Seeing a girl after she cancels your date

[SH03C]

I recently asked out of the personal trainers at my gym last week. Long story short, we exchanged numbers and she appeared to be genuinely interested in going out however I feel I may have given her too much attention prior to the date and she pulled out.

Timeline: I asked her out in person on Monday, she said sure and put her number in my phone.

Tuesday: I texted her and asked about the weekend, she said she wasn’t able to do Saturday but asked if my Sunday was open. Appeared to be interested in making plans here.

Wednesday: Saw her at the gym, make eye contact from afar however didn’t approach her.

Thursday: Sent her a text asking how her day was, she replied back a few hours later. Got the vibe that she wasn’t into the small talk.

Friday: Didn’t see her, no contact.

Saturday: Saw her at the gym, made eye contact. Approached her at the end of my session. Made casual conversation asking her how her Friday night was, said I was looking forward to a cheat meal the next day, which was also our planned date. Short interaction here. 10 minutes after leaving the gym she sent me a text saying “Hey Matt I’m really sorry but I’ve actually been seeing someone and it’s starting to get a little more serious so unfortunately I think I should cancel. I’m sorry! “..,. I didn’t respond.

—- So today i’ll be seeing her at the gym later. Should I make eye contact? Should I not acknowledge her? How would you handle?

Lastly, do you believe she just lost interest or could her reasoning for cancelling be truthful?

To clarify, this girl is a personal trainer and a 10/10.. I haven’t been on a date in about 4 years but so naturally I expected some bumps along the way..

 

[Who Dares Win]

Ok here we get her actions that clearly show low interest plus this very straight line "Hey Matt I’m really sorry but I’ve actually been seeing someone and it’s starting to get a little more serious so unfortunately I think I should cancel. I’m sorry!" which confirms it.

The reason she changed her mind could be countless things but in my opinion that shouldnt be something to lose your sleep on.

In your place I would simply keep it friendly without getting too close with her, dont show yourself as being butthurt and surely dont try to push her to reconsider.

She is not interested plus she is there in a place you usually attend therefore you have to be extra careful.

"I understand your situation and I respect it" could be a good exit line to solve this situation wheter her situation is real or made.

 

[SH03C]

Ok here we get her actions that clearly show low interest plus this very straight line "Hey Matt I’m really sorry but I’ve actually been seeing someone and it’s starting to get a little more serious so unfortunately I think I should cancel. I’m sorry!" which confirms it.

The reason she changed her mind could be countless things but in my opinion that shouldnt be something to lose your sleep on.

In your place I would simply keep it friendly without getting too close with her, dont show yourself as being butthurt and surely dont try to push her to reconsider.

She is not interested plus she is there in a place you usually attend therefore you have to be extra careful.

"I understand your situation and I respect it" could be a good exit line to solve this situation wheter her situation is real or made.

Thanks for the perspective. Clearly i'm rusty, it's been sometime since i've been on a date. Do you believe my approach was too aggressive? At the very least i'd like to learn something from this experience.

Much appreciated.

 

[SH03C]

I recently asked out of the personal trainers at my gym last week. Long story short, we exchanged numbers and she appeared to be genuinely interested in going out however I feel I may have given her too much attention prior to the date and she pulled out.

Timeline: I asked her out in person on Monday, she said sure and put her number in my phone.

Tuesday: I texted her and asked about the weekend, she said she wasn’t able to do Saturday but asked if my Sunday was open. Appeared to be interested in making plans here.

Wednesday: Saw her at the gym, make eye contact from afar however didn’t approach her. This showed weakness on your part, fear. Lack of strength. Outcome dependent. A simple wave and a smile would have been the way to go here, then carry on doing your thing.

Thursday: Sent her a text asking how her day was, she replied back a few hours later. Got the vibe that she wasn’t into the small talk.No need to contact her, shows thirstiness. Shows you are already pursuing, and consider yourself to have the lower SMV. We have all done it.

Friday: Didn’t see her, no contact.

Saturday: Saw her at the gym, made eye contact. Approached her at the end of my session. Made casual conversation asking her how her Friday night was, said I was looking forward to a cheat meal the next day, which was also our planned date. Short interaction here. 10 minutes after leaving the gym she sent me a text saying “Hey Matt I’m really sorry but I’ve actually been seeing someone and it’s starting to get a little more serious so unfortunately I think I should cancel. I’m sorry! “..,. I didn’t respond. This was a mistake. Now you have made the next interaction uncomfortable. There are several reasons she may have flaked :
1. Not interested
2. Seeing someone, doubtful but possible.
3. Sensed your weakness and lost interest.
4. It was a test to see your reaction. Your strength and your mindset. A man with an abundant mindset, who has lots of options (or wants to appear he does) would have said "No worries". A man with few options would have reacted the way you did.

—- So today i’ll be seeing her at the gym later. Should I make eye contact? Should I not acknowledge her? How would you handle? I would walk in to DO MY WORKOUT (that IS why you are there) and carry on. If you see her, and make eye contact, a simple wave will suffice then back to your workout. Don't approach her - there is no reason to. If she approaches you, and starts "explaining", listen patiently, then smile and say "Not a big deal, let me know if it doesn't work out" and carry on with your workout.

The KEY is an attitude of INDIFFERENCE.

SHE WILL SPEND THE REST OF HER DAY WONDERING WHY IT DIDN'T BOTHER YOU, AND WHAT SHE IS MISSING...….

Lastly, do you believe she just lost interest or could her reasoning for cancelling be truthful? Read my four reasons above...….plus there could be 10,000 more.....on the rag, not interested, family issues, health issues, etc. You have done what you can, carry on focusin on you.

To clarify, this girl is a personal trainer and a 10/10.. I haven’t been on a date in about 4 years but so naturally I expected some bumps along the way.. And you will have them.

Learn indifference.

Great response. Thanks for the upbeat attitude!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I recently asked out of the personal trainers at my gym last week. Long story short, we exchanged numbers and she appeared to be genuinely interested in going out however I feel I may have given her too much attention prior to the date and she pulled out.

Timeline: I asked her out in person on Monday, she said sure and put her number in my phone.

Tuesday: I texted her and asked about the weekend, she said she wasn’t able to do Saturday but asked if my Sunday was open. Appeared to be interested in making plans here.

Wednesday: Saw her at the gym, make eye contact from afar however didn’t approach her.

Thursday: Sent her a text asking how her day was, she replied back a few hours later. Got the vibe that she wasn’t into the small talk.

Friday: Didn’t see her, no contact.

Saturday: Saw her at the gym, made eye contact. Approached her at the end of my session. Made casual conversation asking her how her Friday night was, said I was looking forward to a cheat meal the next day, which was also our planned date. Short interaction here. 10 minutes after leaving the gym she sent me a text saying “Hey Matt I’m really sorry but I’ve actually been seeing someone and it’s starting to get a little more serious so unfortunately I think I should cancel. I’m sorry! “..,. I didn’t respond.

—- So today i’ll be seeing her at the gym later. Should I make eye contact? Should I not acknowledge her? How would you handle?

Lastly, do you believe she just lost interest or could her reasoning for cancelling be truthful?

To clarify, this girl is a personal trainer and a 10/10.. I haven’t been on a date in about 4 years but so naturally I expected some bumps along the way..

Get off that 10/10 crap

 

[SH03C]

The mistake was what happened between Wednesday and Thursday. You avoided the tension of interacting with her in person and texted her instead. This is socially awkward and shows weakness.

You would have recommended approaching her on Wednesday? After approaching in person on Monday to ask for the date and then texting on Tuesday to setup the date I felt it would have been a bit aggressive or appear needy to initiative anything on Wednesday for the 3rd consecutive day..

 

[AttackFormation]

The mistake was what happened between Wednesday and Thursday. You avoided the tension of interacting with her in person and texted her instead. This is socially awkward and shows weakness.

I think these sorts of things are a symptom of lukewarm or low interest in the first place. If he really got an inviting vibe from the girl before and they had good chemistry, he wouldn't even be thinking about whether, when or how to talk to her so as to appear or not appear as whatever. They would just keep talking when they saw each other. My money is on this nitpicking being a symptom, not a cause, but I could be off I suppose. I just have never had to do these kinds of mental gymnastics with girls who I ever got anywhere with.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I've actually been in his situation before. A girl gave me a sign and I texted her later instead of interacting with her. She ended up flaking. Months later she told me her and her friends thought I was socially awkward because I would be mysterious in person yet text them.

In truth I was trying to avoid the tension of interacting with them. I was weak and insecure despite strong signs of interest. I was afraid of coming across as needy just like the op.

But my fear of coming across as needy manifested itself anyway. What I learned from that lesson was women never reward you for avoiding the tension of face to face contact.

So it's not always as simplistic as high interest vs low interest. Sometimes the guy has real issues and the op seems to be that kind of guy which is why I am able to relate to him.

Unrequited love. Oneotis. Working from an angry mindset.

 

[sangheilios]

I've approached women at the gym quite a few times over the past couple years and almost every single experience with them ended up becoming very awkward situations for both of us. This really can be a dicey situation, as you both most likely go there on at least semi regular basis and will be seeing each other for months or longer.

Every initial approach I had made actually went very well, so that wasn't the issue, but the aftermath was what created the awkwardness.

The first woman I approached was a gorgeous latina with an amazing ass, you had to see it to believe it. When she first started going there tons of guys approached her but she shot them all down. I waited a while before approaching her, and when I did she was very warm and open with me. We spoke for about 10 minutes before I let her get back to her workout, I personally feel this is the best way to approach initially as it breaks the ice and by seeing how she responds when you see her next is when you can gauge potential interest. I saw her there a few days later when I was stretching and she purposefully positioned herself near to me, so when I approached her she was very excited. We spoke for a bit, she mentions she had no plans later but when I asked her out she admitted to having a boyfriend, to which I responded by saying if she was single for her to let me know. She'd continue to engage with me over the next couple months and ended up asking me out 2 months later by saying she was free later and asking me if I was. I made my move and she then says that she had to mention she was still seeing her boyfriend but stood there smiling. I didn't want to get involved with that so I walked away, after that it got really awkward and she discontinued speaking with me and acted like I didn't exist.

I had an incident last fall where I approached another hot latina at my gym who upon initial approach was very warm and open with me. I played the same tactic by letting her get back to her workout and wait to see what she'd do the next time I see her. I saw her a couple days later and she waves and comes over to talk to me when she sees me. We talk for a bit and I asked her what she liked to do for fun, we discussed hiking and I mentioned a place near where we both lived that she had never been to and she proceeded to ask me if I'd like to go do that with her that evening. We exchange numbers but after she left she said something came up and asked if we could do it another day, something felt off and I never ended up hearing back from her all week. Long story short, it turned into this massive waste of time and energy where she would lead me on at the gym. I found out a couple months later after I stopped talking to her that she did that to tons of guys and went through "bfs" left and right. I thought I was going insane but after hearing all that it explained everything.

This is an environment where you can make something happen but you need to be aware of the women themselves and how to avoid potential drama.

 

[sangheilios]

Sounds like the women there just want "free" attention. Women at the gym get hit on continuously...……………...don't feed them.

Get yourself into kick azz shape and look elsewhere.

I'm already in really good shape. I shared these stories with the OP on here to warn him of the potential complications of trying to meet women at the gym. However, your statement about women at the gym being hit on continuously is not completely true. Very few guys do in fact approach at the gym and the ones who do in fact approach perform it in a very poor manner. Attractive women are approached and propositioned in all sorts of situations, and assuming you should not do so at the gym is just limiting your potential prospects.

This same logic can be applied to women at bars and clubs, they get hit on continuously so because of this you should not approach at all.

However, you are right in that many women, whether that be at a gym or wherever, are indeed looking for free attention. What you should do with meeting women at the gym is filter out the ones who are just attention *****s, and when you do so you can divert your time and energy towards women there who are not like this. The difficult part is learning how to do this, especially in a setting where you are highly likely to run into her again on a regular basis. Until then a man will be spinning his wheels and unnecessarily bring drama into his life and at a place where he should be frequenting for self improvement.

 

[Epic Days]

I made my move and she then says that she had to mention she was still seeing her boyfriend but stood there smiling. I didn't want to get involved with that so I walked away, after that it got really awkward and she discontinued speaking with me and acted like I didn't exist.

This part. It was a masculinity test.
She wanted to know if you would go after what you want.
Personally? I don’t think you will run into a cutie that isnt seeing someone, at least for sex. A single woman? A heifer perhaps.
Boyfriends are like fuzzy slippers. They are useful when her feet are cold but they are better off under the bed. Are you looking to be a boyfriend?

 

[AttackFormation]

I've actually been in his situation before. A girl gave me a sign and I texted her later instead of interacting with her. She ended up flaking. Months later she told me her and her friends thought I was socially awkward because I would be mysterious in person yet text them.

In truth I was trying to avoid the tension of interacting with them. I was weak and insecure despite strong signs of interest. I was afraid of coming across as needy just like the op.

But my fear of coming across as needy manifested itself anyway. What I learned from that lesson was women never reward you for avoiding the tension of face to face contact.

So it's not always as simplistic as high interest vs low interest. Sometimes the guy has real issues and the op seems to be that kind of guy which is why I am able to relate to him.

I agree with what you said here, but I also think if a woman actually liked you she would give you a 2nd chance. If all it takes is some initial nervousness one time for her to drop you, you would probably have stepped on some other mine anyway. But like I said, I also do agree that learning to deal with tension is a step forward.

I'm torn between either saying women are always entertaining at least one and more probably multiple men so if you want to have sex you can't afford these screwups since they don't need to give two sh!ts, or saying if this is enough for her to end it then it wasn't gonna go anywhere anyway.

 

[sangheilios]

This part. It was a masculinity test.
She wanted to know if you would go after what you want.
Personally? I don’t think you will run into a cutie that isnt seeing someone, at least for sex. A single woman? A heifer perhaps.
Boyfriends are like fuzzy slippers. They are useful when her feet are cold but they are better off under the bed. Are you looking to be a boyfriend?

That was about a year and a half ago, and personally if a woman has a boyfriend who acts like that it really isn't in my best interest to get involved with her. I try to minimize the amount of drama and stress that I bring into my life, following through with a situation like that does not align with that mindset.

I shared those examples to help give the OP, and possibly others, some insight into how gym game can play out if you don't properly play it right.

 

[Epic Days]

That was about a year and a half ago, and personally if a woman has a boyfriend who acts like that it really isn't in my best interest to get involved with her. I try to minimize the amount of drama and stress that I bring into my life, following through with a situation like that does not align with that mindset.

I shared those examples to help give the OP, and possibly others, some insight into how gym game can play out if you don't properly play it right.

I understand. I wasn’t beating you up man. It just caught my eye. Yep. She was game.
I was also helping out to show how to play it out.
She didn’t want a second traditional boyfriend. She wanted extra candy.

 

[Epic Days]

When you share a social environment with a woman, avoiding her in person just to send her a random small talk later on isn't just nervousness though. It's legit insecurity/creepy behavior.

You can look at it another way. If he couldn't handle that tension, how can he handle her in a relationship?

Women look at little cues that may lead up to big things. A grown man simply can't be afraid of tension to the point where he plays hide and seek and text her like a girl. It's borderline 15 year old high school behavior. It may seem little to us, but for a woman it really sticks out.

Yeah. This makes more sense now that I think about it.

 

[AttackFormation]

When you share a social environment with a woman, avoiding her in person just to send her a random small talk later on isn't just nervousness though. It's legit insecurity/creepy behavior.

You can look at it another way. If he couldn't handle that tension, how can he handle her in a relationship?

Women look at little cues that may lead up to big things. A grown man simply can't be afraid of tension to the point where he plays hide and seek and text her like a girl. It's borderline 15 year old high school behavior. It may seem little to us, but for a woman it really sticks out.

Yeah I think you've persuaded me now that I go back and read what OP said. You can't make eye contact with a girl but make no warm acknowledgement of her and instead make no gesture and avoid her, then text her later. It comes across as weak. If she really likes you, or she has zero other options (which is never gonna be the case since she's a woman) she might give you a 2nd chance but that's a crutch you don't want to rely on.

 

[sangheilios]

I understand. I wasn’t beating you up man. It just caught my eye. Yep. She was game.
I was also helping out to show how to play it out.
She didn’t want a second traditional boyfriend. She wanted extra candy.

Trust me, I'm quite aware of that. I'm 6'4", an attractive guy and in really good shape/nice body so it makes sense a woman would like that, also when I'm a good guy as well. About a year ago there was this very attractive brunette that goes there with her boyfriend who used to check me out all the time, naturally I just ignored it. However, there was one time when I ran into her at the grocery store next to the gym and she tried to start a conversation with me, again I just ignored it.

Stuff like this is challenging, as I'd gladly go out with them and have sex if they were single. However, if I had a gf I certainly would not want her to be acting like that and would be very hurt if she was going out of her way to encourage a man and have sex with him. Knowing all of this I choose to not follow through with it, actions you take, both good and bad, will always come back to you.

 

[Epic Days]

Alot of hot women do this and no, they don't really have a bf.

It's not really a test. It's more of a false take-away. Like you approach a group of people but you don't want to look like you are lingering so you act like you gotta go soon.

Hot women don't want to look desperate or look like they are over-committing so they'll do a false take-away - while at the same time show you interest. This is their version of "meeting you half way." It's a form of ego protection, just in case you don't really like them.

I don't view anything as a test anymore. How can she test me when I am more dominant than her? She is merely running game/protecting her heart because she doesn't want to look desperate when she's flirting with me.

Most of women's game is some form of ego protection.

Our realities differ. It's cool. Ok, it wasn't a test...but she found out what she needed to know.

 

[Epic Days]

Trust me, I'm quite aware of that. I'm 6'4", an attractive guy and in really good shape/nice body so it makes sense a woman would like that, also when I'm a good guy as well. About a year ago there was this very attractive brunette that goes there with her boyfriend who used to check me out all the time, naturally I just ignored it. However, there was one time when I ran into her at the grocery store next to the gym and she tried to start a conversation with me, again I just ignored it.

Stuff like this is challenging, as I'd gladly go out with them and have sex if they were single. However, if I had a gf I certainly would not want her to be acting like that and would be very hurt if she was going out of her way to encourage a man and have sex with him. Knowing all of this I choose to not follow through with it, actions you take, both good and bad, will always come back to you.

I understand.

 

[Spaz]

Most of women's game is some form of ego protection.

I would like to say it's 101% but let's keep their dignity and says it's 99.99% of the time.