Lovers, haters, whiners, moaners, complainers, and just plain bitches. The world is full of them. People judging people. Looking down, past, up to, around. Throwing imaginary words, insults, compliments, hate...For what reason? Scared? Jealous? Insecurity? Who knows. It's pathetic. It's annoying. It is life. My life. If you thought "Behind the Moderating" was my life, you ain't read nothing yet. Buckle up, grab some water, and be ready...Crazykid: Part 2 is unfolding before your eyes. You'll be amazed at some stuff.
Fuck the haters. The world has enough. Had enough. They will be everywhere though. Everywhere and nowhere. Just like I am. I am a hater at times. Why? People piss me off. I've broken sticks, walls, cans, glass...Everything but steel and bones. I have had the greatest time of my life one minute and puching the ground and yelling out, crying, swearing, adrenaline rushing the next. People have come and gone in my life. Some I don't remember because they weren't important. Others I can never forget, because they changed me. Some more people, friends, I hope. Finally, others, the bugs that won't go away. Each triggering a different emotion. Each luring me towards a different fate, different end...
'Tis was a happier time once, long ago. Back before school, before I joined the rest of the "world" and learned the ways of life. Back when all kids have to worry about is missing thier favorite cartoon. Life was nice back then. Hell was waiting with open arms though. Ready to take me in, make me one of its own. It did a good job. I sit here, tormented. At what? Even I do not know. My mind works furiously, spewing endless streams of words, knowledge, feelings into my body. What are they? Sometimes I know, sometimes I don't. This is what I have become. The old story, from failure to semingly success...Just a small part of my life. A good one, but a small part. I've fought adversity, anger, depression since day 1.
I apparently did "outstanding" on my IQ test when I was younger. I was deemed "gifted." Did I ever take a GT class? No. Did I ever want to? No. Why? I wanted to fit in. Be like everyone else. Make fun of the people taking those classes, doing well. I got 25 on my ACT. So how did I do in my first year of college? I got a 1.45 GPA. Why? I wanted to fit in. Guess what?
FUCK FITTING IN!
I will never grow, never suceed, never rise to my potential fitting in. I hooked up with this one girl last year in college to "fit in." What happened? Heart break and a step back. I got a new girlfriend, been dating for 4 months. She's in Tennessee. I am in Alabama. We are both in college. I just got back today. Went up Friday to see her and stayed until a few hours ago.
I know a lot of you will look at that and go "You went that far to see a girl? You have a girlfriend in college? You are an idiot." To those of you, I say "get your head out of your ass." I don't care what you think. You can call me "AFC," "spineless," "pathetic" or anything else. You know what? It won't hurt me at all. Why? You would get pleasure out of it. Words across a monitor, filled with stupidity. They reach my eyes, my brain...But not my heart.
I have been called it all. Name an insult, I have been called it. Words in life leave marks, scars...Pits. But they never show. Why? The pits are there, they just get filled in. With what? Anger, depression, sadness. To each thier own. To everyone, there is something inside of them. A candle. A wick. The insults bring upon a flame. With each insult, the flame gets brighter, hotter. The wick burns lower. When the wick dies out, the candle explodes in a rage. Rage of what? Depends on the person. There is not just one candle though. It gets replaced each time. Count how many candles you have gone through.
Boy Scouts. Little league. Life Scout. All-Star. Football. Friends. All-County. Words to you. Meaning to me. Each person has moments they treasure, actions they regret, times they wish never ended. Ever notice: Painful moments last forever. Pleasure moments last shortly. I don't just mean your hand on your wank either. I mean moments you want to last. Capre Diem. Sieze the moment. The moment ends. What is siezed? A memory. I think back to earlier. This weekend. AFC, DJ, inbetween? No. Joey. That is who I was. Great boyfriend. That is what I am. Long distance relationships. "They won't work." "She'll go after other guys." "You'll go after other girls." "Blah blah blah." Doubt. The world runs on it. Think back to when you have been doubted. Think how great it was to overcome it.
I have a girlfriend in another state.
Doubt that it'll work. Do it. Laugh at me. Taunt me. Torment me. I can already tell you what I'll say to you when you make a post, PM me yelling at me.
Fuck off. You are not me. You don't control my life. You don't know me. You are another person in the world. Another mass of skin, hair, blood. Go you. People will piss you off. Will you let it get to you?
Choices. The world is full of them, loving it, knowing you're gonna make a choice that will always carry doubt. Think to a choice you have made recently. What was it? What did you decide? What happened? Do I or don't I? How often has the world said this.
You screwed up. How much more has this been said? I am better than you. Seem more familiar? People can talk. People will talk. People always talk. Glasses. Dark sunglasses. I wear them. My eyes are sensitive to light. But they also hide things. Glimmer in your eye. Flick of fire. Wallow of water. Your eyes will give you away. You can control your body, but not your eyes. They will always reveal the real you.
I congratulate anyone that can make sense of what I wrote. Piece it together. You may be confused at first, but time has already revealed the answer to you. You are 1 step closer to solving a puzzle. Of knowing the real me. The following piece falls in due time. Watch the countdown. It has begun.
Fuck the haters. The world has enough. Had enough. They will be everywhere though. Everywhere and nowhere. Just like I am. I am a hater at times. Why? People piss me off. I've broken sticks, walls, cans, glass...Everything but steel and bones. I have had the greatest time of my life one minute and puching the ground and yelling out, crying, swearing, adrenaline rushing the next. People have come and gone in my life. Some I don't remember because they weren't important. Others I can never forget, because they changed me. Some more people, friends, I hope. Finally, others, the bugs that won't go away. Each triggering a different emotion. Each luring me towards a different fate, different end...
'Tis was a happier time once, long ago. Back before school, before I joined the rest of the "world" and learned the ways of life. Back when all kids have to worry about is missing thier favorite cartoon. Life was nice back then. Hell was waiting with open arms though. Ready to take me in, make me one of its own. It did a good job. I sit here, tormented. At what? Even I do not know. My mind works furiously, spewing endless streams of words, knowledge, feelings into my body. What are they? Sometimes I know, sometimes I don't. This is what I have become. The old story, from failure to semingly success...Just a small part of my life. A good one, but a small part. I've fought adversity, anger, depression since day 1.
I apparently did "outstanding" on my IQ test when I was younger. I was deemed "gifted." Did I ever take a GT class? No. Did I ever want to? No. Why? I wanted to fit in. Be like everyone else. Make fun of the people taking those classes, doing well. I got 25 on my ACT. So how did I do in my first year of college? I got a 1.45 GPA. Why? I wanted to fit in. Guess what?
FUCK FITTING IN!
I will never grow, never suceed, never rise to my potential fitting in. I hooked up with this one girl last year in college to "fit in." What happened? Heart break and a step back. I got a new girlfriend, been dating for 4 months. She's in Tennessee. I am in Alabama. We are both in college. I just got back today. Went up Friday to see her and stayed until a few hours ago.
I know a lot of you will look at that and go "You went that far to see a girl? You have a girlfriend in college? You are an idiot." To those of you, I say "get your head out of your ass." I don't care what you think. You can call me "AFC," "spineless," "pathetic" or anything else. You know what? It won't hurt me at all. Why? You would get pleasure out of it. Words across a monitor, filled with stupidity. They reach my eyes, my brain...But not my heart.
I have been called it all. Name an insult, I have been called it. Words in life leave marks, scars...Pits. But they never show. Why? The pits are there, they just get filled in. With what? Anger, depression, sadness. To each thier own. To everyone, there is something inside of them. A candle. A wick. The insults bring upon a flame. With each insult, the flame gets brighter, hotter. The wick burns lower. When the wick dies out, the candle explodes in a rage. Rage of what? Depends on the person. There is not just one candle though. It gets replaced each time. Count how many candles you have gone through.
Boy Scouts. Little league. Life Scout. All-Star. Football. Friends. All-County. Words to you. Meaning to me. Each person has moments they treasure, actions they regret, times they wish never ended. Ever notice: Painful moments last forever. Pleasure moments last shortly. I don't just mean your hand on your wank either. I mean moments you want to last. Capre Diem. Sieze the moment. The moment ends. What is siezed? A memory. I think back to earlier. This weekend. AFC, DJ, inbetween? No. Joey. That is who I was. Great boyfriend. That is what I am. Long distance relationships. "They won't work." "She'll go after other guys." "You'll go after other girls." "Blah blah blah." Doubt. The world runs on it. Think back to when you have been doubted. Think how great it was to overcome it.
I have a girlfriend in another state.
Doubt that it'll work. Do it. Laugh at me. Taunt me. Torment me. I can already tell you what I'll say to you when you make a post, PM me yelling at me.
Fuck off. You are not me. You don't control my life. You don't know me. You are another person in the world. Another mass of skin, hair, blood. Go you. People will piss you off. Will you let it get to you?
Choices. The world is full of them, loving it, knowing you're gonna make a choice that will always carry doubt. Think to a choice you have made recently. What was it? What did you decide? What happened? Do I or don't I? How often has the world said this.
You screwed up. How much more has this been said? I am better than you. Seem more familiar? People can talk. People will talk. People always talk. Glasses. Dark sunglasses. I wear them. My eyes are sensitive to light. But they also hide things. Glimmer in your eye. Flick of fire. Wallow of water. Your eyes will give you away. You can control your body, but not your eyes. They will always reveal the real you.
I congratulate anyone that can make sense of what I wrote. Piece it together. You may be confused at first, but time has already revealed the answer to you. You are 1 step closer to solving a puzzle. Of knowing the real me. The following piece falls in due time. Watch the countdown. It has begun.



