Secrecy at her workplace

[phil2015]

Hi Guys

A quick outline of my current situation, which I am struggling to deal with;
My GF has worked at the same company now since 2008, and whilst I accept
she has dated other guys before me, she has dated and had as F-Buddies a
number of them she works with.

Whilst at the start of our relationship she was extremely open and honest
about it, it feels now like she is attempting to hide it. The most recent even
being a guy she ‘dated years ago, but nothing happened’ with, whom seems
to talk with her a few times a week whilst she is making coffee. I accept he
may just be being friendly, yet when I asked her what he said she had a sudden
attack of amnesia and couldn’t remember anything. I have also mentioned
picking her up outside of work and she suddenly gets very defensive and
questions it repeatedly.

I do not feel she would cheat on me, yet I don’t feel like she is being fully
honest with me and whenever I question her she gets upset.

I do value my relationship with her and don’t want to go into full scale Beta
male mode, being suspicious, insecure, checking her phone, and meeting her
unexpectedly outside of work etc.

This is driving me crazy though...

Any advice anyone can give me?

Regards
Phil

 

[Julian]

she sounds like a hoe if shes been smashin dudes at work like that sorry bro just my 2 cents

best thing you can do is not give a fuk...focus on the things in life that really matter like friends an family and career, her category is sex

 

[resilient]

phil,

I would say unless you're plate spinning, you're giving her full exclusivity while she basically has her fun on the side with open (blurred lines) relationships. This can work if you're hooking up with other plates as well (which helps kill the feels) but seeing as the situation is driving you crazy while you're fighting the urge to snoop or check her phone.

You need to see other women to gain perspective and have other things going for you in your life be it school, work, male buddies, or hobbies.

She's hiding her activity because she likes the way you give her attention while she gets that and optionally more from other orbiters.

If an exclusive LTR is your goal, then this chick needs to be downgraded from main plate status will you fish for better catches.

Once the 'spidey sense' is triggered in my experience, I find that it's hard to think about anything else when the gut is flashing the signal GTFO loud and clear.

 

[dude99]

Hi Guys

A quick outline of my current situation, which I am struggling to deal with;
My GF has worked at the same company now since 2008, and whilst I accept
she has dated other guys before me, she has dated and had as F-Buddies a
number of them she works with.

Whilst at the start of our relationship she was extremely open and honest
about it, it feels now like she is attempting to hide it. The most recent even
being a guy she ‘dated years ago, but nothing happened’ with, whom seems
to talk with her a few times a week whilst she is making coffee. I accept he
may just be being friendly, yet when I asked her what he said she had a sudden
attack of amnesia and couldn’t remember anything. I have also mentioned
picking her up outside of work and she suddenly gets very defensive and
questions it repeatedly.

I do not feel she would cheat on me, yet I don’t feel like she is being fully
honest with me and whenever I question her she gets upset.

I do value my relationship with her and don’t want to go into full scale Beta
male mode, being suspicious, insecure, checking her phone, and meeting her
unexpectedly outside of work etc.

This is driving me crazy though...

Any advice anyone can give me?

Regards
Phil

No reason for her to get defensive if she isn't up to anything.

It is either one of 2 things. You are annoying her with the hounding of her with a zillion questions ( examine yourself. Are you over jealous at the stupidist little thing?)

If not then number , she is entertaining attention from another dude and she is in the middle of branch swinging on you.

If she isn't up to anything and you aren't hr jealous type and she snaps at you when you are making moderate conversation then this is a huge red flag.

Is she accusing you of stuff you aren't doing? Be on the look out for this next red flag. You may have a cheater on your hands.

 

[playa99]

She is sending mixed messages, if you sense that something is off, it more than likely is.

Has she begun to go AWOL regularly? Was there a time difference between her F-ing the dudes at work and becoming exclusive with you? Has her receptiveness to you been sketchy as of late?

Ask yourself the right questions and be on the watch for red flags. Ascertain whether her interest level is dwindling permanently and if it is, eject.

Do not have this chick on a pedestal. If she is not exclusive to you whilst you are to her, you should next immediately. She does not deserve any of your time.

Be willing to walk away.

 

[El Payaso]

I have also mentioned
picking her up outside of work and she suddenly gets very defensive and questions it repeatedly.

Heavy signs of a cheater. Every question or statement feels like an accusation, they feel like they are about to be exposed so they immediately get defensive and sometimes angry.

You probably think it can't happen to you. That she'll never cheat on you. That stuff like that only happens to other people not you.

Don't get complacent. It happened to me too and your signs are similar to mine.

I would ask her simple questions or requests and she would get very defensive.

I later found out she wasn't just cheating on me with one guy but two. One was even married.

I can pretty much guarantee that your gf is sleeping around.

You could try going full on detective mode on her but I would honestly say it's a waste of time and just causes more emotional trouble for you.

What I will say is that you start mentally checking out of the relationship. Start taking to other women. Always have 25% less interest than a woman you're dating.

She might notice your declining interest and ask you why. Tell her that you've tried giving her interest but you don't feel much interest coming from her so there's no point in it anymore.

She might throw a tantrum but don't back down. Tell her about her behavior. Not letting you pick her up and any other suspicious things. Tell her, you're not going to give her relationship attention when she doesn't act like she's in one.

One of two things will happen. She will immediately correct her behavior or she'll simply not give a sh*t and keep behaving the same way.

Either way, you'll get your answer.

Regardless, you really need to start checking out, start focusing more on yourself, work, school, hobbies, other women etc.

 

[resilient]

Heavy signs of a cheater. Every question or statement feels like an accusation, they feel like they are about to be exposed so they immediately get defensive and sometimes angry.

You probably think it can't happen to you. That she'll never cheat on you. That stuff like that only happens to other people not you.

Don't get complacent. It happened to me too and your signs are similar to mine.

I would ask her simple questions or requests and she would get very defensive.

I later found out she wasn't just cheating on me with one guy but two. One was even married.

I can pretty much guarantee that your gf is sleeping around.

You could try going full on detective mode on her but I would honestly say it's a waste of time and just causes more emotional trouble for you.

What I will say is that you start mentally checking out of the relationship. Start taking to other women. Always have 25% less interest than a woman you're dating.

She might notice your declining interest and ask you why. Tell her that you've tried giving get interest but you don't feel much interest coming from her so there's no point in it anymore.

She might throw a tantrum but don't back down. Tell her about her behavior. Not letting you pick her up and any other suspicious things. Tell her, you're not going to give her relationship attention when she doesn't act like she's in one.

One of two things will happen. She will immediately correct her behavior or she'll simply not give a sh*t and keep behaving the same way.

Either way, you'll get your answer.

Regardless, you really need to start checking out, start focusing more on yourself, work, school, hobbies, other women etc.

Solid logical steps from El Payaso. Start reframing yourself as the prize, Phil and act accordingly. Backing out will save you more heartache when she successfully monkey branches to another dude and drops the axe. The time to act is now.