Seeing Women in a different light

slaog

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I was just thinking back to some of the dates I've had in the past 18 months. Most of the time I got rejected and I really liked the girls but looking back I'm happy because some of those girls who rejected me, I'd class as not being good enough for me now. It feels like I've dodged a bullet now even though it felt terrible when it happened.


It feels great seeing them for what they were rather then putting them on a pedestal and being blinded by AFCness. Not that I'm suddenly a DJ now but I'm on the right path.


Anybody ever have similar feelings or relief when looking back at dodgy with who you had oneitis for?
 

reset

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When you have oneitis with a girl who is not right for you, you make excuses for her poor behavior and try to rationalize why she's the right one and how the two of you can make it work. That's when you're in the heat of the moment.

Ultimately you learn from that when you get a little distance and you can see how she wasn't compatible with you. Then it becomes a learning experience and she's another girl you can use to provide contrast between the current girl. This gives you experience and awareness and makes it more likely that you will be a better qualifier, and as you become a better qualifier, chicks pick up on this and can be even more attracted to you because she can tell what she may usually pull on other guys isn't going to work on you. You become a challenge and she can fall hard.

And all this because you learned the lessons of the previous girls.
 

jdon23

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Oneitis is so damaging to the growth of any man. It is a curse, but it can be used as valuable experience. I had such SEVERE oneitis for this one girl that I turned away from my friends, my family, and made her a priority in my life. Disgusting, I know. My failure with this woman made me strong enough to realize that I needed to change.

Now when I look back I THANK god that I'm not with this girl. I am so thankful because I have met so many people who I am way more compatabile with. 'Dodging a bullet' is such a good metaphor because if I STILL was with this girl, I'm pretty sure my body/mind/spirit would be tattered beyond repair.
 
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NewMan

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7 yrs ago I was living with what I thought was the most amazing woman.

Long story short, we broke up (i didn't want to buy the ring) - she got married 12 months later. 7 yrs on, she has a kid and still is calling me - but apparently is very happy.

Yeah, I dodged a bullet.
 

stonedface

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Are you guys ALWAYS able to get another girl down the road who is better than your oneitis? Because I do.

However, whenever I am comtemplating whether to give up on the oneitis of the moment, I always have thoughts like "What if I can't get another girl like her?" or "What if I can't get another gal better than her?". And this is what keeps me from doing the inevitable(ie to give up).

Comments?
 

STR8UP

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stonedface said:
Are you guys ALWAYS able to get another girl down the road who is better than your oneitis? Because I do.
Everyone needs to read this 100 times forward AND backward.

This just goes to show that "quality" is more your perception at any given time than anything else.

In other words, if you have "an amazing woman" your ego investment will cause you to shout it from the rooftops. As soon as she dumps you for her coworker, you will be very quick to retract your original assessment.
 

MacAvoy

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stonedface said:
Are you guys ALWAYS able to get another girl down the road who is better than your oneitis? Because I do.

STR8UP said:
Everyone needs to read this 100 times forward AND backward.

This just goes to show that "quality" is more your perception at any given time than anything else.
That's the thing though, oneitis isn't logical. Even now that I'm separated by years with my oneitis, I know I can get plenty more quality women but my oneitis is still illogical. I even left a very HQ women in the past because I thought I had a chance with my oneitis.

The fact is, I probably threw away the best women I ever had because of my oneitis. The sad part is, it could probably happen again. Even knowing everything I know. I seriously doubt it would happen, but I don't deny the possibility.

I can't explain it, its completely illogical. However I agree that it all has to do with perception. I've created a BS perception of her and I've never completely killed that perception even though I don't allow that perception to affect my reality.
 
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