Seeking Advice About Level of Honesty with Multiple Women

[Mister Big]

I am going through a rough spot with one woman I am dating and need some advice about a reoccuring problem. When you don't discuss relationship rules (exclusivity and sex with others, etc.), I find that serious miscommunications occur. This woman believed that our relationship was exclusive although we never discussed it. I admit to being cryptic and avoiding the subject which seems to be an approach suggested here.

She never really brought it up, but I did know how she felt about it. Isn't it her job to engage me on this subject? Her expectations and mine are very far apart, so she will get nexted regardless. I want to avoid this in the future. I am recently separated and am not ready for anything serious. For the next year, I am committed to buiding myself up as a successful DJ. So far its working well.

I am curious to the opinion here on whether to be very honest and upfront before you sleep with them. When and how you do this seems more than ackward. This also seems extreme because many women will avoid you if they know you are continuing to have sex with others, but won't ask for at least a few months. Telling them early on would eliminate this problem along with alot of dates though.

I have a lot of options, so one leaving the harem isn't a problem. Does this become easier to handle over time? How and when do you get it out in the open if at all?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

First and foremost, don't take any advice as the gospel without fully considering how it will effect your specific situation. Even though it's good advice, sometimes it will only take you so far or worse yet, you may misinterpret the actual meaning and get yourself in a bad situation.

It sounds as if you are in that situation now. You said that you admit to being cryptic and avoiding the subject which was an approach suggested here. Although this could work in some situations, yours really isn't the case. That is why you are in this situation with a woman who assumed one thing because YOU didn't say otherwise.

My suggestion is to tell her the truth believe it or not. I'm big on not offering false expectations. Now this not mean that you tell them your entire game plan. In your case you are coming off of a LTR and right now you are taking the time to let go of the past and meet fun and interesting people. Simple as that.

You aren't saying that you are sleeping around but you definitely let the person know that you are "meeting" other people. Frankly, if she asks, it's not any of her business what you do with these other people. She wouldn't want you to talk about HER to other people behind her back, now would she?

So go ahead, keep a few 'friends' in your stable. Just be sure to get around to riding all of your fillies so that none would become too jealous from being neglected. Keep them in a good rotation and you shouldn't have any problems.

 

[NewMan]

This woman believed that our relationship was exclusive although we never discussed it. I admit to being cryptic and avoiding the subject which seems to be an approach suggested here.

She never really brought it up, but I did know how she felt about it.

Which means she communicated her wished to you - and you avoid the subject all together - and if you gave any answers they were criptic.

My personal feelings on this is - that a MAN will communicate his intent to a woman - no matter what the result is. Only someone who is fearfull of losing that woman will lie or not tell her exactly what he wants ou of it.

For me part of being a DJ is being honest with the person.

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by NewMan
Which means she communicated her wished to you - and you avoid the subject all together - and if you gave any answers they were criptic.

My personal feelings on this is - that a MAN will communicate his intent to a woman - no matter what the result is. Only someone who is fearfull of losing that woman will lie or not tell her exactly what he wants ou of it.

For me part of being a DJ is being honest with the person.

Perfect advice. To be fair, I have motivated some conversations about our relationship, but she always seemed uncomfortable probably due to my dating other women. I knew that I would loose her and she was one of the first women I seduced. I am still getting in the groove of the DJ approach. The moderate successes I've had and the aggressiveness of some of the women have made it difficult. I have acute perception skills, so I usually know right away when a woman falls for me and makes a commitment even if unstated. I have avoided communicating my intent to date around to prolong the unavoidable conflict which is dishonest and manipulative for all the reasons you mentioned.

Honesty is the key here. Once I sense this situation again, I will bring it up and put it out on the table. I think that having a bit of a script in explaining my intentions is a good idea, so I don't put my foot in my mouth and blow it. If my being with other women is too much for some women, I'd rather them move on, so we can both be happy.

 

[Mister Big]

I am going in person to break up with this one tomorrow night. We talked on the phone last night and she said she felt misled by me. Although I didn't lie to her, I knew that she felt we were committed lately. Its hard to slow down a woman's emotions when she responds so quickly and deeply to your DJ skills. The power becomes addictive but this is not the goal.

Pacing is a major issue for me. I need to limit their expectations when we have sex so that they don't progress to high emotions where they will feel betrayed. Some women will no matter what, but most reasonable women will keep their hearts in check like I protect mine. When I sweep them off their feet, they think I am the one. For me right now, I can't be with just one.

I will be very honest the next time I get in this situation. I feel sad she is hurt (a bit of AFC, I know). I could have avoided this early on by communicating more. I don't think she would have slept with me after the initial hookup if she knew the rules, but who knows. We had several very nice weekends, but now is not a good time for me. Memories.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'm telling you that the best way to manage them (keep them in check) is not to be so available to them. At best see them once a week or no more than twice if it's a special occasion. Also, never give them on a specific day on your calendar. The whole thing is not to regularly incorporate them into your life.

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
I'm telling you that the best way to manage them (keep them in check) is not to be so available to them. At best see them once a week or no more than twice if it's a special occasion. Also, never give them on a specific day on your calendar. The whole thing is not to regularly incorporate them into your life.

This is so true. The one women I have broken the above rule with is my problem. I like her the best, but not enough to commit to a LTR. Three others are getting the "Francisco" approach. They don't rock the boat because I don't make myself available unless its something special. To sum up. The simplest and best way to gain and manage multiple women is to approach them, qualify yourself, seduce them, be very honest with your situation, and if they stay avoid incorporating them into your life on a frequent basis until one qualifies as a LTR.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Mister Big
This is so true. The one women I have broken the above rule with is my problem. I like her the best, but not enough to commit to a LTR. Three others are getting the "Francisco" approach. They don't rock the boat because I don't make myself available unless its something special. To sum up. The simplest and best way to gain and manage multiple women is to approach them, qualify yourself, seduce them, be very honest with your situation, and if they stay avoid incorporating them into your life on a frequent basis until one qualifies as a LTR.

I couldn't have said it any better...

 

[Lost In Translation]

great posts


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[sycarrera]

Excellent thread. I'm going through a very similar situation and this discussion was very helpful.

 

[DrDope]

Interesting thread and relevant. Over the Memorial Day weekend, I had not one, not two, but three women request that I not have sex with anyone else. The worst part is that the one that I like the most wants to have it both ways--exclusive sexual relationship but not a girlfriend. So I had some fast talking to do.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by DrDope
Interesting thread and relevant. Over the Memorial Day weekend, I had not one, not two, but three women request that I not have sex with anyone else. The worst part is that the one that I like the most wants to have it both ways--exclusive sexual relationship but not a girlfriend. So I had some fast talking to do.

Here's something to consider: THEY WERE REQUESTS! People request things all the time; do they always get what they want?

And for the one that you like most, tell her that she's delusional if she wants an exclusive fvck buddy. Tell her that she's full of herself.

 

[iveyleeger]

So you guys don't think you can make f-buddy's exclusive?

I was just about to propose this to someone. I want to know she is clean, and keep her that way. But I have my sights on other women, too. I want to build a rotation that takes care of my needs and doesn't carry any risks healthwise.

In my limited experience, if you do things right, women get attached and don't want other guys anyway, so it should be possible as long as I keep their IL up, right? Or no?

Note: These are not dimes. More like 5's.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by iveyleeger
I want to know she is clean, and keep her that way. But I have my sights on other women, too. I want to build a rotation that takes care of my needs and doesn't carry any risks healthwise.

You've got to be kidding.... Why don't you just wear a Jimmy?

 

[iveyleeger]

Not kidding. Condoms offer extremely limited protection.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

And you think you'd have a better chance of protections by asking each of the women to be monogamous with only you? Your chances are better with the condom.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
And you think you'd have a better chance of protections by asking each of the women to be monogamous with only you? Your chances are better with the condom.

Chances are always better with the condom than withoout it.
And the chances of protection are much better with a monogamous (at least temporarily) woman than with some *hore.
Isn't it obvious?

Besides you will not put any protection in her mouth anyway: how do you guys deal with it? If you know she likely sleeps around, you just have sex with her but dont kiss?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
Chances are always better with the condom than withoout it.
And the chances of protection are much better with a monogamous (at least temporarily) woman than with some *hore.
Isn't it obvious?

Besides you will not put any protection in her mouth anyway: how do you guys deal with it? If you know she likely sleeps around, you just have sex with her but dont kiss?

What are the chances of this guy seeing all of the women he would like AND having them all be monogamous with him? You guys have a really interesting concept of what's possible.

 

[Lost In Translation]

Francisco d'Anconia
What are the chances of this guy seeing all of the women he would like AND having them all be monogamous with him? You guys have a really interesting concept of what's possible.

yeah they sure do have high hopes lmao

is your name tattoo ? are you seeing planes ? because i swear to God you are living on Fantasy Island ! - Doug in movie : A Night At The Roxbury


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[Mister Big]

Update on Nexting the Girl!

Originally posted by iveyleeger
So you guys don't think you can make f-buddy's exclusive?

I was just about to propose this to someone.

Here's an update. I thought it was over with this woman that I've mentioned. She was emotional about exclusivity, so I decided to next her. I responded with an email that gave her my perfect response to the situation: she's great, i am not looking for something serious for many understandable reasons, i respect that she wants more, i want her to be happy, so she should move on to other people. Guess what?

She now wants to be casual because she realizes that she had such a great time with me and spending some time with a great guy is better than nothing. She's been in the dating scene for awhile so meeting even a burgening DJ is pretty impressive to her. She rushed thing emotional for herself initially, but I didn't help control this issue.

I am not sure if this is a great idea because she definitely flaked about the situation earlier, but she might be able to handle it. Admittedly, this was mostly due to my lack of honesty which was more ackwardness than intentional. If she can deal with my dating/sleeping with other women, she could be an ultimate f-buddy. My first in a long time. She is pretty hot 7.5, great in bed, and we really get along great. My only concern is the strength of her prior feelings and its impact in the future.

What is the concensus here? Is this too good to be true and does this ever work out? I can't seem to find the downside. If she flakes for any reason, I just next her. Being f-buddies doesn't afford much emotional investment.