanted a relationship right now or to be single (and yes, even if I don't know at all, I am very aware that she could have been starting to search for a "new castle"). So after the talk, and me trying to reason with her that we could make it work if we both would put some effort the next day in another talk face to face (I know, love and attraction cannot be negotiated), I accepted it and wished her good luck.
Here is where it gets tricky. The first two weeks after break-up she kept communicating with me through text and we met twice, once initiated by her and one by me. Both times we made out and there was a lot of physical contact and even some foreplay (no sex though). Then, she declined my next invitation to catch up after few days, so we didn't met or talk at all for three weeks. Last week, she wrote me twice out of the blue asking how was life and some other stuff, so I suggested her to catch up. She agreed and we met, and again we made out and there was quite a good amount of physical contact. But still, she keeps saying she wants to be single for the moment and that she doesn't see herself in a relationship but that she enjoys the time we spend together.
I don't believe in being friends with an ex, so I told her today that we shouldn't meet anymore as I don't see her only as a friend and that she can contact me if she changes her mind at some point.
Now, the main problem here is that I still love her and I have developed some ONEitis for her (because of the short but very intense relationship, the amazing sex and lack of closure it's my bet), and it is difficult to keep her out of my mind. Yes, I am spinning some plates, had 3 dates in the last 2 weeks, second date tomorrow with one of last week's dates (at my place this time, fingers crossed ;P) and another new date on Wednesday. Still it doesn't help, or at least not for the moment, to stop thinking about her or to stop wanting to get back with her.
My questions are:
What's is your overall opinion of the situation, is it salvageable to some extent, or nothing to do?
Is she trying to string me along, or there is attraction left (given her actions, not her words)?
Should I keep the communication open and meet her again from time to time, as she seems open to it, or should I let her go for good?
I know that it is always better to invest effort in a new relation than to salvage an old one, but keep in mind my aim here is to get back with her if possible at all.
Thank you very much.
