See improvment but can't pinpoint what exactly is wrong

[El Don]

I have always been an AFC and a quiet guy and obviously not very good with girls. A few years later I can definitely see improvements in the way I talk to girls and the way they respond. I talk more now and one of my girl friends pointed that out to me which really boosted my confidence.

Anyway I feel more confident and girls have told me before I am attractive so it can't be that. When I talk I never give girls compliments or anything like that. I feel like I am a nice guy but NOT to the extreme like buying gifts or showering them with compliments and all that. I just don't act like a **** and always joke around with them and try and have fun. I have always read things that there is a difference between being a "good guy" and "nice guy". I thought to myself I must be on the right track to getting to where I want to be but I had 2 of my girl friends that I have known for a while say something that really got me. They said basically they could never picture me talking to a girl and trying to game her or hook up with her.

I have known them for several years so I thought maybe its just because they have always seen me the way I use to be and can't picture me differently but maybe I am not coming off the way I wanted to. I did hook up with my old oneitis and she didn't want anything to do with me back then and now recently she has been all over me.

Is it really not good to always be joking around? should I mix things up? It seemed women would want someone who is fun but I feel sometimes they just see me as the nice guy even though I don't supplicate or beg for their attention. Any help would be appreciated.

 

[snowdog]

What I read from your post is that you're still thinking too much. You gotta just try to let it flow. That's something I have been able to do since a few weeks, and man it feels good. The problem is they probably see you as a guy who tries to be cool. Girls can really tell the difference between being, and trying. Keep in mind that it takes a LOT of effort to change this. I'm not saying it takes a lot of time per sé. If you put a lot of effor in it, it won't even take that long. I like myself as an example, because I really made a f***in' HUGE transformation in less then two years. I think that's really fast. I used to be scared of girls. Now I'm hanging out daily with the hottest ones in class. I haven't been able to date one of them, but I'm confident that will be just a matter of time. And believe me buddy, I went through countless akward situations and got rejected a million times, but that only made me better at it. Remember seeing The Matrix for the first time? The first time it probably blew you away. But by now you've probably seen it so many times that it doesn't bother you so much anymore. Same goes with rejections. Once you stop caring about them, you'll stop being uncomfortable around girls.

Something I found out just recently. You gotta be totally relaxed and nonchelant. Be indifferent to them. Almost treat them like you would treat your buddies. For example, if they say something stupid, point it out and make fun of them. But do it in a playful way, not in a mean way. Be flirty, be fun, but don't be a clown.

Check my journal to see what I've accomplished in one and a half years. You gotta be busy with it every day. Practice practice practice practice. It'll come to you automaticly eventually if you just keep putting effort in it.

Believe me man, you're on the right track. You're doing better then most guys here because you're actually getting out there.

Keep it up, and be patient with yourself and your progress

 

[Interceptor]

I think there's a lack of sexuality, sexual confidence, and masculinity.
Perhaps you need to be more at peace with your sexuality, and sexual desires.
Perhaps you may still have approval seeking body language.
Perhaps they're noticing something about you that is not congruent. So they're doubting your social persona.
Maybe deep down you feel undeserving of female attention.
Maybe you still have feelings of inadequacy.
You may not be supplicating, but they may be picking up something 'false' about you.
Maybe body language, eye contact, tone of voice. Saying things that are not congruent with your personality.

Without seeing you and without any description of your interactions there's no way to see your particular issues.
Maybe you think you're not supplicating, but maybe you're still approval seeking and overly accomodating, perhaps apologetic?

Often when we 'cant pinpoint' a problem it has to do with our personal boundaries.
This means we're not regulating our resources maturely and effectively.

 

[El Don]

Thanks for the advice and help. I think you both are right. I do want to give off a more masculine and sexual drive but its hard to do if you haven't already been able to do so, so it will come off as fake. I'll look into it more though. I appreciate it.

 

[abcd_z]

You're seeing results, right?
Then why worry about what other women say?
Especially ones who are used to the old you. They already have an idea of what you're like, and will be resistant to changing that. It's kind of like why it's not a good idea to chase your oneitis: it's easier to deal with a new woman than it is to change your oneitis' mind about you.
Same thing's happening here. You're letting their perceptions of you throw your game off. Don't worry about it, from the sounds of your post you're doing great. If you have an actual problem with other people's reactions, that's one thing. But something like this? Shouldn't even phase you.